1st baby on the way and MIL's smoking

Crab

kegg wrote: »

I cant really see the problem as long as mil respects your wishes and doesn't smoke around the baby or in your home.
You cant really expect her to have a complete change of clothes and full scrub down before entering, well you could ask but i personally feel that would be going too far.

What you going to do when you take the baby outside? as apart from any stay smokers you might pass the world is full of traffic fumes and the average pram is the same sort of height as all those nasty exhaust fumes.

She's already stated she's getting a pram that is higher up than average.

No, you can't avoid everything, but as a parent, you can want to do your best, and avoid it where possible. Third-hand smoke is a real issue, and I agree with the OP that MIL needs to change IF she wants to handle the baby and have a relationship with the new arrival.

nottslass_2

When I left Hospital after having DS the Medical advice was not to let anybody hold the Baby for at least 30 Min's after they'd had a cigarette !!!

kegg_2

Crab wrote: »

She's already stated she's getting a pram that is higher up than average.

No, you can't avoid everything, but as a parent, you can want to do your best, and avoid it where possible. Third-hand smoke is a real issue, and I agree with the OP that MIL needs to change IF she wants to handle the baby and have a relationship with the new arrival.

Smoke rises so even if she carried the baby over her head it would still be exposed to car fumes.
As to the rest it is her baby so her choice but i dont have to agree.
And who knows after 8 weeks of sleepless nights with a colicky baby the op might be prepared to find a workable middle ground:D

Gemsgalore

Curious_George wrote: »

just thought - we also have to wash any presents that come from him or any of OHs family as you can smell the smoke on them too,

i did mention that to dad once though, i asked if he wanted to keep this gorgeous bear he bought DS at our house as it would really pick up the smell of smoke round his... he sheepishly asked if we could smell it on other gifts and i told him him the truth... he seemed a little miffed but the problem is now sorted.

when OHs family send a parcel for birthdays / christmas etc you can smell its from them before you even open it properly, all clothes have to go in the wash straight away as they reek!

I bet you didn't wash gifts you gave to people while you smoked?

Ex smokers are always the worst complainers George

RachelW1987

I understand that its your baby and you dont smoke etc but my Mam smoked all through her pregnancy with me and everything was fine, i'm fine although I do smoke now.

I would just politely ask her not to smoke before she handles your baby as you don't want her to be around smoke

HappyMJ

RachelW1987 wrote: »

I understand that its your baby and you dont smoke etc but my Mam smoked all through her pregnancy with me and everything was fine, i'm fine although I do smoke now.

What a strange argument to add to the debate....

babelfish

Curious_George wrote: »

putting the health issue aside for a moment (and the frankly ridiculous handkerchief experiment claims)

i think its the smell that most people object too... babies are tiny, clean, gorgeous smelling things and smoking is seen as dirty and disgusting and wether you like it or not it does leave a lingering smell

I agree. Even if you ignore any possible health issues I personally wouldn't want a smoker going anywhere near my baby. I have dabbled in smoking myself although I have never really taken it up as a hobby!

My dear MIL, sadly no longer with us, used to smoke like a chimney. Whenever we visited her I used to take all our coats off in the hall and not enter her lounge with them on because this is where she was smoking. Every single item we wore had to be washed after each visit and it even got in our hair. It was disgusting! I never, ever said anything because she was entitled to do what she liked in her own house! However, she didn't hold my babies after smoking and never smoked near them either.

She had a neighbour who kindly knitted me some cardigans when I was expecting and she also smoked like a chimney. Every cardigan I got from her had to be washed and hung outside for a good blow (washing on its own didn't do it!). How she could think that a cardigan smelling like that would be ideal for a baby I don't know!

I think you should stick to your guns and tell your mother-in-law in as nice a way as possible how worried you are about health and that the professionals at the hospital have also advised you to keep your baby away from someone who has just had a ciggy.

RachelW1987

HappyMJ wrote: »

What a strange argument to add to the debate....

Im just saying that no harm was done to me and my Mam smoked.

I mustn't have worded it correctly

Apricot

My friend has a little girl and she smokes. She gave up whilst she was pregnant as it made her feel ill but as soon as she had given birth (her words), she was dying for a cigarette. She used to keep her husbands old fleece in the shed and put that on when she went out for a cigarette. When she came back inside she would clean her teeth, mouthwash, disinfect her hands and neck and obviously remove the fleece - little bit extreme if you ask me BUT she didn't want her child to smell of smoke or experience third hand smoking. She still does it now, her and her daughter are disinfected countless times throughout the day.

Strangely, said child now has athsma and gets every bug going aged 4.....

jellyhead

she disinfects her daughter?

I've heard that too much cleaning and not enough exposure to bugs might be a factor in the rise in eczema, asthma etc.

My cousin has 3 children and has smoked throughout. All 3 are too small, but that can be explained by a family trait, and the boys are having growth injections. The eldest and youngest child have severe asthma and spend lots of time in hospital, eldest also has the worst eczema I've seen. He spent his childhood wet-wrapped up and on nebulisers for his asthma, always in hospital. Youngest's asthma is bad too.

Her middle child is perfectly healthy so she firmly believes that her smoking had no effect on the boys, because otherwise her girl would also have terrible asthma.

The girl was the only one who would breastfeed, so she believes that breastfeeding can prevent asthma but she will not believe that smoking has any effect on her children whatsoever, because of the one child who is healthy.