Ok, it starts here

williamD1964

I accept the responsibility of my actions and I am willing to accept the consequence. I realise it was my decision and I took it. As for dragging colleagues into this, well, they are already in it. It was a colleague who dropped me in it and in doing so has opened up a can of worms that, will have far reaching consequences for all staff on the system. The tears have subsided for now. Now the anger is setting in.
I suddenly realised I dont have, or never needed a CV.
A dear friend called me this morning and I had a good cry down the phone at her. She was shocked to hear me like this, as I have always been the one to be offering the support and comfort and words of advice. She made the point that surely the company have to take into consideration the fact that I have served 27 years, but I really dont think that will be of much use (ever the optimist).

Anger is an energy. (Public image limited)

savingwannabe

I like Public Image.

Well your wife is upset. It is an early reaction when faced with something that is unexpected and it will pass. She needs you and loves you as much as you love her. Do not dwell on this.

I was accused of codswallop at work last year - dont ask - it made me furious- when they did an investigation it was thrown out and the alleged complainant's mother said i was the best teacher the student had ever had. Everyone at work had backed off, all my 'friends' at work they knew me, they knew i would never do these things and they knew i was being set up I didn't i was told at the end of the investigation. All started by a jealous colleague who still can't believe i am still there. The time was immensely stressful and I felt as though my world was ending as my job was the only source of ego/self i had. Something like this can happen again, probability dictates there are some mean people in the world. But now i am ready. If i am unhappy with the situation i will walk. I know i can find a job - i wont care if i work in Mcdonalds if necessary and they will promote me because i am me and good at what i do. My confidence has moved on sooo much and if i hadn't rode the storm i would not have seen what i was capable of. It was a time of disbelief, incredulity, anger, hurt, betrayal but i moved on and you are stronger than i will ever be my friend.

Find me one person on MSE that has never made a mistake. Everyone does it is part of being human. Do not beat yourself up any further. Go to the dr they will help give you something to help calm down and sleep. The lack of sleep is fuelling the fears of a worst case scenario.

What's the worst thing that can happen? you are demoted or lose your job. I worked in a fantastic college 5 years ago my heroes - people who were inventors, everyone was a fantastic teacher sent lots of students to Oxford and Cambridge every year, ex ambassadors were made redundant one year before they were due to retire and treated shabbily. I was so angry i walked out too. Every single person has moved on, they look younger and healthier and the college is in tatters, their loss. There is life and a world of opportunities out there. You have to see them to grab them and YOU will.

What does So Sad Angel always say? as one door closes another opens. If you lose your job, you live in London sweetie the best place to live when job searching. Someone here can help with your CV. Vix is doing her CV on our thread today. There is a wealth of wisdom to help you along your way. Wordsmith, Firewalker, everyone has given fantastic advice. I know we are far away and not physically there for you but i can guarantee we are with you spiritually - you are in all of our thoughts and whatever, we are on your side.

It will work out you have too much to give to the world you need to believe in yourself and live out your destiny. In five years time this will be a distant memory and you will have moved on. Picture what you want William you will have it. You are WilliamD1964 i can't expect anything less.

Firewalker

SW - wow!!! What a post. William, listen to Kit - she is talking sense. Read and re-read this post.

FW

savingwannabe

He must have so much adrenalin whizzing around poor flower. I wish we were there. We would make him a cup of tea, give him some nice cake, (pinch a few of those purple carrots well i'll never be well behaved!) and tell him how amazing we know he is. Think of the bad things that have happened to you before and how YOU overcame them William.

Ps Mr W, you do know we think you are amazing dont you? You might be doubting yourself but we KNOW you can beat this.

williamD1964

in trying to sort out this mess I have have made a few decisions, and run through some scenarios.

Worst case. Lose of job = Sale of house ASAP, pay off mortgage, give anything left to the wife and walk away. This will enable her to start will a little financial stability, and I can apply for bankruptcy once the house has been sold. The debts are all in my name. If she wants a divorce then then I will not stand in her way. It will be easier for me to rebuild on my own.

I will arrange some viewings by estate agents tomorrow for the house while she is at work. giving me an idea of how much we are likely to get for it. Am hoping for about 235k but realistically may be only 220K. even with the lowest estimate, this will give her 30k to start again. Hopefully this will give her enough to play with.

Wordsmith

I hope you've also looked at the best case, William.

