Ok, it starts here

williamD1964

Good evening/morning. Back to work this evening and to be honest actually looking forward to it.

I have had some disappointments this week. The week off which should have been spent doing a myriad of things was spent trying to feel at least a little human. My darling wife was insistant that I was playing on in and just being lazy, which was not helpful. In fact this week has been a real bad week for us. Too many arguements over trivialities and far too many silences. I have tried, but she is so unresponsive. I sometimes feel that I can't do right for doing wrong. Does that make sense?
A delivery of stock arrived, and has to go back as all are defective. So, thats at least a month with money tied up that could be spent elsewhere.
The year anniversary of being free from gambling is approaching. It would be nice to have that recognised but she is oblivious to this. I can't complain about this, most of the debt is my fault, and I have taken responsibility for this and I intend to clear it. My problem is that she seems to resent me more and more regardless of the work that I do, and have done to ensure that she wants for nothing. For the 6 years since the children arrived, she has not worked. I have not pressurised her, I have not expected her to. But she seems to resent the fact that I work and she doesn't. Its like she blames me. When I have broached the subject she denies this, but during arguements she comes out with " its alright for you, you get out of the house and go to work".

Enough. Work to do.

Things could be worse...

andrinaperry

You have taken the first step and that is the heardest you have admitted it

Well done and good luck

Firewalker

Hi William, sorry to hear about the situation with your wife. When did you tell her about the debt (and the reason)? If it was recently she will be at you for some time yet. I shouted at OH for months and even thought I have lost my best friend forever. Importantly we kept talking and eventually got back on the same wave-length. This is important - what you are doing is something that needs two people. Even if your wife does not go out to work she will need to gove you all the support she could give.

Going out to work will be good for her as well though. Twinnies are grown up enough not to need her at home all the time. But be careful - sometimes couples get so frustrated with each other that they keep living in the past and blaming each other...bad. Need to creat a vision of the future and go for it with all you have...you both have.

I am so pleased about you staying clean - this is very important. Stay off and you can achieve anything. Your ideas can work - big time.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

Forgive me William but i thought she still didn't know about the financial circumstances ( I may be wrong). You could ask her to write down what she is upset about and maybe you could write down what upsets you - it might be a calm way of dealing with an emotive topic. Stay clean you have too much to aim for to give up now and you have come so far dear friend.

Good job you could send back the stock I hope the new things come soon and you will be trading successfully soon.

williamD1964

Evening people, I seem to have given the impression that my wife knows about the debt. She doesnt, and if I have my way, she won't. I think that she is resentful that I work and that she feels like a kept woman. I have tried always to make her realise that this is not the case, that she works bloody hard at home and looking after the kids when I am at work is just as vital to a good family as both of us working. I have never be patronising.
My problem is that at the moment she is pushing me away so hard that its almost impossible to get close. When I try to start a conversation she clams up or won't discuss it. So we have these bloody silences that go on and on. Then follows an outpouring of resentment and venom, and then more silences. I feel like crap, because I can't seem to get close any more. To be brutally honest, its killing me on the inside and I would walk away, but I can't/won't do that.

As I have said before. Finaces are so tight, should I leave, the house would have to be sold. This would mean any profit from the house being split. This would not be enough to buy anything so they would have to move into rented ot council accomodation. Coming from that background I WON'T let that happen.

Enough of that.

My team won their match tonight and a date with Wembley is now definate, so I will be saving my pennies for that.

Also the stock that I thought had to be sent back was callibrated wrongly and is now working. As my colleague said it was all down to a "RTFM" moment. When asked to explain he told it meant "Read the F**king manual". Nuff said.

Take care people, thanks for the concern. Gonna go and have a late supper as I am working at this ungodly hour.

savingwannabe

Petal leave her a letter with some nice chocolates by her bed or somewhere she likes to sit down tell her that you love her and you are worried about her and that she is of paramount importance to you and that you would like to chat to clear the air. Say all the stuff you said in the above post in the letter, once again tell her you love her and you want to sort it out. Life is too short to be miserable my friend. You love each other that should be enough.

I also think you are taking things so personally as you are working so hard. She will want to talk believe i dont know any woman that does not like to talk. It is what we do. Bless you, love sw.

williamD1964

Good evening everyone. Lets start with the "Im still clean, 354 days on, and 11 days to go to be 1 year clean".

The home life has eased a bit. I spoke to her mother (always a calming influence on her) and told her of her daughters behaviour. Two hours after getting off the phone with her, my wife called and spoke to me (civilly) for the first time in ages. We eventually got to the root of the matter and are now talking.

Work is a bloody nightmare. I won't go into it but if you read facebook entries from underground employees, you'll guess the rest.

Talking of work, my wife has been shortlisted for a part time job at the childrens school. I do hope she gets it, not only for her but for my sanity!

I have sat down and worked out that I have made about £600 in the past few months from sales of various things sourced. This is clear profit. Knowing this I have spoken to the wife about my "savings" and we have decided that we will put it towards a family holiday. I know this sounds extravagant but we both feel this is the right thing to do. I'm hoping that sales will remain this steady for another few months!

I hope all are well.

savingwannabe

Hooray. Can your mum in law talk to my dad he is doing my head in????

williamD1964

My mother in law will be moving in permanently in October! In some respects I get on better with her than I do with the wifes (at times!)

Firewalker

Good news all around. Holidays are important - and people can have great time without spending a fortune (as I have discovered). William, at some point you will have to start 'rolling' your profits - you are so goo at this one that your negative wealth will diappear in no time. How great is this going to be, eh?

I am taking it easy today - have not had a weekend since Christmas. Nobody will be better off is I get myself ill, so...