Children watching horror/ scary films!!

lilmisschick

Hi all,

I need some advice. My two daughters aged 8 and 6 go to their dads every other weekend. I always had a battle with him when we were together about his offensive language in front of them and since separating three years ago, I have had to tell him on numerous occasions that I do not like them being exposed to games like call of duty? on the ps3 that he still plays at the grand old age of 35yrs as they came home telling me someone's head had been cut off!!!!! :eek:

Anyway, I hate horror films and do not watch them. I remember watching a couple when I was a teenager and they effected me for quite a while later so I have chosen not to watch them as an adult. He, however clearly likes them but my girls have never seen them before.

On Sunday evening they came home as usual and were fine.... until bedtime! They were both crying and asked to have the light left on (which they have never done before) and told me it was because they had watched a film on Saturday night in bed about a girl who lived with her dad, got shot outside the house and died and she had a knife before and they was a lot of killing in the film etc.. and couldn't get it out of their mind about the poor girl! I was so upset and texted my ex to ask what it was but he has completely ignored me?! Again last night for bed, the same thing.... all tears and too scared to go to sleep - something I have never dealt with before and I am not impressed with the timing either as I am overdue with 3rd baby and this is very unsettling to say the least!

I have tried to find some evidence on the internet about the adverse affects it has on children, for example anxieties and sleep disorders so I can email them to him maybe. But this is really getting to me now, do I say they can't sleep round anymore as they come home every other weekend saying they have watched 2-3 dvds over the course of the weekend and as much as they're not all inappropriate, I find it so frustrating that they are couped up all weekend in front of a TV? Especially now its this kind of detrimental viewing!! :mad:

Any ideas?

Thanks x

emsywoo123

lilmisschick wrote: »

Hi all,

I need some advice. My two daughters aged 8 and 6 go to their dads every other weekend. I always had a battle with him when we were together about his offensive language in front of them and since separating three years ago, I have had to tell him on numerous occasions that I do not like them being exposed to games like call of duty? on the ps3 that he still plays at the grand old age of 35yrs as they came home telling me someone's head had been cut off!!!!! :eek:

Anyway, I hate horror films and do not watch them. I remember watching a couple when I was a teenager and they effected me for quite a while later so I have chosen not to watch them as an adult. He, however clearly likes them but my girls have never seen them before.

On Sunday evening they came home as usual and were fine.... until bedtime! They were both crying and asked to have the light left on (which they have never done before) and told me it was because they had watched a film on Saturday night in bed about a girl who lived with her dad, got shot outside the house and died and she had a knife before and they was a lot of killing in the film etc.. and couldn't get it out of their mind about the poor girl! I was so upset and texted my ex to ask what it was but he has completely ignored me?! Again last night for bed, the same thing.... all tears and too scared to go to sleep - something I have never dealt with before and I am not impressed with the timing either as I am overdue with 3rd baby and this is very unsettling to say the least!

I have tried to find some evidence on the internet about the adverse affects it has on children, for example anxieties and sleep disorders so I can email them to him maybe. But this is really getting to me now, do I say they can't sleep round anymore as they come home every other weekend saying they have watched 2-3 dvds over the course of the weekend and as much as they're not all inappropriate, I find it so frustrating that they are couped up all weekend in front of a TV? Especially now its this kind of detrimental viewing!! :mad:

Any ideas?

Thanks x

Hi Op
Someone wise will come along shortly I am sure, but in the meantime I just thought I would chip in and agree that I think it is wrong, him letting them watch these things. OH plays call of duty ONLY when DD (6) has gone to bed or if we are at the shops or something so that she does not see it.:cool:

cte1111

Your poor little girls, I've always found scary films very disturbing too. Obviously their Dad enjoys them, but he needs to make sure they don't see anything upsetting again in the future.

My advice would be to try and sit down with him and discuss the problem properly. My experience with my ex is that ultimatums to lazy men can just lead to them not bothering to do anything and then the children suffer from not seeing him at all. He needs to see that films and games that are fine for him to watch and play are not suitable for the children to experience.

If you can, try and stay calm as I bet if you sound like you are criticising him, then he will go all defensive and it will end in a messy row.

Perhaps you and your partner can ask him to call round and have a chat after the kids have gone to bed, so you can explain how upset your daughters have been this week. It must be very hard dealing with this when you're already worn out from the last stage of pregnancy. But if you can manage to deal with it without cutting off your children's contact with their Dad, then you will have achieved a lot. Good luck.

