Coping with peoples scorn

Primrose

I have some relatives who are always quite sarcastic about my passion for buying many of my clothes in charity shops so I just smile sweetly to myself and turn a deaf ear when I listen to their complaints about them being short of money when they have a holiday abroad every year. . We all have a choice about the way we dispose of our income but you can't spend it twice - either it leaves your wallet for ever being spent on disposable goods, or some of it goes into savings to protect you against hard times. Your choice. My choice! Just don't whinge if you change your car regularly, buy fashionable clothes and have aholiday abroad every year, and then can't pay your mortgage if you're made redundant. Our value systems are all different. We have a perfect right to live the way we choose and our way happens to be less selfish and more environmentally friendly. We don't have to justify our choice to others.

millionaire_in_training

My friends have caught onto some of my ways. A couple are now like me and cook most foods from scratch. I am trying to tell them about cooking double and freezing half. I say to them it is like having a frozen dinner but it's all good home made food. I do this all the time and they are really easy dinners to reheat. My friend who doesn't cook has 2 kids and a husband who adore my home baking. She buys the odd packet mix and then says she has baked lol. Her hubby has now started making some things as I am trying to convert him. No-one ever makes nasty comments re my frugal ways. An odd time they will say are you sure you can't do it? but never in a malicious way. I have also had a couple of friends pay for nights out etc for me as they know I struggle a bit. I just wouldn't consider them friends if they were nasty or sarcastic about my lifestyle. Ignore the comments or just laugh at their ignorance.

jollymummy

I always say we're the poorest we've been but we're also the happiest we've ever been and it's really true.

tabskitten

I totally and utterly get this one!!

It is so hard to make people understand that I actaully get a kick out of bargain hunting, saving and a good deal.

And i could be a millionaire and i would still hunt for clothes in TK maxx and forage amongst the reduced for quick sale section in the supermarket because it is like a game to me!!!

vickiv55

I cant say I've had any overly negative comments. I boasted (hehe) on facebook the other day about my frugal cooking with mince! lol and all i got back was people saying how fab that was and could they have the recipes! I directed them to here.
On a vaguely negative note, my mum gets completely bamboozled by my money saving ventures, and does not get the idea of quidco/topcashback. To quote" but why would they give you money for buying things" ?!?! I swear her eyes glaze over when I tell her about the latest grabbit I've found, or when I used to go shopping with my coupons.... But she was more than happy for me to do the majority of her xmas shopping for her, and over the moon when I just booked her the bargain Bluestones break away......
Fickle wee woman that she is! Lol

maman

I rarely get into conversation about my OS ways but when it crops up I always say I like to choose what I spend my hard-earned on (holidays etc) and not be ripped off. I listen to friends wittering on about shopping in Waitrose and just feel smug that I've got far more disposable income than them plus we eat very well indeed on my OS shopping from Asda, Farmstores and Lidl!

jexygirl

hey all
Ok, for some, finding this site was a lifeline, for others a warning, for others, a way of "better living". I am not ashamed AT ALL nor do I apologise. I am proud, and grateful to MSE and all the fantastic people that offer advice and support and make up this forum.
You post something, and usually within minutes someone helps. Is it being "tight" no, is it being "penny pinching" no.. its about living within your means and using what you have,it almost brings a spirit of community through necesscity and I have learned SO much. I would not "defend" myself (tho part of me would be tempted to look at them and sweetly say "when you see the light, let me know, I can direct you to a great website!"
I am not ashamed of anything I do. I have always shopped in charity shops, looked for the bargains, only because I saw no reason in paying over the odds... who is the stupid one, the one who watches the pennies and gets to sleep at night, or the one who spends what they dont have?
If your friends speak to you that way, then 1) they have no clue and are likely to see the light eventually, maybe even apologise and ask for advice, 2) they see that you are where they wish they could be, or 3) they shouldnt be people you call friends.
Never be afraid of who you are, your principles and what you stand for, even if it isn't what "the norm" is. And above all, only regret what you did do, never what you didnt...
Dont let these people belittle what a great job you are doing.. just smile at them sweetly and above all "knowingly" you know they will see the light some day, and you will be there looking down on them
Jex

purpleivy

Wellll, I wouldn't take any notice of your 'friends'. We have a good income between us. I don't work full time, but I do spend quite a lot of my time at home creating great home cooked meals from scratch. People are kind of disbelieving when you say what you pay for groceries each month, but I figure I don't care what they think.

We still have a mortgage, which strictly speaking should have come to an end next year, but with having an endowment that isn't going to return enough to pay it off we'll still have a mortgage. I'm determined it's going to be as small as possible, or that we'll have money left for other nice things like home improvements, holidays and family time together.

We all have our reasons for being MSE, it's not for anyone else to comment.

ubamother

You may find, that at the back of the scorn, that actually your friends are secretly thinking you make them look bad - by bad I mean disorganised, over-consuming, un-green, stuck in the 80's yuppies - which is distinctly unfashionable these days! You have the 'moral high ground' in your lifestyle and that may make them feel a little uncomfortable. I am careful that, while I'm happy, confident and public in my frugal ways, I make sure I don't sound smug, judgemental or that I'm being terribly righteous when I'm discussing cooking, shopping with colleagues at work etc.

puss14

Pitlanepiglet wrote: »

I don't feel the need to justify myself either but TBH I don't get comments like that, certainly not to my face!

BUT I don't regard being Old Style or Thrifty as an excuse for being tight. I have a friend who is famously the first out the taxi and the last to the bar and I find that really irritating! I have other friends where we swap skills and produce and everyone is happy.

So if you are just thrifty and OS then continue what you are doing and be proud of it...if you think that on honest reflection it might be more than that then it's perhaps time for a rethink.

I agree with this. I had a friend in high school who would always try to get out of paying for anything and spent so much time at our house, staying overnight and staying for dinner probably at least 50% of the time. Yet i never was invited to her house to eat and I overheard her parents saying to my frined to go to my place to eat to save them some money:eek: I ended up easing back fromt he friendship as noone wants to feel used. I would never think of doing this to my friends and Ive actually had to reduce my socialising as i just cant afford it. There is def a difference between being tight and being OS and trying to live within your means.