Do you know your wife wants a divorce. Do you know she wants you to walk away from her and your children? Why are you assuming this? If she hasn't said so, why are you sinking into this mire of despair? Of course I don't know the circumstances, but I can tell you that if I found out that my husband had had estate agents round to value the house without my knowing anything about it in case I wanted a divorce I hadn't asked for, I would be hopping mad. HOPPING MAD. Do not put yourself through this, William. There are worst case scenarious, and there are worst case scenarios. It seems like you are trying to make yourself feel as bad as possible. Why? Punishment? Because it's easier than dealing with positively? You are in a bad place now, please do yourself a favour and do not make it worse. Circumstances at work are being investigated. This is not a surprise to you. Investigation does not equal loss of job does not equal break up of marriage does not equal losing children does not equal bankruptcy does not equal the end of the line. You can't see it now, but just trust that there is a way through this.

beanielou

What a lovely heartfelt post from sw William.
Food for thought from Wordsmith too & I agree that if someone had my home valued without my knowledge I would be pretty naffed off.

williamD1964

I have just had a call from from work, asking me to come in for an interview tomorrow at 3pm. I have arranged local union representation. Those of youwho pray, pray for me, those who don't, please wish me good fortune.

Wordsmith, as for knowing of she wants a divorce? Telling me just to "!!!! off" this morning when she was telling me how useless I was, I would say that is a bloody big hint wouldnt you? As fvor my feelings towards her, well contempt may be too strong a word but then...

Expect the worst and be prepared, accept that this world is unfair and that people like me 99% of the time get screwed by others. Perhaps its karma and I was a real !!!!!!! in a previous life.

I am not hopeful for anything, I expect nothing from the company as I have been asked before, what am I prepared to give the company, and when I answered "isnt 25 years of my life enough" I got told "no".

I am going to bath the kids, read them a story then once they are in bed I will go for a walk. She will probably be in bed when I get back and I can crash on the sofa.

Thanks for putting up with me

Wordsmith

williamD1964 wrote: »

I have just had a call from from work, asking me to come in for an interview tomorrow at 3pm. I have arranged local union representation.

Good. They are not keeping you hanging around. I'm glad that you have a union rep to go with you.

williamD1964 wrote: »

IThose of youwho pray, pray for me, those who don't, please wish me good fortune.

I will do both.

williamD1964 wrote: »

Wordsmith, as for knowing of she wants a divorce? Telling me just to "!!!! off" this morning when she was telling me how useless I was, I would say that is a bloody big hint wouldnt you?

No. Without knowing the lady, I would say she was shocked, upset and that was her knee-jerk reaction. Besides, did you give her a worst-case scenario, or did you just give the facts?

williamD1964 wrote: »

As fvor my feelings towards her, well contempt may be too strong a word but then...

Only you know that one.

williamD1964 wrote: »

Expect the worst and be prepared, accept that this world is unfair and that people like me 99% of the time get screwed by others. Perhaps its karma and I was a real !!!!!!! in a previous life.

Previous lives don't come into it, only the current one, and you don't sound like a !!!!!! to me. Expect the worst and 95% of the time, that is what you will get. Life isn't fair, we each have to make the best of what we've got. Just recently you've been doing that. I hope you will again.

williamD1964 wrote: »

I am not hopeful for anything, I expect nothing from the company as I have been asked before, what am I prepared to give the company, and when I answered "isnt 25 years of my life enough" I got told "no".

Be hopeful, be strong, and like Firewalker said, think of ways to turn the situation around. The company pays you, so what are you prepared to give in return for the wages?

williamD1964 wrote: »

I am going to bath the kids, read them a story then once they are in bed I will go for a walk. She will probably be in bed when I get back and I can crash on the sofa.

Let the kids and the walk calm you. Try to get some sleep so you are as fresh as is possible for tomorrow.

williamD1964 wrote: »

Thanks for putting up with me

Not "putting up with". See us proud. We know you will.

All the very best for tomorrow, William.

boredofbeingathome

Hi William, me again. I hope you read this in the spirit it is meant.

Your wife sounds like she is hurting and therefore wants to hurt you- i reckon it is a knee jerk reaction to the situation. I also think that you are needlessly equating that with your own hurt and therefore because you feel guilty agree with her.

The bigger picture? You are a good father and a provider, so you have made mistakes, we all have and admit to them..you are in limbo at the moment until things start moving -workwise.

So the best case scenario here, You keep your job and everything is out in the open with your wife. You can move forward and have an open and honest relationship.

That's all i require from my marriage, is honesty and being open about debts. I had a massive amount hidden from me, and only found out when the bank took from my savings account to put into joint account to pay off his bank debt. Not good and i felt justified in having a go and i can be very nasty. That is not say that i wasn't willing to try and sort things out, or pay off debts..he has dug his heels in all the way, his ego was hit with work etc and his abilities to provide...he has a good job and is a hard worker, he just needed to be smarter with his money. I do think it has finally got through to him and it has taken a long while. Give your wife that opportunity, don't think for her, or presume that she would want a divorce and allow her to find her own solution, just as you must find your own solution. It's not going to be easy and facing up to everything at once, never is. Personally you don't strike me as the running away type, you have a lovely family by the sound of it and i know you enjoy being with your family. It will take time to work through and get sorted.

Would you be saying the same thing if this was your wife going through this? Just a thought.

I hope i haven't been out of order saying this and i am willing to delete it if you want. I just wanted you to see it from another point of view from someone who is working through debts that aren't all my own.