Cant afford my wife anymore

Verbatim

I don't envy you the Sunday lunch with the in laws. Hope it goes OK and that your wife realizes the implications of your joint situation soon.

basmic

Welcome to 'Single mother Britain':- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1254164/Single-mother-Britain-Three-women-explain-babies-dont-need-father.html

Rather sums up the attitude of your wife, TBH.

Juliepink26

What a load of rubish I very much doubt that is the attitude of his wife, she was under the impression that they were making good money and from the outside big house nice car Iam sure everyone eles thought so as well. The women from the artical are lazy and useless with no asperations for a good future for there children, I refused to have a child untill I had been in a long term relationship for over 7 years and had a happy home in which to bring her up in. Iam sure your wife is a great mum and works very to look after a house of that size, its not easy. No one should be blaming your wife you both got yourselves into this situation. If she didnt understand how bad the situation was how would she know she should be cutting back..?

Karen_30

enabler wrote: »

Thanks for the responses - I'm really overwhelmed by the help I've had from most of you.

Well, the deed is done -she told her Mum...I knew she would and no doubt my father in law is now aware of the situation. Going to be an interesting sunday lunch today then.

Still, I've managed to arrange a mortgage holiday for 3 months so I'm hoping this will sort the overdraft out. Have cancelled all the direct debits for the card payments and other non-essential stuff.

Hi,

Just wanted to pop by and say hello. You have had some fab advice and are doing really well, keep going!

As for the in-law, I suspect that you knew all along they would be told so at least that's done now and after today hopefully you can move on from it. I hope that the lunch goes ok - perhaps they'll be able to look at their part in this and not ensuring that their daughter realised the true value of money etc- who knows?? I'm sure that they will want to help, easier said than done but don't be too proud and not accept, at the end of the day you want to get out of this situation and if they are willing to help then have a good think about it. You seem under immense stress, do what is best for you!

Good luck xx

P.S - although not totally on board (i.e. the shopping!) it does seem that you wife has taken so notice and is starting to make small changes, it's a start! Has she actually seen it all written down?? Perhaps seeing it in front of her on paper would give her the proper wake up call....I know it worked for me xx

mrscmr

hi enabler... good luck for the sunday lunch! although my parents could bail us out of debt in one hit .. i have not mentioned it to them or asked them... they help with odd bits here and there and thats enough to make me feel bad. my parents have the very best money management skills ... but i was a spoilt child and some how developed the worst habits knowing my parents could bail me out.

at the end of the day ur wifes parents only want to help... but its a tough decision.

we also had a mortgage holiday for 6 months... that really helped us!

mrscmr!

enabler

tyllwyd wrote: »

I think it is for the best if she's told her parents - if you go into a DMP it is likely to drag on for years, and it is another layer of stress if you keep on trying to pretend that everything is fine for all that time, so it's probably better to get it out in the open at the start.

For what it is worth, I still think you aren't adressing the main problem - your house is on an interest only mortgage at half your salary, and that's what is eating up your money and causing you to run up debts. What happens if you need to re-mortgage? I know you are in negative equity, but you aren't paying off any of the mortgage at the moment, so as it stands you are basing everything on house prices rising enough to get you out of trouble. It worries me that you don't seem to have a plan if things move further against you.

I hear what you are saying and I am aware that it is a huge mortgage and a huge drain. But being in neg equity I'm not sure what we can do about it at the moment? I may get the house valued to get a better idea. The other thought is whether we could rent it out but not sure the rental would cover a repayment mortgage.

daviesalie_2

enabler wrote: »

Still, I've managed to arrange a mortgage holiday for 3 months so I'm hoping this will sort the overdraft out. Have cancelled all the direct debits for the card payments and other non-essential stuff.

I'm not sure if this would work for you, but its worth a look:-

http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

My fear of you paying off the overdraft is the temptation to build it back up again when things are still very tight. Whereas, if you paid off a card(s) it would be done n dusted.

Good luck with the in-laws today

InaPickle

enabler wrote: »

Thanks for the responses - I'm really overwhelmed by the help I've had from most of you.

Well, the deed is done -she told her Mum...I knew she would and no doubt my father in law is now aware of the situation. Going to be an interesting sunday lunch today then.

Still, I've managed to arrange a mortgage holiday for 3 months so I'm hoping this will sort the overdraft out. Have cancelled all the direct debits for the card payments and other non-essential stuff.

I don't know what you have decided to do (if anything yet), but just be aware that you are under NO obligation whatsoever to take any help offered to you unless YOU want to take it, even if all you say is 'Thanks, we'll think about it, but we are weighing up all out options at the minute' and leave it at that in order to get some breathing space and think about it a bit more before taking definite action one way or another.

tyllwyd

enabler wrote: »

I hear what you are saying and I am aware that it is a huge mortgage and a huge drain. But being in neg equity I'm not sure what we can do about it at the moment? I may get the house valued to get a better idea. The other thought is whether we could rent it out but not sure the rental would cover a repayment mortgage.

Yes, I take your point that being in negative equity is a big problem, and of course moving costs money as well. I suppose what I am saying is that if it was me I'd want to have a plan - maybe put it on the market at the price you need and see whether someone does come along, or keep watching the market and make a decision to make a move when things look more hopeful, or look into the figures for renting it out. It worries me that if you go into a DMP and your credit score tumbles, if you have problems remortgaging your mortgage payment could go sky high. Is the deal you are on OK for a good few years?

CostCutter

enabler wrote: »

I hear what you are saying and I am aware that it is a huge mortgage and a huge drain. But being in neg equity I'm not sure what we can do about it at the moment? I may get the house valued to get a better idea. The other thought is whether we could rent it out but not sure the rental would cover a repayment mortgage.

Hi Enabler,

Have you thought about renting out a room? I know someone who was struggling to keep on top of things with their finances and as they have a big house they started renting a room to a student, it took a little while to find someone they were happy with, but in the end they found a lovely quiet girl who keeps herself to herself and didn't really want to live in student accommodation. Now in return for a few meals cooked for her she does a bit of babysitting here and there for their child. I know it might not be the ideal sittuation but it might be a way of getting a bit extra a month for a while? If you live near a hospital / uni you might be lucky and find someone quiet who doesn't want to live in the accommodation they are in!

We also my brother live with us for a while and while it wasn't the best sittuation it was nice having an extra £300 a month that he gave us.

Hope you start to see some light at the end of the tunnel

CC