Partner and his mother

penelopedee_2

Hectors House, you seem to be doing a really good job with this. Keep going with the female support to your MIL, it will be nice for her to have another woman to talk to when she feels she can't with her son (which must be hard for anyone, however well you are).

Hectors_House

Deleted_User wrote: »

I know from experience of this with my mum that there is nothing you can do if the 'client' refuses help.

The GP will not disucss anything due to patient confidentiality.

Yes, we've found this to be the case. And she herself doesn't trust her doctor (she thought he was very dismissive of her husband's condition in his last years and found him very unhelpful if she called him out to the house).

Thank you to everyone for your advise tonight. I'm off to bed now and will try speaking to my partner tomorrow (got the phone slammed down on me earlier).

I do feel for her as she seems to spend some of her time in the here and now and some in the past (she sometimes mistakes OH for his father when he goes over to visit).

elona

I'll get flamed for this,but females do the thinking, talking, negotiating and form filling in and male does the signature on the forms.

It's worked so far!

penelopedee_2

Elona, flame me down also, it how its happens in our house too x

Oldernotwiser

Hectors_House wrote: »

I've giving him advise where I can about the paperwork but he's finding they need info that he doesn't have (her DOB, DOB for his father etc and

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

Bananabelly

Early dementia sounds like a bit of an educated guess to me. If you feel this is a big problem she needs to be assessed as to whether she is competent to make lifestyle decisions for herself. If she is not, her son should get POA etc and be able to make those decisions which will make his life a little bit easier (in some ways). If she is competent, she can choose to live however she wants and no one else can force her to change.

She doesn't actually sound incompetent based on what you say. A lot of elderly people behave like that and are just afraid of losing their independence, and lonely. If she rings and says she is dying your BF needs to ask specific questions about what the problem is to determine if he thinks she might actually be unwell, and offer to call an ambulance as they will get there a lot quicker than he will if she is really in dire need.

If she listens to you then you need to present a united front with your BF about what you two think she should be doing, and stick to it. Also tell her how wonderful he is all the time so that she realises she can't play you off against each other (she has inadvertently managed to divide you quite nicely at the moment).

seven-day-weekend

My m-i-l used to tell people that she 'never' saw her son, or me, or our son, that she had 'no' help.

We all used to go on a Saturday and do jobs for her like cutting the grass and taking her shopping and my husband used to go also a couple of times in the week. She even told Social Services once that she had 'nobody' and hadn't seen her son for months :eek:

I don't know why she did this. I think she just thought we should be dancing attendance on her all the time.

If she was lonely (I think she was), with due respect this was her own fault as she picked arguments and fell out with everybody. My husband, an only child, didn't even know his cousin until after his mum had died; they are very close now.

To the OP, your husband should do what he thinks is enough because nothing, imo, is ever going to be enough for her, but one thing he must do is FILL THE FORMS IN and I agree with you, if he doesn't have the information fill it in anyway with what he has got.

seven-day-weekend

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

My husband wouldn't know. He has difficulty remembering mine or our son's. Things like this just do not stay in his head.

Memory_Girl

Hi

Not a medic or anything - but ...........well you mentionned she had a bladder infection in your first post.

Sometimes (and I'm not saying all the time) UTI's can present with our beloved oldies (even when their not acting that way) with symptoms of confusion and anger. Much like early onset dementia.

Might be worth a chat with the doctor - maybe to ask if a friendly district nurse (she is in a rural area -right??) could pop around to get her the medication earlier.

Then again - she could just be a cantankerous ole besom like mu Nan - LOL

Memorygirl

xmaslolly76

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

I wouldnt have a clue on my parents date of birth i know when their birthdays are but they are from a time when age wasnt discussed and i still to this day dont have a clue exactly how old my father is although i do know he is in 80's.