Coping with peoples scorn

coraline_2

I find that quite often people struggle to cope with OS lifestyle choices because they simply can't imagine an alternative to the lifestyle they are constantly bombarded with images of, through advertising, celebrity culture, peer pressures, etc, mainly because conforming to or attaining these attributes is for many people their only (taught) definition of success! So often the idea of moving away from these ambitions means re-defining yourself and your life in a whole different light, and perhaps one you perhaps might not, at least initially, reflect too well in - its much easier to bury your head and reassure yourself that you are successful or attractive because you own this and that, etc - we are all guilty of it sometimes! So perhaps, fear of failure and a lack of self-confidence comes into it for a lot of people, and a slightly aggressive or snide response is their best defence. Hope that made sense!

EC12345

I agree with everyone. Me and my husband both have really good jobs and are very very careful with our money. We have no children either and people are always saying to us "oh my god, why do you always stay in, you should be out all the time"... etc etc. I personally like staying in on a Friday and Saturday night and lazing on the sofa having tea (okay, wine then!!)

The truth is we would rather save our money. I try and stick to a grocery budget (doesn't always work though) and when we have emergencies in our house (i.e leaks, breakdowns, you name it because it's happened) we always have the money to pay. We have no debts at all and are never overdrawn - but that is because we prefer to be careful and we work hard at being careful. Sometimes we do go without but we are never tight - we spoil our niece rotten!!!

I suppose it's just down to each person.

Linda32

EC12345 wrote: »

I agree with everyone. Me and my husband both have really good jobs and are very very careful with our money. We have no children either and people are always saying to us "oh my god, why do you always stay in, you should be out all the time"... etc etc. I personally like staying in on a Friday and Saturday night and lazing on the sofa having tea (okay, wine then!!)

Oh I get that all the time, I get told that we are "stuck in a rut and ought to get out more", I can't stand tea either

EC12345

Linda32 wrote: »

Oh I get that all the time, I get told that we are "stuck in a rut and ought to get out more", I can't stand tea either

HAHAHAHA although I know exactly what you mean and to be honest I quite like being "stuck in a rut".

I know one couple who are in the same position as me and my husband who are terribly in debt - but they go out for dinner about three times a week - and eat in quite nice places as well - I mean how much does that cost a week/month - I personally would rather cook a nice meal at home.

Linda32

EC12345 wrote: »

HAHAHAHA although I know exactly what you mean and to be honest I quite like being "stuck in a rut".

I know one couple who are in the same position as me and my husband who are terribly in debt - but they go out for dinner about three times a week - and eat in quite nice places as well - I mean how much does that cost a week/month - I personally would rather cook a nice meal at home.

Whoops, no voice tone in typing, thats what I meant, I enjoy it too, its just how other people "think they see it".

OH and I love being at home, for instance we used to go to the pub every Friday and have a couple of drinks, we havn't been since they turned the clocks back, due to it being dark and cold and much more cozy in home. Wine is cheaper as well.

kayjay1809

I don't have any 'it' to take with me :rotfl:

My friend told me that 'everyone lives outside their means' - we certainly have and am trying each month to live within them and it's hard work. My friend remortgaged just before the interest rates went down at a fixed high rate and is currently paying £1400 a month (ours is a similar sized mortgage but we are paying half that now). She seems to think she can continue remortgaging to pay off debt indefinitely and my other friend last remortgaged to pay off £60,000 on her credit card and is currently trying to sell their house to pay off again and remortgage. I don't say anything I just plod along in my own way and leave them to theirs. In five years time I'm hoping we will be in a better position than we are and sadly I think they will be in a worse one...

Allegra

kayjay1809 wrote: »

My friend told me that 'everyone lives outside their means'

Interesting point of view. I guess what they really meant is - "I don't know how to keep up with the Joneses if I live within my means, ergo I must live outside them - and so must everyone else, 'specially the Joneses." Or something along those lines, anyway.

I have always lived within my means. Just within, granted - so whilst that meant uber-frugality when needed, it also meant little or no frugality when not needed. It was only very recently, and thanks largely to MSE, that I have finally grasped the concept of living below our means - and what this could mean to us. Without blathering on too much, the goals of financial independence and kids that don't have to choose between missing out n education and starting their adult lives 20K+ if they want are worth any amount of tightwaddery, in my humble whatsit.

Loving the Dickens quote, Grebe. Says it all, doesn't it ?

Farway

carefullycautious wrote: »

How do people cope with others who do not 'get' money saving, frugality etc.

I have lived with many comments ranging from;

You cant take 'it' with you
Cant stand tight people
Bizarre for living the way I do
etc etc etc

It seems an uphill battle to explain to others why I would rather live within my means and be financially comfortable than do all the keeping up with the jones.

I feel that I am blessed with all that I need, can take holidays in this country when I like, run a car which is paid for, go to the theatre etc

I just dont understand what other people think I am missing out on

I think My problem is that I dont know what answer to give when people question my lifestyle and anyway why should I have to explain myself.

How do all you peeps get on

I used to get this sort of thing at work, why drive that old Cortina etc

Then when I had paid off my mortgage early & retired years early they all wondered how I managed it. he who has last laugh etc

Just be comfortable in living your life as you want & not as others think you should

debtdesperado

I am really bored of saying to people that I haven't got any money to go out, and I'm sure they are bored of hearing it, but that is my own fault as I ran up loads of debt... hopefully by the end of the year I will largely be debt free. No pain, no gain! In the meantime, OS is really, really useful. I don't do everything, but it gives me so many ideas that makes my money stretch so much further whilst I'm plugging away paying off my debts. It's also helped teach me that generally, with a tiny bit of thought and forward planning I often don't need to spend what I thought I did.

And (whisper) it's actually more fun and more pleasurable to do OS than when I was running up the debt!

EC12345

Linda32 wrote: »

Whoops, no voice tone in typing, thats what I meant, I enjoy it too, its just how other people "think they see it".

OH and I love being at home, for instance we used to go to the pub every Friday and have a couple of drinks, we havn't been since they turned the clocks back, due to it being dark and cold and much more cozy in home. Wine is cheaper as well.

Linda, I knew you didn't mean anything by the tone - I feel exactly the same as you. Absolutely when you say how othe people "think they see it".

Last year me and hubby went out a total of (apart from holidays) .... wait for it .... two times. I can remember them well - one to a retirement part, the other to a birthday party.

This year, we haven't been out at all.

Wine is definately cheaper when you drink it at home - may go and have a glass now - would be rude not too - especially since it keeps getting mentioned ... :rotfl: