Partner and his mother

jennihen

I can never remember the age of my parents or in-laws - it changes every year!!

tandraig

hectors house - I apologise - YOU obviously DO care about your mil. but jeez - four weeks to fill in a form!!! though if its anything like the DLA one theres about 60 questions and its designed to make you insane! if MIL will listen to you then can i suggest you phone every day to check on her - only say her son has asked you to? then both go over and ask about the questions which need filling in? ask to see old photos, as these can trigger memories even for alzhieimers sufferers and they can sometimes remember dates etc very accurately if photos are in front of them. usually they are clearer on past events than what they had for lunch that day. as another poster said - sometimes urinary tract infections can cause confusion which may look like dementia, but clears up when the infection clears.
poor woman - imagine being on your own, feeling unwell and all these strangers are trying to get you to do something which you may feel is the begining of the end.

turbo

Lots of people hate filling forms in. I have found Age Concern are very helpful when it comes to filling in forms and also for getting advice. For example the Attendance Allowance form is 29 pages long. Don't know if this is one of the forms he has been given. Urinary Tract Infections can make dementia much worse. The other thing to consider is taking out a Lasting Power of Attorney at an early stage. It does not have to be registered until absolutely necessary but an LPA cannot be taken out once someone has lost mental capacity. Your boyfriend could write to his Mum's GP expressing his concerns and they might arrange for her to go in for a 'check up'.

Turbo

Filey

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

Oh dear! Well me for a start. I know their birthdays, never forget those, but I don't know the years of their birth.

daska

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

Erm... me?

I even struggle with DS2's birthday and he's only 2?


OP - get yourself over there and help him do the forms, you know that's the only way it's going to happen. (If it's anything like the one my husband had to do for me then it's about a 1000 pages of multiple guess questions where none of the answers quite fit the bill.)

McKneff

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

Yes, it struck me as odd too.

BubblyMumbles

Your partner could make an appointment with his mum's GP and express his concerns, They will have to listen if there's already an indication of early dementia and the next of kin is reinforing this issue.

As another poster said, recurring UTIs can be very problematic and can often lead ot confusion in elederly people.

Get the forms filled in ASAP, I would go see mum's GPm and be forceful.

Good luck!

Molly41

I have a different opinion to the majority here. Im also an only child of aged and "eccentric parents". For the sake of my own health I have had to leave well alone as all my efforts in the past have been to no avail and nothing i can do will influence them. Over christmas an elderly couple died in Northampton who would not receive outside help. Even that did not impact on my parents.

She has the right to live however she likes, she has the right not to take her medication and not eat. Im not saying that is a good thing but you cant make her do anything. I have found that the best thing is to preserve your relationship with the parent because one day that relationship will be a memory and it would be good if it was happy. I always take my mum a home made cake and a bunch of freesias cos that makes her happy and easier to approach. Anything I say is always disregarded because im the child and she is the parent - it isnt going to change. You just have to find ways to work around it.

Penelope_Penguin

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Who on earth doesn't know their parents' date of birth?

Quite a few I can remember their birthdays, but despite having a good memory, I struggle to remember the years they were born

esmf73

Hi, OP this lady sounds much like my grandma. Visting my gran turned into a chore due to her acid tongue and the fact that you'd be lucky to get a cup of tea (despite living more than 2 hours away). It turned out that she did indeed have dementia and after my Mum (who lived 3 hours away) got involved and pestered SS, something started to happen.

Grandma did have a panic alarm that she could press if she fell - but she kept forgetting to wear it!! However one time the social services couldn't gain entry to the house and after 24hrs called the police and broke the door down. Grandma had fallen and was lying where she'd fallen - alive, but not well. Anyway, to cut a long story short she went into hospital and then insisted on going back to her house.

SS came out to see her - sent her for mental tests, had someone assess her when she was shopping (they looked through her cupboards, freezer etc and then when she went shopping they assessed her ability to buy what she needed to be healthy). She was malnourished and was buying packets of crisps and chocolate without really realising what she was putting into her basket.

Eventually she was convinced to go into a nursing home - but whilst there she complained of a painful hip - it turned out that when she'd fallen she'd broken her hip and this had gone undiagnosed by the hospital. She went back into hospital and eventually died (this whole process took about 6 months).

It was particularly painful for my parents as they would get the calls every day at various times of the day demanding that they be there - but distance prevented this. Then when they did manage to get there at the weekends, she often didn't know them. It was very difficult and has left rather sour memories unfortunately. All you can do is be there for your partner and tell him that she isn't aware of what she's saying.