Children watching horror/ scary films!!

Minxy_Bella

This issue makes me really angry. You cannot put too high a price on a child's innocence. !!!!!! let them be kids!

I would be raving if my ex did this - and I would have to be persuaded not to stop overnight access.

Just a question, forgive me if I've got it wrong, but are the kids sleeping in the ex's bedroom? I wouldn't be happy with this tbh - I'd rather that the kids slept on the sofa or airbeds in the living room for no other reason than they need a bit of space.

lilmisschick

mummy_Jay wrote: »

I completely agree with this, as a mum you should be able to protect your children from having their health put at risk or inappropriate behavour around them. But as far as I know as he is their father you have no legal rights to protect them from him doing this to them, so you are only left with your own power of persuation to convince him how he should behave infront of them.

Are the girls still happy about visiting him even though he does these things?

I don't know if you have seen any of the Jo frost series on channel 4 on tuesday nights but the first one covered the negative influence of violent games on children, i don't know if you get a copy of it to show him. It might help him to understand what he's doing to them?

But the fact your having to talk to him about such basis things, that to me should be obvious to him, it begs th question does he even care what effect he has on them?

How about giving childline a call see if someone their has any bright ideas.

Thanks for this, it's just so difficult isn't it!

The girls are more interested in seeing Grandma than daddy to be honest as she spends a lot of the time doing arts and crafts, taking them to the park etc.. and then back home to watch dvd's with daddy. (If he's not out on the Saturday night)

I think it comes down to different standards really. DD2 said she wishes she didn't have to go but only does as DD1 goes. I think when their baby sister (who is two days overdue:mad:) is born, she is going to be more resistant to go!!

I do intend to get some more advice on this.

lilmisschick

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

This issue makes me really angry. You cannot put too high a price on a child's innocence. !!!!!! let them be kids!

I would be raving if my ex did this - and I would have to be persuaded not to stop overnight access.

Just a question, forgive me if I've got it wrong, but are the kids sleeping in the ex's bedroom? I wouldn't be happy with this tbh - I'd rather that the kids slept on the sofa or airbeds in the living room for no other reason than they need a bit of space.

It's okay, yes they do sleep in the same bed as him. His parents have a 2 bedroom house and there's nowhere else for them to sleep. He did live with a gf (well 3 different ones since separating but that's another story - me not happy about the girls coming home telling me daddy is marrying the next lady) but since they have separated, he has nowhere else to go.

I think as the girls get older, they will eventually make their own decision about not wanting to go anyway as they often say can they stay at home with me and hubby. On the weekends when they are with us, we are biking up and down the sea front, out and about with friends/ family etc.. so its a real culture shock to say the least in their weekends!!

kindofagilr

lilmisschick wrote: »

I agree with this too, see my post about eastenders. I would like to know what the name of the film is too. Oldest dd said that it was a copy film so wasn't in a proper case. From how they have explained it though, the whole film had an awful lot of graphic killing in it. Maybe if I get them to tell me the story of it someone may recognise it?!

Yeah, if you could get the older one to tell you what it was about without her getting upset, then someone might recgonise it

If it was a copy DVD its probably (but not necessariyl) new to cinema or just been out a little while.

jamespir

k.o.d wrote: »

Are you for real?

How many kids have been desensitised due to watching computer games and seeing people getting blown up, killed in many manner of ways and then being able to start again.

Personally, our 13 and 11 year old boys are not allowed to play violent games or watch 15 or above rated films, because we don't think they are suitable for them, now others may think differently but, computer games have advanced so much nowadays in graphics and realism that it the line becomes blurred between fact and fantasy.

Anything the kids see will be seen as normal by them and so graphic violence, swearing and all the things in other posts you have said is unacceptable behaviour can become acceptable because you welcome it into your home.

