Further financial faux pas and even more disasterous decisions

chevalier

Thinking of you
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moo2moo

Morning all... and thank you all once again. It makes a huge difference to know I'm not going completely bonkers! Am waking up feeling completely exhausted though. Its rather strange to go to bed and sleep through the night undisturbed.... apart from when I wake myself up. Have gotten a bit too used to getting an hour and a bits sleep and then being woken up and kept awake for hours on end. Currently enduring a sore throat. Seem to be picking up every bug going but I guess thats down to being permanently knackered.

OH is being grouchy but helpful. He washed up twice yesterday which is unheard of. Arrived home from school with DD1 to find he'd left dinner for her but not me. Didn't say a word so he promptly threw a wobbler and chucked a spud in the microwave before returning to the sofa where he stared at the ceiling. Interestingly his smoking has been about a third of what it normally is. Don't think he realises he chain smokes when plastered or more likely by then he really doesn't care.

The oddest things are occurring. I'm not entirely convinced having things straight in my own head is making things any easier from him, its making a big difference to the way I'm feeling though.

Whilst I spent the afternoon emptying and cleaning the bathroom he went back to bed. He then reappeared after I'd finished that and was sweeping the floors downstairs by which time I was late for work. Pointing out that one of the doors was rubbing on the laminate resulted in a ridiculous outburst of "oooh so theres no how are you, did you have a nice sleep... its just this needs doing and that needs doing".... probably should have kept my mouth shut at that point but didn't. I've done a bit too much of that. Poor chap got a mouthful before I left for work feeling rather guilty about saying anything at all. Got home to find the door had been trimmed.

Hes back at work today which means a day free of arguements and sniping and !!!!!y comments. My plans involve the laundry pile and an awful lot of dusting once I've tidied away the stray stuff thats lurking on any spare surface downstairs. Am trying to tackle a major room a day or a couple of minor ones in the hopes of getting back in the habbit of cleaning the entire house each week rather than it taking me a fortnight to do it. Also need to fit in a couple of hours of veging time to do something, anything, for me. May well do a bit of gardening assuming it doesn't rain.

Have spent very little this week. £62 at Mr Ts at the weekend, £20 on riding lessons, a tenner on a babysitter on Monday and a whoppingly extravagent 49p on a tube of Smarties for DD2 who spent yesterday at home but is returning to school today.

thrifty_fifty

Hang in there Moo. Really feeling for you right now.

xx

elantan

hey moo have been dipping in and out of your diary for a while now ... sounds as if things have came to a crunch time with your oh ... just wanted to wish you all the best with it ... my hubby wouldnt do AA i tried al anon but it wasnt for me either ... he is however going for alcohol counselling which slowly seems to be helping but i think for us crunch time was when i threw a wobbly about him having a female ex gf back in touch on the internet ... it seemed like a surreal life i was leading for a while and it has taken us both a long time to be able to deal with things but slowly we are getting there

wishing you all the best

ps i found this website which was quite handy it's called living sober sucks but living drunk sucks more ... not sure if thats any help or not but just wanted to give you options

moo2moo

Thanks guys!

I've been leading a surreal life for quite some time. In fact at times it feels like I suffer multiple personality syndrome. Away from the house I'm a bubbly extroverted enthusiastic person whilst at home (and I use the term very loosly because it doesn't feel like a home at the moment) I'm very careful about what I say and do and how I say and do things in the hopes of avoiding the worst of what could potentially happen at any given moment. OH has in the past driven to work to yell at me because I wasn't at home when he needed to vent and I diodn't answer my phone when he called.

I've stopped going out unescorted for many reasons ranging from the need to prove to OH that I'm not having an affair to the fear that if hes alone with the DDs once hes started drinking they'll be yelled at instead of me. Its not that I want to be yelled at and told I'm crap its just I'd far rather that this didn't ever happen to the DDs. His vocal outbursts are escalating in intensity and viciousness and have been since Christmas. He manages to hold it together and behave as a normal person whilst other people are around but since they're not around for very long thats usually only a couple of days respite.

Both AA and Al Anon seem to focus on the negatives. Those who attend the AA meetings have driven away their friends and family and progressed to the point of bedwetting and perpetual unconciousness before seeking help. The Al Anon lot seem to be there to mourn the loss of friends and family who drank themselves to death. The stories of those who came out the other end with their families intact seem to be very few and far between.

Its going to get an awful lot harder before it gets any better. Assuming thats what OH wants.

He didn't drink yesterday which hopefully indicates something positive is going on but equally it wouldn't be the first time hes stopped for a few days just to shut me up and to prove to himself he doesn't have a problem because he can cope without booze for four or five days whilst he can't go without a fag for more than a few hours. Of course these periods of sobriety always seem to coincide with him picking up a virus and suffering headaches and stomach cramps and diahorhea and nausea and aching all over. Hes yet to admit that these are all symptoms of alcohol withdrawl.

moo2moo

So to more positive thoughts.... DD2 is home again today shes running a temperature and is very pale and a little floppy. Nothing concerning but not up to school.

The first load of washing is in the drier since its raining. The next load is in the machine. Had a quick tidy of the PC desk and am off to blitz the laundry pile and tackle the ironing.

My life might be a heap of shoite but the house doesn't need to be besides which I always feel brighter when I don't walk in from work to a ton of stuff that needs doing.

elantan

I bet he has sugar cravings too .... I agree with u on the A A / Al anon front .... I also hated some of the crap they come out it ... Like if u ever gave up drinking u became a recovering alcoholic !!!!!! ... I dont think of people that havebroken their leg or something then recovered as a recovering broken legged person so why use a label for someone that used to drink ? Tbh i could go on and on but im on the stupid iphone so will save my frustration for another time

Just wanted you to know im thinking of u and if i can help in anyway Let me know

chevalier

Sorry that life is so pants for you Moo. Hadn't thought that an alcoholic would have all those symptoms when they don't drink for a bit. And I have known alcoholics that came off the booze. I guess each persons withdrawal is different.

I don't know what to suggest as a way forward. Up till now you have weighed the pros and cons of kicking him out and so far decided to let him stay. But you do have to think about it, and you have hit it on the head with the comment about your DD's. You shouldn't have to live the life of a hermit because you are afraid of him being alone with them and then he starts drinking.

I wish you luck with your decisions going forward. We could tell you what we would do, (I wouldn't let him stay personally). But in the end you have to work out what is the best for all of you.

And remember if you do kick him out, then it doesn't have to be forever. If (a big if I know) he shaped up, and got clean, then the person you fell in love with might well come back too. And that would be a whole different ball game. I know you have been worried about his health if you did make him leave, but that is HIS responsibility not yours. It is HIS choice to behave as he does. It is NOT you, or things that you do that prompts his behaviour.
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Trying_to_be_good

Only you know what's right for you, Moo. My step-dad has been a recovering alcoholic for 8 years, and fingers crossed, always will be - he can't drink again, no sherry trifles, not anything. It's an addiction illness, not like a broken leg, but there can be life, good quality life, as a recovering alcoholic. Different AA groups attract different people, my step-dad went to one a fair distance away before he found the right one for him, but would use the oval ones for 'top ups' when he needed one on the nights they met. If OH wants it enough, he can do it. Lots of hugs.

chevalier

Out of interest do they do random alcohol/drug testing at OH work? Just wondering what would happen to his job if it turned out he was an alcoholic. Would he lose his job?
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