Further financial faux pas and even more disasterous decisions

moo2moo

Oh is currently sound asleep in bed. Not sure when that happened. Could have sworn half an hour earlier he was orf to a hotel for the night. Bags packed at the door and everything. As bluffs go it was good but not quite good enough. Starting to realise just how much he thinks he can get away with manipulating me. Making the most of the peace to relax bu wondering whats going to happen next. Didn't expect him to threaten to go to a hotel, I was more expecting it to be me that was shoved out the door never to return. Have finally reached a point where something needs to happen and soon. One night in a hotel is not the answer. Nor is an instant quick fix. Hate the idea that a 15 year relationship with two beautiful children is over but I need to face reality sooner or later.

Project of the week has a working title of Moo wonders how the heck you house and feed one adult, two children, two dogs, 20 or so chickens and a whole lot of fish on quite a bit less than £1000 a month

Phase two of this master plan is a range of best selling recipe books:

• 1001 uses for an egg
• Nettles and other scrumptious weeds
• How to feed a family of three on fresh air and lurve

On the bright side I do have a job, two wonderful healthy children and a growing menagerie of animals to occupy my darker moments although pond weed covered puppy is not high on my list of things to cuddle.

beanielou

Your tax credits could/would increase.

Mags_cat

moo2moo wrote: »

Have finally reached a point where something needs to happen and soon. One night in a hotel is not the answer. Nor is an instant quick fix. Hate the idea that a 15 year relationship with two beautiful children is over but I need to face reality sooner or later.

It's good to see you writing this, moo. It's desperately difficult to analyse your own relationship because you're usually too bound up in it. But it's been tough reading about how hard life *can* be with your OH. I know it's a whole lot tougher living it. And of course there are good times, glorious moments...what you might want to ask yourself is "How is the see-saw of good vs bad looking right now? Am I averaging more bad than good? When does that average get so bad that I have to do something?".

Whatever you decide, there are people out here rooting for you.

hypno06

As someone who has recently lost a 20 year relationship, I fully understand the terror that goes through your mind at having to give it up. BUT, some things have to happen in order that we can grow, on all sorts of levels. Its not easy, I won't pretend that it is, and I certainly didn't ask to be in this situation, but now that I am here, me and the children will do just fine and I am now starting to look forward to the next 20 years.

Be strong, you can do whatever you need to do - it will all fall into place when it needs to x

scubaangel

Moo i hope you don't mind but this lady here has recently come to the end of the process that it looks like you're beginning. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1741115

I'm sure some of the advice on there would also apply to your situation.

Hope you decide something soon for the sake of you and your girls.

Have a dodgy hug from me and my very muddy spotty dog. :grouphug:

skint_spice

(((hugs))) Moo, nice to see in your last post that you can still see a bright side. Having lived with a similar fellow (though luckily no kids together) I can see Lula's point about taping rants as he just denied he would ever have said such stuff the next day, he was lovely sober but ultimately the drink made us split up as he'd give up for a few months and I think he wanted to do it but it didn't last. Much harder decision with kids involved, but maybe if he actually listened to himself in the cold light of day he'd be shocked.

moo2moo

Am almost back to my normal super bouncy self. Had another great nights solo sleep and am finally starting to feel human rather than walking round in an exhausted fog. Had several long chats with OH, some more successful than others.

Kept being reminded I was allowed to do this and allowed to do that. I'm 34. I don't need allowing to do anything. I should have the respect and trust from my partner to go anywhere, do anything without needing what amounts to permission. Was also reminded that hes offered to have the children so that I can go out in an evening.... surely thats missing the point. Who offers to care for their own children. Thats one of the fundamentals of being a parent. When we reached the point that I was reminded of things that happened five or even ten years ago I restrained myself from falling about laughing.

Walked hairball no.1 at dusk which is something I haven't done in months and enjoyed every doddery drawn out step of it. You'd be amazed just how many rabbits there are about at the moment. I know, we inspected each and every burrow. Had a nightmare free sleep, woke up at dawn and drifted off again until 6:30. Feeling so much more positive about everything today. Resisting the urge to open OHs suitcase to see if he actually packed any clothes or just slammed drawers and chucked the nearest heap of folded laundry in the case. Can see it being rather amusing if he had lost his temper that much and stormed out of the house with a heap of my undies and a few t-shirts several sizes too small. Naughty moo. Will exert some self control safe in the knowledge that I'll get to unpack it in another week or sos time anyway.

Seem to have reached a stale mate. The DDs are happy sharing a room so I'm moving into DD2s room for the immediate future. Will have a sort out of her outgrown and unliked stuff so that I can get some clothes for me in there which removes the need to go into my former bedroom whilst OH is sleeping.

Only working till lunchtime today and then collecting DD2s friend who is coming to play faor the afternoon. Will be returning her after dinner then cleaning up after holiday club which will net me an extra £20 for doing very little work. After last nights little outburst I'm going to make sure I have enough cash immediately available to cover a months outgoings so that in the event of being dropped in the doodoo unexpectedly and from great heights I can at least cover our immediate outgoings. Also have £700 of overdrafts immediately available if really nescessary although only £250 of that is interest free. Still its a very short term buffer if things get that bad. Now just have to sit down and work out precisely what a months outgoings will be. Short term that will involve clearing all the credit card bills from the previous month which is the unpredictable bit.

Eager_Elephant

Hi Moo

Good to see you are feeling slightly more positive.

You mentioned the credit cards, are any of these in your name only and with OH as 2nd card-holder? - if they are I think you should cancel his cards in case he either runs up debt and then leaves or takes the cards and leaves and you have to foot the bill.

Have a good day.

EE

Intergalactic_Floozie

Hey Moo, just want to give you a virtual kiss *mwah mwah*.

Have you phoned the Tax Credits to see what you would be entitled to? They were very helpful when DH lost his job a year ago, within a few days of me ringing them they were unexpectedly giving me £380 per month. Once I had sat down and worked out my debts, his debts, joint debts, the picture for me as a lone parent wasn't half as scary as it was before I had worked it out. Knowledge is power and all that.

Helen105

Sorry to hear things have taken a turn for the pants again.
Have you been on this site to check what you would get if you were a lone parent?

http://entitledto.co.uk/

Is there a possibility that you could stay on where you are living now? Could you afford it? I came to a sort of deal with my ex where I didn't have to pay him his share of the profit on the house until the kids were grown up and any maintenance he should have paid me will get knocked off what I owe him. If you tightened your belt in a Hypno sort of way and visited Weezl's Food Plan for the Desperate could you manage to stay on, as this seems much the best plan.

Are there any cunning money making schemes to be made out of all those chickens? (apart from setting yourself up as the new Colonel Saunders of course)