MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Spencer trade in the engagement ring?

mary1

No, you cannot start a marriage with a lie. If the woman is materialistic surely it is a sign that this marriage is doomed before it begins. You love the person not the ring! Explain that it is the same design but by an unknown maker. Think of the carat, clarity of the diamonds which is more important than a name. Talk to your partner do not assume. It is the beginning of their marriage which is about sharing, trusting and loving each other not oh look at what I have.

newkitchenfund

Isn't it odd that even though women have financial independence (and quite a few earn considerably more than their partners) that men are still expected to fork out for a pricey engagement ring. The tradition arose as a sort of 'down payment' to assure the girl ( and her family) that his intentions were serious (since men would be unlikely to give an expensive ring if they didn't intend to marry her) and that he'd be able to support her in the style she was accustomed to !!! It is a bit of an anachronism these days. That said, after we decided to marry, my lovely fiance and I did choose a sweet antique ring together. Much nicer and somehow more personal than a new one - and importantly cheaper as we were skint. (or how about commissioning something unique from a local up and coming jewellery designer?)
Definitely dont start your life together with a lie, especially about this. Money arguments are the cause of most divorce cases!

Dawnio32

When I got engaged many moons ago, I was told by a few people that it's traditional for the man to spend a months wages on the engagement ring. Whether that's right or not I wouldn't have a clue but I was told, "You've got 200 quid, go find a ring and we'll go back and get it tomorrow!"

Needless to say we're now divorced!

As for spending £7K or even £4K on a ring I think to most folk is excessive. I think they should talk it over as I definitely don't think marriage should start on a lie. If he was to point out what they could use that money for instead (towards a deposit for their 1st home, honeymoon, opening a bank account for their 1st child, etc) maybe she'll have the sense to realise it's not the amount spent but the sentiment behind it?

I personally would rather have something a lot less expensive and use the money for setting up the rest of our lives together. My hubby to be and I have matching rings we picked together, silver bands engraved in Latin the phrase "Carpe Diem" which is very meaningful to us both, sent from USA, still cost less than £100 for them both. Wouldn't swap it for a £7K or even a £100K ring, it's perfect for us.

If she really wants the £7K ring, maybe he should think of what kind of message that's sending him for the rest of their lives together?

winkat

you cant start life together with a lie buy a cheeper ring £15-£400 max
money shouldnt be the issue when buying a ring nor should the make
my husband got me a £20 ring from argos (that was all we could afford back then)nearly 18 years ago it is the style of ring i liked and he maneged to get the right size to me it is the most valued peice of jewelry i own he has since offerd to buy a more expensive one (i said no)but to me the cost is not the issue its the fact that he spent the time buying me the most expensive ring he could afford and it was carefully chosen with love and attention to detail(size style)that to me is more valuable than is origonal cost
if any woman is just after a price tag designer style that is all she will ever be interested and will never be satisfied no matter hove many £££ are on your bank balance

SAL-GAL53

I think £7000 is way too much for a ring. Why have the worry of such a pricy item (if it got lost, stolen etc).
I'm not ashamed to admit we went to Argos for my ring and I was over the moon with my £500 3 stone ring - it's the best one I've ever had! We saved up and 10 months later married in Jamaica which was beautiful and had a small family party when we got home - we saved thousands by doing it that way and it suited us perfectly!

mikeywikey

What's he getting out of this? if the answer is "her" then is he buying her then? Relationships should be built on trust and mutual respect, not some archaic misogenisic ritual, would he expect a dowry? will she be obliged to love, honour and OBEY? stay at home and bring up the children? if an engagement token is to be given it should be a two way street, equal, mutual respect, this sort of thing has to stop.

mippy

becky_rtw wrote: »

God there are a lot of cheapskates on here! £100 for something you are going to wear your whole life! :eek:

I personally dont want a 7k ring, but I do have the 'one' dream ring - most women do (about 1.2k since you're no doubt wondering).!

I must be really weird as I have no idea what ring I'd want. Or what dress or wedding, come to think of it. I do have an idea about the groom

mippy

Xdash wrote: »

Gold-digger label obsessive vs starting out on lie, tough choice but i think the lie would win out, as how much is wedding going to cost, if the ring is that expensive will the guy's wedding ring be from the label place and as expensive with the lady paying, doubt it... so runner time

We don';t know she IS a gold-digger. Lots of people have a dream - think of this question as 'Heidi has always wanted a Ferrari, should Spencer buy a similar looking car and rebadge it?' It's hardly 'Get me brand X or we're not marrying'.

mippy

newkitchenfund wrote: »

Isn't it odd that even though women have financial independence (and quite a few earn considerably more than their partners) that men are still expected to fork out for a pricey engagement ring. The tradition arose as a sort of 'down payment' to assure the girl ( and her family) that his intentions were serious (since men would be unlikely to give an expensive ring if they didn't intend to marry her) and that he'd be able to support her in the style she was accustomed to !!! It is a bit of an anachronism these days. That said, after we decided to marry, my lovely fiance and I did choose a sweet antique ring together. Much nicer and somehow more personal than a new one - and importantly cheaper as we were skint. (or how about commissioning something unique from a local up and coming jewellery designer?)
Definitely dont start your life together with a lie, especially about this. Money arguments are the cause of most divorce cases!

Do men ever wear engagement rings? What happens if the woman proposes?

blue-bells_2

My friend was talking about marrying his long term girlfriend, but said he couldn't propose to her yet as he had to save for a ring- his girlfriend's sister had a ring that cost £5000 and his girlfriend had made it clear hers would have to cost at least that amount. She also wanted huge and expensive wedding.

I think it's a shame that people think like this. In my opinion, It should be about wanting to marry the person you love and make a commitment to each other, not about how much a ring or wedding costs