Nice people thread 2 - now even nicer

vivatifosi

SingleSue wrote: »

He has asked me if he can not go in for the last 2 days but it feels wrong not to send him, yes he has an injured hand but it doesn't make him incapable of attending.

Hi Sue,

Hope you don't mind me putting my 2p worth in given I don't have kids. My thoughts are based on mine and my brother's experience at school.

If you feel that over the Summer he'll forget the problem, have a nice break and go back to school in September perfectly happy, then I'd say take the rest of the week off.

On the other hand (sorry, poor choice of phrase ), if your son will fret about it over the Summer, then its like getting back on your bike after falling off - get it done the sooner the better.

Neither bro or I are autistic, but we did both have problems towards the end of term and how the situation was handled did have an impact (oh, and for good measure we're both different characters so the answer was different for each of us).

Aspiring_Writer

Sue, I had just read your earlier post about your day, now this one, and your signature! I thought I had problems, I dont. I did write a reply but my laptop seems to think it hilarious to let me type a few paragraphs then send the finished result into the ether, or imbue it with countless syntax errors (obviously not my typing is it love?)

Anyway. I have nothing but respect for you and admiration. A few years back I drove a black cab and did the school run, which involved picking up the escort and then the child. Most of the children had varying degrees of Autism and other conditions, some were in wheelchairs and all different ages.

I saw and heard a lot from the children themselves, the escorts, parents and the teachers and I wondered then at the intelligence,character and personality of the children aswell as the patience and love shown by the parents and carers. No wonder they used to have Respite days. Hence my empathy for you. I know they are your children and of course you are going to love care and nurture them but after days like today, it must be very difficult not to scream.

I hope your lad settles for his own sake and yours, treat yourself to a cold one out of the fridge, think you deserve it!

TC

carolt

On a different though not unrelated (to Aspiring's last post) note, and on a theme popular on this thread, enjoy:

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PasturesNew

An agency called me today ... to tell me there are no jobs.

Great... I kind of guessed that as they hadn't phoned.

She didn't know what to say next. She was just phoning to see if I was still looking ... and was obviously put onto the job as they had no work to do because ... there are no jobs.

As a "speshul person" .... I didn't need the interruption!! I could tell there are no jobs, or they'd have phoned. Logic. No call = no jobs. Call = might be a job. Simples.

PasturesNew

I've been trying to think if I'd prefer to be forced back to school this week ... or not. I think the internal fretting of the trouble I'd be in when I next went back would be too much if I went the whole summer. Facing people again after the last time they saw me .... would be too much. It'd make it difficult for me to be anywhere over the summer where any of those kids might be... because of the inability to socially interact, I wouldn't know how/where to begin to say "hello" after what had gone on... so I'd probably become more troublesome whenever I saw anybody that had been there, or whenever going back to school were mentioned in late August... it'd be awful.

I think, with an adult's perspective on it, that talking to him about what happened, why, what was wrong about what happened and why .... then letting him come to the decision it's best to go back, is best. But the problem you have is the approach as he's at the aggressive "I hate you" stage (been there) ... it's all about tone of voice really....

As you know, my parents had no idea what was 'wrong' with me, so I had a really rough ride throughout school and at work. I don't know how you'd get through the bubble he'll have thrown up. The bubble that means if he even hears you coming near his room he'll be expecting a confrontation and will be ready for you... ready to fly off the handle.

Hope you end up OK, whatever happens.

I was a monster

SingleSue

vivatifosi wrote: »

Hi Sue,

Hope you don't mind me putting my 2p worth in given I don't have kids. My thoughts are based on mine and my brother's experience at school.

If you feel that over the Summer he'll forget the problem, have a nice break and go back to school in September perfectly happy, then I'd say take the rest of the week off.

On the other hand (sorry, poor choice of phrase ), if your son will fret about it over the Summer, then its like getting back on your bike after falling off - get it done the sooner the better.

Neither bro or I are autistic, but we did both have problems towards the end of term and how the situation was handled did have an impact (oh, and for good measure we're both different characters so the answer was different for each of us).

September will be awful whatever we do...it always is (change of staff, change of timetable etc) and we prepare for it as much as we can.

The problem is, if he becomes too overstressed now, it could make it worse for September but on the flip side, too long away from school makes it bad anyway!

So either way, there are problems, keeping him off for the last two days could make the summer holiday just that little bit too long that it impacts on him going back but sending him in, could also leave him with the bad memory (unfortunately, he doesn't have middle sons poor memory! :rotfl:) and make it equally as hard getting him settled in September.

I really don't know what to do and with it being Arts week and having to get middle son to school before 8 tomorrow, there is not enough time to speak to the school first thing and the big big blow up occured after everyone had gone home tonight.

thistledome

SingleSue wrote: »

Thanks guys...

My gut feeling is to keep him off as it is unsettling him so much but then is that me just backing down? Pandering to him?

I don't have any experience with children, but I do know that I nearly always regret it when I decide not to follow my gut feelings. They're like an instinctive sixth sense IMO.

Best wishes to you and yours whatever you decide.

Aspiring_Writer

PasturesNew wrote: »

An agency called me today ... to tell me there are no jobs.

Great... I kind of guessed that as they hadn't phoned.

She didn't know what to say next. She was just phoning to see if I was still looking ... and was obviously put onto the job as they had no work to do because ... there are no jobs.

As a "speshul person" .... I didn't need the interruption!! I could tell there are no jobs, or they'd have phoned. Logic. No call = no jobs. Call = might be a job. Simples.

PN, I am constantly campaigning for recruitment consultants to be put into Room 101! I have dealt with them both as a candidate and a client, not impressed at all. I shall stop there or I will be kicked oiut of the Nice People thread for not being very nice about RC's....:mad:

SingleSue

Youngest is home with me today....

When I dropped middle son off for his trip out, I made my way to the school office and spoke to the student support officer and she thought it would be best as it was another out trip today, for youngest to stay at home and to just chill out a little and then come back for the last day when they are school based.

I think they thought I was going to kick off about youngest's hand but accidents happen and although I am a little annoyed at their non treatment of the injury, I can also understand why schools may be a little reticent to do so. So I made sure that they knew my concern was not about his hand and the treatment of it but more about his mental state due to the change of routine (we have a good relationship and I really don't want to ruin that).

Upshot of it is youngest is not feeling as stressed now (although still at high stress level instead of arrggghhh breakdown stress) which hopefully means that he will enjoy the last day a little more.

No rest for the wicked though, been up the hospital once already this morning for a re dressing of his hand after his stress out last night but they were so busy that they asked for us to come back later this morning....so time for a quick cuppa, some breakfast and then back in the car!

PasturesNew

For me, Sue, the problem would be that if I TRY to tell people stuff (e.g. hand hurts).... they aren't listening, I don't get through, then they walk off and you're left there .... so in the end you often just don't say things in the first place because you know nobody's listening to you. You just move to the edge and slope off quietly when nobody's looking, never to return.

It's that old "failure to communicate" part of the spectrum. "Just ask" won't work. I can make the noises, but the answers aren't the right ones. "My hand hurts, I think it's broken/damaged" they'd say "Oh well, go over there and play". Now, in an ASD mind I have asked, and I've been given an instruction... so you follow the instruction. Then if you try a bit later because it still hurts then you get "Oh well, see how it goes". And your brain thinks "No, I did see how it goes, it's still bad" ... and you slope off again. You can only really ask once.... beyond that it fires up a tiny storm in the brain that makes you unable to move forward from their first response, where they didn't actually care/do anything about it.

Not sure I explained that properly.