Ok, it starts here

Firewalker

William, reading your last post warmed up my heart. Keep digging and sleeping - you are probably exhausted emotionally, psychologically and physically.

Look after self - hope session goes well.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Golden Brown amazing hypnotic dark song. One of the best. They were a band at the vanguard of the music business, even now that song sends shivers down my spine. Take things slowly and be kind to yourself. Good luck at appointment tomorrow. All steps in the right direction. Sleep well. Tomorrow will be a happy day.

williamD1964

Good morning all. Firstly apologies for not posting for the last few days. As most know I had a couselling session on tuesday. This went well. Better than I expected and appeared to be very productive. For the first time in a long time I let rip at someone about how angry I feel towards the company for the lack of support they have shown me in the past few years. I understand now that loyalty is a word that is no longer in managements dictionary. Anyway, I have decided that I shall use the tools that I have (including the couselling) to do what is neccessary for me. As someone pointed out to me, if you admit there is a problem, then they must offer help under the duty of care agreements. The counsellor is of the belief that I need at least a few more sessions, and I have suffered the equivelant of a traumitic event. I also made them aware thatI believed that there was a direct corrolation between my return to heavy gambling,to the personal attack on my credibility and professionalism by the totally false accusations of harrassment by a female colleague, the lack of support and backing from the company, and the fact that I had no outlet for the anger I felt at the apparent betrayal by the company.
Anyway, I have a further counselling session in two weeks time.

Tuesday afternoon was spent with friend whos mother passed away a few weeks ago. It was his birthday on Thursday so we had a pub lunch and made plans to make it a regular occurance. He lives in west london, the other side of Heathrow airport, and I had to trek out to him on a 40 minute bus journey, travelling through areas of my youth and childhood. I sat listening to my music as the views past me by, and I realised how much had changed since I last passed through the area. The factory wear my father worked for 28 years had gone, replaced by houses, the high street I did my growing up on had changed dramatically, appearing to go down market than improving. Roads that I used to cycle down had even turned into duel carriageways! Time and tide...
Hav checked my finances and the last months expenditure was heavy, as I had unexpected bills including a hotel stay, road tax, MOT and servicing costs, as well as train journeys to pay for. I have also ordered new stock which will I am hoping will go as quickly the last lot.
Yesterday was a day spent setting up the mini green house ready for the seeds we will plant with the kids on saturday, as well as pottering around the house, then taking the kids swimming in the afternoon. My son, when he listens, never ceases to amaze. Its just getting him to listen! When he finally listened to the instructions I was giving him, he went from barely being able to float on his back, to swimming virtually the whole length of the pool. His sister, not to be outdone, did exactly the same.

Today I will, to the annoyance of my wife, will watch the cricket in the morning, and then go to Costco in the afternoon. I also will be doing some yoga, and looking at the something called EMDR which is a technique that the counsellor wants to use. Oh and the kids have their swimming lessons this afternoon so will no doubt be in the pool with them after the lessons with them.

Have lost 4Ib and I am down to 13 stone 1Ib, but one wonders if that is stress rather than good eating and exercise!

Does anyone know where I can get some seeds for purple carrots?

Ok, time for a coffee.

Today I am clean, and will not gamble

Wordsmith

All sounding good, William. You are coming across as so strong. Regular lunches with a friend will be an excellent thing to get into the habit of. Stick with it - you will get through this.

williamD1964

Today has been a good day. I got up late, and grilled some bacon for breakfast. I decided that I would allow this one cooked breakfast a week. I decided to get the small greenhouse up and ready earlier but the plastic covering had become brittle during the winter and needed replacing. This was replaced and I also decided to double the capacity and buy another one. I also managed to pick up some potting compost and additional seeds. The afternoon was spent building the thing, getting the seeds planted in the seedtrays and labelling them. This year I will be growing tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, spring onions, cabbages, peas, beans, and broccoli. Its my hope that I can use the gardening as a means to exercise, and keep me out from under my wifes feet.

My finances are not too clever this month. I am stuggling but will survive. Im back to work tomorrow. I am optimistic that things are ok, but the thoughts that this might be the lull before the storm. I have another counselling appointment on the 23rd, and I am looking to seeing what happens during the interim.

I am looking for a decent tia chi dvd if anyone can recommend one.

Just 5 days back to work and then another week off, but I will be keeping myself busy. I have 2 days of what is called CDP (continual professional development) on the 28th and 29th of this month. Basically its a yearly examination to make sure that I know what I am doing. The trouble is, most of the stuff and protocols get forgotten as they are never used. So I guess I will be reading up on them in the next few weeks. More stress!

Still clean, still struggling. Still here...just

beanielou

Its great you are still clean & still here.
Keep plodding & keep posting.
Take care.

savingwannabe

Cooked breakfast is good. Growing your own veg is great. I have a huge garden and i have basic seeds and am going to start some too maybe on tuesday.

The purple carrot thing got me William. WHAT THE HECK IS A PURPLE CARRROT???? have i been missing out? i read about it at work and it has been in the back of my mind ever since. I have never seen a purple carrot in the shops. Where should i be shopping???? (feeling rather inadequate).

The_Dragon

savingwannabe wrote: »

Cooked breakfast is good. Growing your own veg is great. I have a huge garden and i have basic seeds and am going to start some too maybe on tuesday.

The purple carrot thing got me William. WHAT THE HECK IS A PURPLE CARRROT???? have i been missing out? i read about it at work and it has been in the back of my mind ever since. I have never seen a purple carrot in the shops. Where should i be shopping???? (feeling rather inadequate).

Carrots come in orange, purple and white ... cauliflowers in white, green and orange! potatoes white and purple

williamD1964

Beat me to it!

savingwannabe

Nooooo. I have only ever seen an orange carrot. I have been conned. Multi coloured cauliflowers is this healthy????

I am genuinely astounded my dear Dragon. EEEK, want to try them, where do i find them?