Ok, it starts here

Wordsmith

Ah, Mr D, that sounds like the point where you hit the floor but started the upwards trajectory. All credit to you for immediately putting the seeds of coping mechanisms in place. I hope they will continue to grow. The relief of talking to your wife must have been huge - maybe you will be able at some point to tell her everything. It will seem a long time until the 9th, but it will soon come round - let's hope they will be able to provide you with ways of re-looking at situations. And as for work, well, you don't know it's over yet, but it hasn't come crashing down around your ears either.

Keep looking forward. Use this space to offload, if it helps. With very best wishes for what happens next.

Firewalker

William, this time I am seriously proud of you - talking to your wife is something you had to do and you went and did it. And was it as bad as you thought? Probably at the time but now it feels better...or soon will. It is similar with this matter at work - think very carefully what you want in life. Now is your time and there might be something better around the corner. Forget fear and start thinking and doing.

But first rest and recover; see what is happening at work without building monsters and start preparing your exit. I just read somewhere that the people who have possibilities are the people who have the power. Start building possibilities, my friend.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Oh bless you William I kept looking for your posts at work and kept praying as i hadn't seen anything till now. Some goodness has come out of this. You have asked professionals for help and they will give you the tools to cope.

I have General Affective Disorder and panic about everything and make irrational worst case scenarios of situations all the time. I went to cognitive behavioural therapy this year and i am finally realising that it was no way to live. It is still a learning curve but you know what it is a fantastic feeling as i know i am making progress.

What an amazing step you have taken, you rang for help, you got to the bottom of what had been bothering you when you had been trying to cope alone for so long. You have the backing of your dear wife, your doctor, nice work colleagues and us. We love you dearly and you have made me cry. With happiness i know what you are going through and i know this is a move for the better your life will improve and you will not have to face such dark days again.

We love you dearly you know. I am so glad you are ok. Love you lots and huge hug,

Have you read Dr Tim Cantopher's Depressive Illness the Curse of the Strong? 9780859699747. It is just what you need and will explain things to you. I have a copy but lent it out and am waiting for it to come back,

Enjoy being at home, spend time with your wife, it is good and will get so much better, you must be so drained. Life is so pressurised, it shouldn't be like this. This is a turning point in your life and i am so proud of you, you will go from strength to strength, kit.

savingwannabe

Goodnight William i do hope you are able to sleep tonight. Tomorrow is always a better day and you have achieved so much today. An honour and a pleasure always. Goodnight.

BILLIE

WELL DONE WILLIAM you have stood your ground with your demons and slowly one by one they are falling down. The most important one, which you may not realise, is you admitted to a Manager there was a problem at work which was causing you a great deal of stress. He has recommended a Counsellor and because you have said hands up I have a problem your Employer has to help you - any disciplinary or grievance will have to wait. Whilst I understand you not wanting to be signed off sick, maybe because the going back would be harder, don't be too hard on yourself and take stock of the tasks you are being asked to do and if they are too onerous don't stay silent speak up. You are clean both from gambling and from being taken advantage on at work. You are strong and have the support of your wife which is probably even more important. As has already been said big hugs to you and your wife. There now is a light at the end of the tunnel. Quite rightly you may be down but you are now on the way up again. Billie xx

micron_2

Hi William,

I am really proud of you and second what everybody has said. By talking with your wife and going to see your doctor/counsellor you have taken positive action and responsibility of how you are feeling and this can only help. I continue to have faith that all will sort itself out and for the better. I truly believe things happen for a reason and I do mean a positive reason.

Stay strong. xx

williamD1964

Dear all, thank you for all your support. Last night was a lot better at work. The people I work with have been commenting on the overall change in my attitude, even in a 24 hour period.

It is said by those that know, that doing the job that I do is a mixture of compentence, confidence and experience in equal measure and I realise this is so true. Without the correct balance, like a house of cards, its likely to come tumbling down. Getting that balance back will be a long road but I think I have taken a small step. I have managed to sleep a bit better today.
One of the good things about my job is the holidays I get. I have just remembered that I swopped a weeks holiday for a colleague and have 7 days off from sunday, then go back for a week then I have another week off! I have also been instructed by a close friend I MUST do at least 15 minutes yoga a day (to start with). I will try to do as he says. I will also contact my hypnotherapy friend and see if I can get a freebie session with her. A bit presumptious of me but if you don't ask you don't get.
I will use the time off do do the following:

1. Get the vegetable garden dug over and fed.
2. Plant the seeds in the mini green house.
3. Exercise every day, be it yoga, swimming, a long walk or Wii fit.
4. Spend quality time with the wife.
5. Do some research into depression, stress and diet.
6. Check my finances are still ok.
7. Daily entries on here.

Ok time for a reading session with the children, dinner and get ready for work.

Wordsmith

William, that is such a positive post. It is heartening to read it. Your list for next week sounds excellent, as does the yoga every day. I hope work tonight is OK, and that you really enjoy your week off.

savingwannabe

You sound like a new person. Wonderful. I am so happy for you. It is falling into place. Rest, don't do too much and enjoy - be happy my friend.

Firewalker

Hi William, glad to hear you feel a bit better and ready to start re-building. Your friend is right about yoga. Also on the BBC website there is a video instruction on meditation - very good as well.

All the best and keep writing.

Firewalker