Ok, it starts here

beanielou

Nothing to add to what everyone else has said other than be kind to yourself.

The_Dragon

Hugs William, again I cannot add anything else but please know we are behind you

williamD1964

All,

I have discussed the position with my wife. and as I feared the sympathy level is non existant. Basically she has stated that I am selfish, that I have thrown away all that we have, that I have acted like a single man with no responsibilities. How dare I be so stupid in doing what I have done. So, my worst fears are coming screaming towards me.

No one to blame but myself really. I guess that light at the end of the tunnel really is a train coming towards me.

No hope left.

Wordsmith

I have been suspended with pay, William. In my case my boss was also suspended because of what the powers that be thought I had done, and so I felt terrible to bring this upon someone who so didn't deserve that kind of treatment. In the end, it was found that there was no case to answer for each of us, but we didn't know for a long time that that would be the case. I was kept going by the unjustness of it and my anger carried me through. In addition, I managed to do some freelance work during the time I was suspended, so it turned out to be a lucrative time for me.

On a separate occasion I was accused of racism and had to go through the process of that being investigated. Again there was no case to answer - the complainant was trouble-making, just because he could). But the process was not pleasant. What saw me through was the truth as I knew it.

If you haven't already done so, do get in touch with your union rep as soon as you can. As others have said, don't air your views on here, or to anyone other than the union at your work. Concentrate solely on your situation and don't bad-mouth anyone else where you work - it may help to let off steam now, but you may come to regret it later.

Do what you can to relax - meditation, yoga, seeing your counsellor. Negative thoughts are just so bad at this sort of time. "Stand porter at the door of thought." (Have I mentioned this before?) It is within you to stay strong and to act with dignity, and your thoughts now could influence the outcome. There are a lot of positive vibes wending their way to you from around the country. You are not alone, so don't withdraw.

[Incidentally, I am not a rebel - honest, Gov - but the workplace and my job at the time made unfounded complaints an occupational hazard. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!]

Good luck.

The_Dragon

williamD1964 wrote: »

All,

I have discussed the position with my wife. and as I feared the sympathy level is non existant. Basically she has stated that I am selfish, that I have thrown away all that we have, that I have acted like a single man with no responsibilities. How dare I be so stupid in doing what I have done. So, my worst fears are coming screaming towards me.

No one to blame but myself really. I guess that light at the end of the tunnel really is a train coming towards me.

No hope left.

Oh hun! No you are not to blame, carp has been thrown at you and there was nothing else you could have done

williamD1964

wife just left for work. The irony of that. Cant stop crying. Feel so weak and alone. My children dont need someone like me, so weak and stupid. I really cant see a way out of this. Cant get much lower

Wordsmith

Your children need YOU. You are neither weak nor stupid.

beanielou

I can only echo Wordsmith.
Things can only get better.

Firewalker

williamD1964 wrote: »

wife just left for work. The irony of that. Cant stop crying. Feel so weak and alone. My children dont need someone like me, so weak and stupid. I really cant see a way out of this. Cant get much lower

Agree with WS - your children need you. And you are not weak. As to sympathy - sorry, William, but sympathy is not what you peobably need. What you need to to do all possible to calm down, and turn the situation around. And yes. you can do it.

About taking risks - this should not be done recklessly, but I am becoming a convert to the saying 'Better ask forgiveness than permission.'

FW

Wordsmith

Well said, Firewalker.

William, cry yourself out, have a cuppa and then think about what Firewalker has said. What matters here is you, your children and your wife. Don't for one moment think that this is the end of something - you do not know what the outcome will be. Sit back and fear the worst, and the worst may well happen. What you need now - after giving yourself some time to yourself to fall apart and get it out of your system - is to accept the situation, accept the blame (if indeed that is right - only you know) and start to put things right. Please, please do not drag your colleagues into this. When you are able, try to talk to your wife, be as candid as you can and plan together how to move forward.

And yes, it is easy for us to give advice when we don't know the situation. Yes, at the moment you feel terrible (as we all would). But know there is a way forward and it is within you to take it.