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angelicmary85

Crab wrote: »

What made you assume I'd assumed anything!? They've made it very clear they'd be over the moon when my husband and I had a baby, and would definitely want lots of involvement - as much as we'd let them/other responsibilites permit. They already have grandchildren, and utterly dote on them, and would have them as much as the parents allowed! It's usually the parents that say to granny: can we have our children back, please!!! MIL is the kind of lady that would get as much out of having her grandchildren around as we would having the break, probably more.
Same goes for my mum, though this will be her first grandchild, but she has been saying for YEARS that she wants to be a hands-on granny!

And I never said it would be at the drop of a hat - it would be by prior arrangement, and only at the drop of a hat in an absolute emergency. Hubby and I are homebodies though, and don't tend to go out partying much anymore, so I think the babysitting option would mostly apply when we need a few extra hours sleep or something!

Likewise, having them closer would be easier for when we need to help them out too. Works both ways.

Thank you for your explanation, I apologise if I seemed to be judging you or having a pop! It sounded (to me) that you couldn't wait to get rid of bubba when you said that they will be great for babysitting!!

I must have been brought up so differently from the rest of the world...no matter how tired I was and in need of a couple of hours of peace and quiet, it would have been un-heard of to ask someone to babysit so I could sleep.

When my 2nd came along, my 1st was only 17months old and I was awake what felt like 28hours a day and my youngest had feeding probs when he was newborn so I had to feed him 1oz of milk every hour which took him half an hour to drink so I was feeding him all day. I was exhusted climbing into bed at night and still wouldn't have asked for help to look after them bacause, as far as I'm concerned, if you bring children into the world then you should look after them yourself...but then, I have been brought up in the dark ages!!

Now, I wouldn't leave them with anyone as they've always been with me and I wouldn't be comfortable leaving them with anyone else except their daddy...god help me when they go to school.

jcr16

i'd love it. i get on fantastic with hubbys parents. they treat me just as their daughter. my mil and i are so alike it unreal.

we are actually looking for a pair of semi's or a house big enough to be split so we can all be together. it something we've all wanted for a while but still not found the right place. and amazingly we all want the same thing as well. so it is wonderful.

candygirl

My DD moved in 14 doors from me;)She is in a cul de sac though so we can't spy on each other:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

diddyangel

I hate my inlaws with a passion, partner is not too keen either but we put the brave face on cos you have too!! They would NEVER move into the street but I can guaranteee that if they did I'd be out of there like a shot. We get on fine with my parents, but I would also move out if they moved in - there definately IS such a thing as being too close!!!! My mum would never even consier doing it!!

Although when we moved into our current house our next door neighbours backed on tho the girls parents house... they removed a fence panel to allow them to acces each others homes easily :eek: When the builders showed us round and explained why the panel was missing even they were :rotfl: They have since moved out - and moved in together with the new grandson :eek:

Any

I think it depends on the people.
My IL like their own space as much as we do and I know my MIL wouldn't pop in whenever she felt like it.

It would prove handy too.

Primrose

It would only work if everybody had a clear idea of boundaries. Certainly not having a key and just deciding to pop into the other's house whenever it suited without checking first whether it was convenient. Personally I would hate the thought that our every movement was being checked upon, even innocently, whenever somebody could look out of the window. I once heard of a case where a young married couple moved into same street as in-laws who were devoutly religious. Young wife wasn't and was devasted one day to find that while she'd been out at work, m-i-l who was wondering why she was having to wait to become a grandmother, had gone into their house, rummaged around in their bedroom and discovered their contraception. Not only had she done that, she'd then had the nerve to accuse them of going against the wishes of her church. There was no love lost between them after that.

tandraig

establish the ground rules, dont give them a key, and welcome them with open arms.
I live about 5 minutes walk from both my sons but a twenty minute drive from my daughter!
tbh - I have sometimes thought that i am too handy as they pop in and out and leave various grandkids for 'an hour'!
my daughter keeps letting me know about properties up for sale by her - she would love me to move in next door to her!
proximity is a two-edged sword hun, you have to weigh up the advantages (someone close who cares about you, will babysit, will see you through crisis) with disadvantages (they can hear your rows, may pop in at the wrong time, sees your comings and goings).
to me - its more pros than cons if you like each other - just as long as you arent in each others pockets.

kindofagilr

I was going to disagree about giving them a key but yeah dont give them a key.