It is not about what the 35 year old does when he is alone, it what he makes acceptable to young kids

i dont beleive in all that !!!!!!!! im sorry because if that was the case id be in a dark room lisenting to rave music and popping pills
and i do neither

OneWingedAngel_2

I am going to be completely honest here my husband plays shooting games around my seven year old daughter but not graphically violent ones. She's never had a problem with this or with violence. We would never ever let her watch a horror like that though! I even had censorns about allowing her to watch Gremlins. You should let the girls tell him how they feel about this and explain to him that they are wary of going to stay with him due to this horror movie and the violence. Apart from that perhaps point out to him that there are age restrictions on these movies for a reason!

k.o.d

jamespir wrote: »

i dont beleive in all that !!!!!!!! im sorry because if that was the case id be in a dark room lisenting to rave music and popping pills
and i do neither

Do you really think it is acceptable to allow young children to watch adult themed videos/computer games?
Unfortunately whether you believe it or not there is a correlation, and it shows crap parenting skills if the answer to the problem is 'if you don't like it go to sleep'!
Please don't think that just because you 'think' you don't have a problem with the violence and swearing that a small child won't.

jamespir

k.o.d wrote: »

Do you really think it is acceptable to allow young children to watch adult themed videos/computer games?
Unfortunately whether you believe it or not there is a correlation, and it shows crap parenting skills if the answer to the problem is 'if you don't like it go to sleep'!
Please don't think that just because you 'think' you don't have a problem with the violence and swearing that a small child won't.

were not talking bout a small child we talking about an 8-9 year old and ive seen more gory thing's in tom an jerry than most of the games that are out

yes i agree that some children do take it to literaly some adults do to
but if you try to cover them away from things thyre never going to learn


i dont mean show them every night but once in a while isnt going to hurt them
we were shown some stuff (which now could be called horrific things) in school from the hollocaust to a women giving birth and that hasnt scarred us

lilmisschick

jamespir wrote: »

were not talking bout a small child we talking about an 8-9 year old and ive seen more gory thing's in tom an jerry than most of the games that are out

yes i agree that some children do take it to literaly some adults do to
but if you try to cover them away from things thyre never going to learn


i dont mean show them every night but once in a while isnt going to hurt them
we were shown some stuff (which now could be called horrific things) in school from the hollocaust to a women giving birth and that hasnt scarred us

The debate wasn't about an animated game, it was about killing scenes that some adults find disturbing so an 8yr old is clearly going to find it upsetting.

Oh and I find some interesting evidence on the net saying that actually a child of 8-10 years would be more effected than a 2-5yr old (so the young child age) as they would have more comprehension of what was going on and obviously a more vivid imagination. The younger child watches the scenes but doesn't necessarily understand what is going on, and would probably forget if it was a 'one off' thing to watch!

euronorris

OP - Perhaps you could approach this in a different way. Instead of pointing out what you don't want him to, you could tell him how upsetting it was for your daughters. How they've been having nightmares/trouble sleeping ever since and so you think it would be a good idea if he didn't let them watch horror movies.

You could also send the girls round with some of their favourite DVD's, activities etc and see how he responds to that?

After all, that way you are not only pointing out the issue, but you're offering a solution.

If he still doesn't bother then I think you need to discuss it with their Grandma. I understand why you are reluctant to and I think what bothers them most is not that you're 'nagging' but you are, inadvertedly, pointing out that they didn't do a good job of raising their own son. At least, I wonder if that is how they feel. The only other explanation I can think of is that they were lazy in bringing him up and so having to correct him now is more effort than they would like to put in.

But, this can't go on. He has them sleeping in the same bed with him? Can they not put airbeds down in the bedroom? And don't get me started on smoking in the car!!!

Do you have a custody agreement in place? Is it possible for you to request that certain rules are adhered to, to be added to the custody agreement. Nothing major, just for the kids benefits, ie, no smoking around them, take them out more often, no horror movies etc etc. Sorry, this isn't my area of expertise, just trying to give you some ideas that may be useful.

Good luck.

xx