Coping with peoples scorn

ubamother

I think we have to be a wee bit careful and make sure this thread remains thoughtful and doesn't degenerate into 'us' pouring scorn on 'them' which is exactly what the thread complains about just vice versa. Maybe if some of those mega-consumers read this thread they would feel we are pouring scorn on them, so they defensively pour scorn on us and so on goes the unmerry-go-round.

voiceofreason

Personally, I tend to respond with some kind of salty retort I know my dear old Mum certainly wouldn't be too chuffed to hear me repeat - but then, I'm a fairly belligerent sort at the best of times, and normally feel that my business is my own.

I'd never dream, for example, of calling someone* a mug for buying a place they couldn't really afford on the basis of some breezy "ah, well, it'll be alright cos prices can't go down, can they?" half-idea with a 110% mortgage at the end of 2007 - that's entirely their own choice, them being a responsible adult and all - so if they then give me some stick for living within my means, being patient and sensible and actually thinking, instead of buying things as a sort of involuntary consumption-spasm - well they can ### off and mind their own ### business.

And I'll happily tell them that**

*not a dig at anyone here - genuine example of one of my friends, this....
**this might not work for everyone - as always, exercise caution and common-sense on this one, MoneySavers!

knithryn

Being OS is inherently creative, whether with food, crafts, DIY etc. For me, it gives me a creative outlet which I don't get in my work.
I mean what's not to love about a homemade cake, an embroidered T shirt, a meal made from odds and ends...
Luckily my work colleagues are rarely aware of my OS tendencies, though when I commented to someone about their beautiful skirt, she told me it came from a charity shop, so we had a general natter about chairty shops.
So perhaps you could mention the creativity of it, the 'nurturing your family', the health aspects of fresh veg etc, stress relief from having absorbing hobbies (like jam making), the fitness you get from gardening. There are sooooo many positives apart from the money saving (which is all that most people see when they don't understand).

OrkneyStar

My best reply, when someone makes a comment about my lifestyle, or even when we politely disagree is that it takes all sorts! For example I am frugal when buying clothes, will pay more for good new shoes, but happily buy second hand clothes (can get many bargains in some charity shops) or even George/FF/Primark etc. The thing is, if people did not buy too many clothes/never wear them/could not be bothered to return badly fitting ones etc then where would all my lovely charity finds come from ?
Or if everyone wanted whoopsies, there would not be enough to go round.
I have always been frugal, lived under my means (quite difficult just now with one low income, a few tax credits, and three of us, compared to when I was earning a decent wage and there was only 2 of us!), but I don't think I am a better person than someone who struggles with money/budgetting etc.

Minihauk

You shouldn't have to justify to anyone, BUT I tell people that I want a simpler way of life. My parents lived hand to mouth, wages were paid weekly and they had 8 children to feed and clothe, not easy for them. It taught me the basics of OS, and although I may slip off the wagon for a while I actually prefer the way I live life. The difference between want and need is hard for some people to grasp. I wish my DS would have his LBM - it worries me that he still lives above his means and doesn't "get" my OS ways.

dazzle21

I regularly get mocked by my work mates for being OS, after one of them asked where i got my coat and i said 'oh 50p on the sale rail at the charity shop..' What they don't know, is i have lived the 'other side' been out and spent £££££'s on clothes for a weekend away, spent sickening amounts on food/drink and was I happy?? No! I racked up loads of debt, and almost lost everything including my career. At first the comments from them were hurtful, but now i realise, they are mainly comments of envy, they struggle to buy the 'in' things and i seem to always have something "new" or exciting. As long as you are happy then that is all that matters. I like my way, and not sure i could go back to spending a fortune even if a was a millionaire, it just seems so..wasteful?

lilian1977

Just wanted to add - I found this thread by searching for a recipe for Millionaire Shortbread but the word millionaire found this!

Anyway. I've found in the past that people can be quite hurtful - unintentionally - with their comments, but I've come to realise that it's mainly amazement and jealousy, "bet you paid for that with a voucher", "how on earth do you find out about these offers" etc. However, they all ask me for food vouchers now and a lot of them enjoyed my MSE wedding a few months ago!

I'm able to have great days/evenings out because of my MSE ways - the best was a few glasses of wine, a delicious pizza and a Blur gig - £3.47! I did this by using the free drink vouchers that Pitcher & Piano and Revolution send out from time to time, a 2 for 1 pizza (drinking water while I was there) and working somewhere where I'm offered free tickets from time to time. I realise that I'm lucky to have these opportunities and take full advantage of them. However, I'm also able to buy wonderful Xmas/Birthday presents for people because of glitches and the Boots Xmas sale and bring in home made treats for people when I can. It's these little touches that I think stop people thinking of you as "tight".

You shouldn't have to explain yourself. Just laugh it off and then revel in your MSE ways!

Trinny

Hi There

Thanks Op for a great thread. We are seen as the Tom and Barbara Goode in our family. This is because we are keen recyclers - this means freecycle, charity shop for items that can be reused, as well as reuse reduce and recycle. My OH makes HM wine and beer, and i try to make most things HM.

Our house is much loved, but currently stuck in the era of George and Mildred, as we couldnt afford a modernised version.

Brother in law drops the odd snide comment - but it tends to be directed at our lifestyle and not anything to do with hoarding or mean-ness. Brother's family are houseproud and dont get that we are saving for stuff like replacing heating and wiring, when Brothers family would spend big on credit cards and have instant perfect home (with a lot of debt). brother in law is hopeless with money, but lives on takeaway food, Sister would rather die than be seen in a charity shop.

There's no malice. Folks who are not OS just dont get it. My brother cant understand the idea of saving to get the heating done, and meantime putting on an extra fleece. He is also scornful of any wine that doesnt cost a tenner a bottle.

IMHO - my life choices make me happy - it means i can be generous with others, and if folk think mean thoughts - they certainly dont say anything.

each to their own really - but if times get tougher - i know there are members of my family with big credit card bills, who will need to tighten the belt

Trin

LilacLouisa

carefullycautious wrote: »

How do people cope with others who do not 'get' money saving, frugality etc.

I have lived with many comments ranging from;

You cant take 'it' with you
Cant stand tight people
Bizarre for living the way I do
etc etc etc

It seems an uphill battle to explain to others why I would rather live within my means and be financially comfortable than do all the keeping up with the jones.

I feel that I am blessed with all that I need, can take holidays in this country when I like, run a car which is paid for, go to the theatre etc

I just dont understand what other people think I am missing out on

I think My problem is that I dont know what answer to give when people question my lifestyle and anyway why should I have to explain myself.

How do all you peeps get on

Just smile (that usually puzzles people) "and say sweetly I am not tight, I am saving my money, my planet and my peace of mind, once lost they can be very difficult to get back". Keep on doing what makes you happy,( as long as it is not immoral or illegal)

BitterAndTwisted

You can't take "it" with you? No, and you can't spend "it" if you haven't got "it" either.

Some of my friends have become openly envious of my bargain-hunting and a couple of my quite well-off ones have asked me to get them things when I'm putting in an order with Approved Foods so perhaps some of them are starting to understand where I'm coming from.

I have NO SHAME where buying clothes cheaply from charity shops or ebay are concerned even though some of my ex-workmates were openly derogatory about it. But then I considered myself to be much better dressed than they were as I generally only buy items I couldn't afford new.