My in laws have a key and they dont let themselves in NOW, but they did once, they popped round for something when we were both at work, and lets say the kitchen was a little bit messy, we had just moved on practically and were still trying to get into some kind of routine with the housework etc

And his mother had the cheek to call him up and have a go at him for 10 minutes about the mess in the kitchen.

So when he picked me up from work and told me about the phone call etc I went totally livid, I mean it, I kicked off, how dare she come into MY house and comment on the mess in MY kitchen, there are plenty of things I could say about her house but I dont

So OH rang his mother back once we got home from work and let rip, you might think someone's house is a mess but you DONT ever say it!

So since then they havent let themselves in but they have the key still jsut incase, which is fine, cos we have one just incase we need to get into theirs

I on the other hand am DYING for my mam to move closer to me (I am hoping she wont be round all the time, although my mam still works and will be for the next 10 years whereas ILs are retired) so mam cant be around all the time

She has had some interest in the house she is selling and I am now getting excited about her moving closer to me (I dont know anyone here apart from Ils) it will be nice having mam here.

Crab

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Thank you for your explanation, I apologise if I seemed to be judging you or having a pop! It sounded (to me) that you couldn't wait to get rid of bubba when you said that they will be great for babysitting!!

I must have been brought up so differently from the rest of the world...no matter how tired I was and in need of a couple of hours of peace and quiet, it would have been un-heard of to ask someone to babysit so I could sleep.

When my 2nd came along, my 1st was only 17months old and I was awake what felt like 28hours a day and my youngest had feeding probs when he was newborn so I had to feed him 1oz of milk every hour which took him half an hour to drink so I was feeding him all day. I was exhusted climbing into bed at night and still wouldn't have asked for help to look after them bacause, as far as I'm concerned, if you bring children into the world then you should look after them yourself...but then, I have been brought up in the dark ages!!

Now, I wouldn't leave them with anyone as they've always been with me and I wouldn't be comfortable leaving them with anyone else except their daddy...god help me when they go to school.

No worries. Things can easily get misinterpreted on here, especially when you don't know people. Well, it's hard for me to say, seeing as we don't have children quite yet (seven months to go!), but I don't think we'd be the type wanting to offload our children regularly - but I do want that family environment for them, and for them to have really good relationships with their grandparents. My own mother's mother died before I was born, so she had no support there, and my father's mother just wasn't very involved with us, so we missed out on grandparents. I know my mother very much wants my children to have a close relationship with her, as she feels we missed out when we were little, not having grandparents. I think having a supportive family would be wonderful.

I do get what you are saying, about it being your responsibility, but I also think, that if the help is offered, and you are happy with the people offering it, it would be nice to accept help and give yourself a little break now and then. Me, I can't imagine being happy with most people helping, but I trust my own mother, and I trust my Parents-in-law too. Oh, and our siblings. But I won't be handing my child over to childminders or nannies or babysitters.

Hope your little ones are doing great, and your firstborn is feeding well now.

angelicmary85

Crab wrote: »

Hope your little ones are doing great, and your firstborn is feeding well now.

They are both doing well thank you, my youngest has Down's and wasn't really accepted into the family for a while so I guess I'd be a bit funny about anyone suddenly wanting to be be involved in his upbringing

I try to keep them in a routine and my Mother looked after DD (for 15mins before it was her bedtime) when I was in labour when DS. In that 15mins she managed to fill her to the eyeballs with 'e-numbers' and un-done 17months worth of work so on top of coping with the news of DS' Down's I had a hyper toddler on my hands that was all out of routine for at least 3 days afterwards because she didn't get to her bed in time just one night!