B2B-2008

This is going to sound really silly but I can't watch horror films because of the music video thriller! I was 4 or 5 when this came out and my brother showed it to me and I had nightmares for years. Yes I can watch it now and laugh but I have an over active mind and it has to sort things out when I go to sleep at night. Even watching films now that I wouldn't class as horror can keep me awake at night, for example the changeling.

Because of this I respect age ratings on everything, games films etc. I'm pregnant now with my first and I will stick to the rating guides.

We had to stop my niece watching Harry Potter for years because of some of the characters.

I can't believe your ex isn't upset about how this has made his children behave. That in itself should be more than enough for him to think about his viewing habits.

FYI my brother is 40 and still plays computer games!

jamespir

i cant see what's wrong with a 35 year old palying call of duty and i dont think that will affect your kids really

as for the horror films you have to grow up and realise its just a film (
ITS NOT REAL

you also need to explain this to your kids and they will soon forget about it

and explain to the childs father that you would prefer it if he didnt let them watch scary films because they dont like them

kate1976

jamespir wrote: »

i cant see what's wrong with a 35 year old palying call of duty and i dont think that will affect your kids really

as for the horror films you have to grow up and realise its just a film (
ITS NOT REAL

you also need to explain this to your kids and they will soon forget about it

and explain to the childs father that you would prefer it if he didnt let them watch scary films because they dont like them

For goodness sake the children are 6 and 8 and I know for a fact telling them it's just a film will not help, I had a very over imaginative mind at those ages and as much as people told me things weren't real it still played on my mind!! I still don't really like horror films because of this even though I know it's not real!

OP I think you should really try and get your ex to stop letting them see these things, I'm sorry as I can't say how best to do that but I wish you luck and hope the girls settle down soon!

bertiebots

I think you are right to be angry. I always find horror films disturbing and as an adult not a child, the modern ones can be truly horrific. Age ratings are on a film for a reason and your ex has been very irresponsible letting your poor little ones watch these type of films.
The only thing you can do is offer them lots of cuddles,reasurance and try to explain that the things happening in the film were not real, despite them looking real. Try reading them nice bedtime storys etc to get some good images in their heads before they go to sleep iyswim?
This would be ,for me, reason enough for them not to sleep over until he can accept that they are upsetting his girls so much. He is being very immature!

pulliptears

whilst I agree that the kids playing is wrong I do take objection to this:

he still plays at the grand old age of 35yrs

There is nothing wrong with gaming, at ANY age. I'm a 37yr old Mum of 2 who plays on the PS3, as does my 38yr old husband.

Abbafan1972

We have a PS3 and the kids play on it, but have to say we don't own any "scary" type games, only a couple of car racing games and Fighting, we do let the kids play them if they want.

I like the odd scary film, but we never watch them with the kids.

My kids are 5 & 8 and even though the films aren't real, it's hard to convince them it isn't.

I was allowed to watch scary films quite young and have to say it does play on your mind for ages afterwards. I can remember watching "Scanners" when I was quite young and also "The Omen", the bit where the photographer gets beheaded was on my mind for ages afterwards.

So no, I wouldn't let them watch these kinds of films or play these games.

kindofagilr

There is nothing wrong with him playing games when he is 35, you say that like he is pathetic.

Maybe your girls told your ex they wanted to watch it and were enjoying it but it wasnt till it was bed time their imagiantions took over?

I do think they are too young (well depending on what the film was)

It seems that you are more concenrened as you dont like horror films? I wathced all the nightmare on elm streeet films when I was 10 and yeah they scared me, thats the point but I loved them.

mummy_Jay

As a huge horror fan and a mother, there is no way I would let my DS (5) watch most of them, though he's urge to see them has got me to relent slightly and I have let him see the original black and white creature from the black lagon (1953, so no swearing, no violence just a simple storyline, thats no where near as scary as some of the cartoons on tv or star wars). But I would not let him watch the news on anything other than cbbc, as i find that far more frightening than any horror movie.

I've also always taught my son, he can watch U films and PG's but if it's red circle it's a no.

I have no idea how to deal with your ex, he doens't see the damage he's doing so he maynot be taking it seriously. Make it very clear to him how these are effecting the girls (try keeping a diary of their reactions and how it effects them), but I think you need to sadly ask your DD's to tell him no they don't want to see these films either. Maybe he will be more inclined to listen to them.

As for the girls, have you told them the blood in films is all corn syrup and the bodies are plastic? it may help but maybe its the idea that scares them. My DS believes after watch kids cartoons and some sci-fi films, monsters, aliens and giant dinosaurs only happen in America, it helps him dettach from things he doesn't like.

Silly question but if your ex is playing games and watching these films, is he actually spending anytime with the girls get to know them, doing things they like?