Cant afford my wife anymore

BILLIE

It would seem Enabler that you have been (quite rightly) upset by some of the posts on here. However, some do wish to support you and I hope that you are okay as your post last night gave nothing away as to how lunch went. Good luck and hope to see you posting again. Chin up you will get through this because you want to. Billie xx

saxysarah

Yup I echo that Billie its very easy for people to jump on the bandwagon when its anonymous etc. The important thing here is that its out in the open and although difficult times etc doubtless lie ahead Enabler you are dealing with it the best way you can, and lots of us are here to offer support - even if thats only a virtual shoulder and a place to have a rant. Sarah xx

BILLIE

Enabler you okay?:(

InaPickle

Hope things are going OK, enabler. Let us know how things go and we will see what we can do to help. x

Happytogetdebtfree

Hope all is well xx

Chillout5892

Be great to see you back on the site. Hope it's all getting easier for you.
If you've a bottle of wine stashed away, crack it open and have a glass with your wife. Bet you could both do with a boost.

Cheers

!

NGlady

Hi, just read some of your thread and was just wondering, has your wife ever considered "swap sites" such as bigwardrobe? Basically, shoppaholics all have a vertual wardrobe, which they upload clothes that they have brought but never loose that 3stone for or doesnt suit them or only wear things once or whatever, and for the price of that unwanted item and a couple of pounds at the post office she could have a new dress/top/whatever. Would possibly give her her shopping fix. Its not just students etc that do it, theres some really professional people on there and she could bag it off as being "envrionmentally friendly" or something.

euronorris

Hi Enabler!

I hope everything is OK at home and that you haven't been scared off by some nasty posts. We're not all nasty and sometimes we have bad days, like everyone else, so come back!

Anyway, it has occurred to me that there are quite a few areas for you to tackle and this thread has grown considerably and is probably beginning to confuse you a bit as to what you should/shouldn't be doing.

To make it clearer, you could always start a new thread purely for tackling each issue you want to address. ie, you could list them on the first thread, but deal with them one at a time. So, you ask people to provide hints and tips for tackling the first item on the list, decide how you want to move forward, action it and then ask for help on the second item etc.

There will be inevitable crossovers, but I think it will help you to gain a clearer picture of each of the issues individually and won't seem like a mountain. Break it down into bite size chunks, you know? Perhaps you can then even get your wife involved in tackling each issue also. She will probably feel more comfortable with it once it's broken down as it will have been a lot for her to take in. It should also help to give her a clearer picture of the situation and encourage you both to tackle this together.

Just a thought. Hope you're OK.

x

saxysarah

Hope is all ok Enabler we're all here rooting for u ready with virtual hugs and shoulders ;-) xx

Chillout5892

MyLastFiver wrote: »

I'm going to be controversial here but please bear with me....
In my opinion you should not let Capital One and Sainsburys do your family planning. IF you both want another child then I don't think you should dismiss it out of hand because of the finances.

Your SOA ain't pretty but it's certainly not a lost cause either....

I think you may need to enter into a Debt Management Plan for the unsecured borrowing...(which you are doing)

I don't know how old you both are but your wife has a "fertility window" and if you didn't have another child just because you owed money to bloody Sainsbury's then you may be storing up regret and unhappiness for later life. ....

Whatever you decide to do, the very best to you both.

I really think 'My Last Fiver' has some words of wisdom here, but, I
just want to point out, Enabler (or to anyone else who read my previous post) how bewildering it is to be in your wife's situation where

1. encouraged enjoyment of a lifestyle that was sanctioned, is suddenly withdrawn because 'YOU' are the cause of it's un-sustainability.
2. loyalty is then expected to be proved by you not telling anyone how unhappy you are and what's causing it, i.e. blamed for everything going wrong.

I don't for a moment think you would have behaved in the same appalling way, my partner at the time did. It's just that many of the overly harsh criticisms of your wife made on this thread, pain me. But I do see how you may have been affected by some of the same stresses, as my long ago ex so magnificently failed to identify.

Basically all you are saying today is 'we both need to save money, and stick to a budget, so we can afford another baby as soon as possible.'

My best to you both.