Partner and his mother

esmf73

Molly41 wrote: »

I have a different opinion to the majority here. Im also an only child of aged and "eccentric parents". For the sake of my own health I have had to leave well alone as all my efforts in the past have been to no avail and nothing i can do will influence them. Over christmas an elderly couple died in Northampton who would not receive outside help. Even that did not impact on my parents.


Quite agree - sometimes this happens best of luck.

luxor4t

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

My husband & his brother - both in their early 50s btw - MiL was & still is ridiculously coy about her age & thinks birthdays are something women should be ashamed of!
DH only found out his parent's wedding date when he began researching the family history.
His parents did not celebrate their birthdays or anniversaries!

OP, although I can't give any helpful advice, I do recognise your situation in trying to do what is right for an old lady who is convinced that everybody else is 'out of step'.

Hectors_House

I've just logged in briefly and wanted to thank everyone who has responded as you've all given me some great advice.

I've forwarded a copy of this thread to OH (he doesn't have internet at home but accesses it during the day at work).

tandraig please don't think you've offended me. The frustration you voiced was only matching my own with him and your suggestion of sitting down with her to look at pictures is excellent - neither of us had thought of that! :T

I've been signed off work by my doctor (I have clinical depression and it's worst aspects have flared up after my dearest friend took her own life recently) so I will get myself over to Leicester and travel out to spend some time with OH's mother and see if she'll let me get the doctor to visit her.
What some of you have said above about the effects of UTIs can have makes sense - bladder problems run in the family but she went ahead and discharged herself from hospital when she was taken in recently and then refused to take her medication so I realise she's probably not eating simply cus she feels so out of it she has no appetite.

ameliarate

Memory_Girl wrote: »

Hi

Not a medic or anything - but ...........well you mentionned she had a bladder infection in your first post.

Sometimes (and I'm not saying all the time) UTI's can present with our beloved oldies (even when their not acting that way) with symptoms of confusion and anger. Much like early onset dementia.

Might be worth a chat with the doctor - maybe to ask if a friendly district nurse (she is in a rural area -right??) could pop around to get her the medication earlier.

Then again - she could just be a cantankerous ole besom like mu Nan - LOL

Memorygirl

as can malnutrition and dehydration.

tandraig

so glad i didnt offend you hectors house - i get frustrated sometimes when people put of unpleasant or difficult tasks as i am the type to get them done straight away!
I hope it isnt dementia with your MIL, but as another poster suggested getting a LPA before she becomes too far gone is a good idea provided she agrees. she may if YOU suggest it as taking some burdens off her.

Savvy_Sue

clairehi wrote: »

If your partner gets the panic alarm fitted then she can press this if she thinks she is in a life theatening situation rather than waiting for your partner.

If she chooses to ...

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

I'm not sure my boys know mine or DH's, and I've only 'memorised' my Mum and Dad's years of birth since Dad died and I've had to give it out so many times!

It's a shame this has led to arguments. It's hard to tell whether MIL can't help it, or is just being manipulative, but there could be a bit of both involved ...

luxor4t

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

..................... It's hard to tell whether MIL can't help it, or is just being manipulative, but there could be a bit of both involved ...

Oooh, I recognise that problem, S_S!
I remember the little smile she makes when DH gives up trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to - you know, the cruel heartless things like going to the doctor or eating sensibly or not trying to run across the main road in her slippers to buy a newspaper that she could have delivered.

Savvy_Sue

luxor4t wrote: »

Oooh, I recognise that problem, S_S!
I remember the little smile she makes when DH gives up trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to - you know, the cruel heartless things like going to the doctor or eating sensibly or not trying to run across the main road in her slippers to buy a newspaper that she could have delivered.

Only with me, it's my mother ... my MIL is great! :rotfl:

Princess_Jane

Sounds a lot like my grandma.

Announced every Christmas for the last 15 years as her "last one" and often tells her SS carers she hasn't seen anyone for "days", apart from my mam, who lives over the road, as she "doesn't count".

My mam was once at a Neighbourhood Watch meeting when a young policewoman told her she was really worried about an elderly lady who had no visitors and no contact with family for weeks at a time..then pointed out my grandma, sitting looking pretty pleased with herself.

Carers visit her three times a day, my mam daily, extended family once a week, plus friends, mobile hairdressers, doctors, nurses etc.

Last time I was there she told off my fella, aged 32, as apparently she thought he was "courting" her older sister, who sadly died years ago in her 90s.

She seems to live in a parallel world where she is in her 20s and we are her friends, not grandchildren. She gets upset if my mam tells her I'm on holiday or out late as she thinks the real me, her granddaughter, is still a little girl.

However a lot of time she is very happy, if completely off her rocker.

Raksha

ameliarate wrote: »

as can malnutrition and dehydration.

and anemia