Cant afford my wife anymore

belfastgirl23

My worry about involving the in laws would be that your wife sees this as a way of continuing to fund your lifestyle as it is. Even if you could get rid of the debt by borrowing from them, you have no way of paying them back and on your original budget you were spending £1k a month more than you were earning. So in another couple of years you'd be right back where you are now except with a debt to the ILs as well because even if it was given as a gift I think you're the kind of person who wouldn't feel comfortable with this.

I think your wife has not accepted how difficult the situation is and hasn't faced up to the issues. Have you really spelled out to her in stark black and white your SOA?? If she can look at that and still want another child then she's living in cloud cuckoo land.

Numpty_Monkey

I think its time for a reminder for what DFW is about:A


Pls remember Debt-Free Wannabee's for support and help not judgement
Dear MoneySavers.... Debt Free Wannabee is one of my favourite boards on this site. It's also one which runs a delicate balance. Many people who have serious debts have hidden them for a time, been scared to confront them, suffered depression or have even had suicidal thoughts because of them. While elsewhere on the site robust discussion is welcomed, in Debt Free Wannabee may I politely ask MoneySavers to err on the side of kindness. Of course many are in debt due to over-spending, financial illiteracy, or mismanagement of money (and some through no fault, only due to change of circumstance). Yet the fact they are here means they're looking for help, guidance and to take charge of their finances - and that in itself is admirable Please use your knowledge and kindness to help rather than to berate. This board often has the power to move me to tears with the sheer power of the community that's grown and I hope it will continue. If you feel it’s important to point something out that the poster may find negative but needs to understand, then it's not a problem, but do think carefully about your phrasing - people can be very sensitive and nuances may mislead when it’s in an online Forum.:p:p I love this forum. Many have been and seen through their debts. Yet as it gets larger it's easy for the 'anonymity' of posting to mean as well as protecting users, it's easy to 'post and leave'. I hope this note may act as a wee reminder what it's all about. Martin

:A:A

BILLIE

Hi Enabler - hope that you have had a pleasant afternoon with your family and that you will be able to post again soon as to how in laws have taken the news. You know you have all the support of people on here even though some have been harsh. Anything the members can do with regards to support they will so please come back and let us know how things are progressing Billie xx

louise3965

basmic wrote: »

Which part of my post suggested that it could be in anyway helpful? :rotfl:

My point was, which I've probably gone about the wrong of putting it, that I can't help but feel there are far too many woman who feel they should sit at home while the rest of the universe owes them a living.

I am not saying every mother is like this. But I can't help get that "I'll spread my legs, you will support me for the rest of my life" feeling from some women these days.

OP, I am not saying your missus is like this. But I certainly get the impression that she is a lady of leisure, using the kid/s as an excuse to stop at home. Funny how she wants another one... .

What an obnoxious post.

saxysarah

Fingers crossed for you it all went ok today it's gotta be so hard for you feeling that in their eyes you've let their daughter down weren't able to provide etc etc but try not to beat yourself up over this - its fine for everyone to say your wife should do this that and the other but its all easy to say and when your dearest wish is to give her the life she was accustomed to then coping with feelings of 'failure' must be tough.(i'm not saying you've 'failed' but doubtless thats how you've felt)

Don't let things get you down - she hasn't walked out on you she's trying her best to come to terms with things so far regardless of what other people here might think. you are an inspiration to us lot out here who are yes making sacrifices and cutbacks to sort out our own lives but not always having to have such a complete lifestyle change as you and your wife.
and another baby? thats up to your wife really (and you of course) as to what you want for them I have 5 happy kids and I work and we squeeze in a not big enough house with a couple of too big dogs - chaos! it works for us we're happy. if you can be happy bringing up 2 in probably smaller rented accomodation with dmp in place to cover the shortfall of your debts etc then there's no reason why you cant happily have more - if you would both rather stay put and survive u may have to hold off a little ;-)

this wasn't meant to be advice ;-( sorry just a friendly post and a virtual cuppa and chat kind of thing. will be keeping the fingers crossed for you tho ;-)

coffeemonster*123

That's helpful basmic (NOT)

enabler

basmic wrote: »

Which part of my post suggested that it could be in anyway helpful? :rotfl:

My point was, which I've probably gone about the wrong of putting it, that I can't help but feel there are far too many woman who feel they should sit at home while the rest of the universe owes them a living.

I am not saying every mother is like this. But I can't help get that "I'll spread my legs, you will support me for the rest of my life" feeling from some women these days.

OP, I am not saying your missus is like this. But I certainly get the impression that she is a lady of leisure, using the kid/s as an excuse to stop at home. Funny how she wants another one... .

wow - a bit of a woman hater I see! I cannot see any parallels between my wife and that awful mail article. For one, I am financially supporting our family, albeit not doing a great job of it but she is not relying on benefits so she can stay at home (although perhaps has been on the cc)

She just doesn't want to work whilst we have a young child and feels strongly about this. I love my wife and would never force her to get a job - if we didn't have a child things would be different, she's not lazy or work shy in the slightest. I guess there are other things that can 'give' before she'll consider the working option and I'm happy with that for now. Hell, I'd be happy if she just cut back on her spending.

She does other things than shop and go to the beauty parlour and spends an awful lot of time on her hands and knees playing with our child, making boxes into play houses, taking her to museums and art galleries, making homemade cards with the use of a flower press, etc......she's not completely vacuous and our child is not an excuse for her not to work.

gratefulforhelp_2

Bravo, well said!

How was Sunday lunch?

Nargleblast

Good on you, enabler, for standing up for your wife. It is easy to read a post and think "that person is a complete waste of this planet's oxygen reserves" but you cannot seriously judge anyone until you have met them and got to know them a bit. It is a good idea, when reading a post that annoys you, to try and suspend your own prejudices and reply to posts in a factual manner, leaving emotions out of it. (Not that I am saying it's easy, after all, we are only human!) Anyway, now might be a good time to put this thread to bed and start a new one (call it Mr & Mrs Enabler's crusade for freedom from debt, or something like that) which your wife can contribute to. Then this thread will slip down the list until it is several pages gone and not heard of any more. That way your wife won't get to read any of the name calling that has been going on, and the new thread will be symbolic of your new lives as debtfree wannabees!

RobertoMoir

basmic wrote: »

Which part of my post suggested that it could be in anyway helpful? :rotfl:

Perhaps you should have saved it for another occasion then?

My point was, which I've probably gone about the wrong of putting it, that I can't help but feel there are far too many woman who feel they should sit at home while the rest of the universe owes them a living..

Yes I think you've put things poorly to say the least. First of all the character failing you point out is one that men are also guilty of, and while I'm not part of the PC brigade I find the implication in your post that it's a failing of women alone to be quite distasteful.

Secondly, I don't think your point or the article you linked to has anything to do with Enabler's situation or his partner, and frankly it's offensive to suggest otherwise.

I'm sorry if I sound unduly harsh. I'm sure you were aiming for "amusing" rather than "offensive". It's just that your aim isn't very good.