Some advice needed

Person_one

Stephb1986 wrote: »

You lot seem like a decent bunch of people but would any of you steal from your own kids?

Like this I bought my OH one of them money jars that counts the money as you put it in when we've come to cash in the money it said £132.54 or something like that it was £30 short how do you work that out. Stealing money is the lowest anyone can go in my book.

Unfortunately, not all parents are nice or decent people. Even to their own children.

Zazen999

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Both of them are on the mortgage could he not sign a deed of anulment and sign the mortgage over to his dad?

I'm not being funny, but really!!! Just like that!!!

Get him a magnifying glass so that he can read the smallprint.

Are you saying that he has a mortgage now on a house that is not in his name?

iamana1ias

Stephb1986 wrote: »

You lot seem like a decent bunch of people but would any of you steal from your own kids?

Like this I bought my OH one of them money jars that counts the money as you put it in when we've come to cash in the money it said £132.54 or something like that it was £30 short how do you work that out. Stealing money is the lowest anyone can go in my book.

I'd be more worried about your OH putting up with it/making excuses.

Person_one

Practical Valentine's day gift for your OH?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Legacy-Reclaiming/dp/0553814826/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265977326&sr=8-1

Errata

Steph - dad's name is on the deeds, dad and son have taken out a mortgage on the property. Dad and son are both responsible for the mortgage payments, and if dad can't pay then son must until the house is sold or son stops paying and the house is repossessed and sold, which may leave son still owing the mortgage company if the house is sold for less than what is owed on the mortgage.

It was a council house, and dad could have applied for HB to pay the rent, so there was no risk of him being evicted.

I think there is far too much you don't know / don't understand about all this and until you do I can't see how you can plan any kind of future with the son.

iamana1ias

Person_one wrote: »

Practical Valentine's day gift for your OH?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Legacy-Reclaiming/dp/0553814826/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265977326&sr=8-1

Ooh, harsh!!

I'm not convinced the OH is a victim. Obviously saw dollar signs when the opportunity of a house at right to buy prices arose. Thinks of the house as his and there doesn't seem to be a plan for what happens to dad when he gets booted out either.

My bet is he thinks he's rather clever at getting one over on the system when he's actually sunk himself into massive problems.

Person_one

iamana1ias wrote: »

Ooh, harsh!!

I'm not convinced the OH is a victim. Obviously saw dollar signs when the opportunity of a house at right to buy prices. Thinks of the house as his and there doesn't seem to be a plan for what happens to dad when he gets booted out either.

My bet is he thinks he's rather clever at getting one over on the system when he's actually sunk himself into massive problems.

Wasn't trying to be harsh, just helpful! Steph told us that the dad steals from his son, that's not a healthy parent child relationship and maybe the fact that his wife and daughter have sstepped back from him means that there is more backstory. I understand that the son is not blameless in the mess that has arisen, itr sounds like he completely failed to think through the possible consequences but if the dad owed his son thousands anyway that he likely wasn't about to pay back it seems harsh to accuse him of trying to take advantage.

Oldernotwiser

I still don't see where FIL is supposed to go even if it were possible for him to just sign the house over. He won't get another council property or be able to claim housing benefits as he'll have deprived himself of assets and he has very limited income from work. He can't live on thin air!

paddy's_mum

I don't think you're being unreasonable or nasty in all this. However, I do think that you are all thrashing around in a fog of naivety, blindness and denial.

What does your fiance see as the way out of this untenable situation? Does he even see that there's a disaster looming?

Where does the sister propose to put her father when he moves in with her and her children? Is her husband going to be happy having a selfish, messy person smoking up their home?

Does your fiance give you a reason why he willingly shackled himself to a man that he, above all others, knew was lazy, selfish and !!!!less?

I think that these problems may prove insurmountable but even if you manage to get a partial resolution, can your relationship survive the sheer resentment that must result?

Oldernotwiser

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Where does the sister propose to put her father when he moves in with her and her children?

Whilst I appreciate that the OP said "He has a daughter he can go and live with instead ", one really wonders whether this is just wishful thinking on her part!

I can't decide whether everyone involved in this is terribly naive or whether there is more to this situation than we (or the OP) is being told.