Some advice needed

Stephb1986_2

Hi Following on from another thread on here thought I would start my own so I don't take over the other persons

We have been together 3 years we got engaged on christmas day, I still live with my parents but my OH has his own house but his dad lives with him as he can't be trusted to pay the bills and look after himself. We are due to get married in 4 years my OH seems to think that I am just going to leave my parents home and live with him and his dad (this has been his family home for the last 26 years) so I can see why he doesn't want to give it up.

I don't want to move in as.....
1. It won't ever feel like my house
2. His dad lives there rent free doesn't pay anything why should I support his dad.
3. His mum won't come round as it is her ex's house (not that I really get on with her but still)
4. His dad has the bigger bedroom
5. It's 25 miles from where my parents live and where I work (I work from home and no I can't move it as it's an ironing service)
6. His sister and her kids will be coming round all the time unannounced (because she grew up in the house too)
7. He works nights so will be like passing ships

I just don't think it would work for me to move in there and be with his dad all the time he is noisy and selfish and messy

I'm so torn now.

My OH pays the mortgage so it is his house. There is a problem I am aware of that as it is an ex council house my OH got a discount as his parents had the house for so many years before but his dad's name is on the deeds or they wouldn't of got the discount. But when June 2011 comes his dad has said he will sign the deeds over to my OH this I've taken with a pinch of salt. My OH is far too soft so don't think he would kick him out.

We are only planning to marry in 4 years as we want to save up for a nice wedding I know you can do it cheap now but we both want a nice wedding so we're saving for that.

So the advice I need is how do I tell him that I won't move into that house.

Steph xx

soupface

Say, "Hey, something's been bothering me and I want to talk to you about it. Are you thinking that I'm going to move in with you when we get married? Because I've been thinking about it and I'm not sure I really want to." And so on...

VfM4meplse

Congratulations on your engagement. Have you thought about a compromise, staying over on the nights your OH is not working so you can see how it might work out?

It sound like you may be resentful of your OH's family. It's clear they are part of the package and will always be there. Do you really want to marry your OH?

frostyspice

Um, tell him what you've just written, reasons 1-7 ??!! Can't see why not!

Stephb1986_2

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Conratulations on your engagement. Have you thought about a compromise, staying over on the nights your OH is not working so you can see how it might work out?

It sound like you may be resentful of your OH's family. It's clear they are part of the package and will always be there. Do you really want to marry your OH?

I do stay over from Friday night and I come home on Sunday night when his dad isn't there it's great we can do what we want eat what we want ect.

I really do want to marry my OH he means the world to me and I love him to pieces. When we first got together he wasn't that bothered about seeing his mum or sister it's only since I've tried to make the relationship between them all better that he seems more interested. As for his dad we get on but it doesn't mean I want to live with him.

If the shoe was on the other foot and I had my mum live with me then I don't think I could expect him to move in with me and my mum.

I feel that my reasons might offend him or atleast cause an argument between us both.

Also the house isn't decorated at all no wall paper on the walls ect ect there is a massive hole in one side of the house where his dad thought it was a good idea to move the back door to and has never done it, it was like this before I met him. Neither of them seem interested in doing DIY either.

Steph xx

tandraig

I remember the last thread you mentioned steph.
your Oh is paying the mortgage on an ex council house which his dad used to rent. that is why he is treating it as his own house!
there may be a bit of a legal conflict here - the tenants of the house are supposed to be paying the mortgage dont you think?
saying that - the lady who has the house next to me - I know her son is paying the mortgage and its ex council in her name - there must be a legal process
I will leave it there

Stephb1986_2

I do have a strong feeling that his dad won't sign the deeds over though but there is not much I can say about that really. Obviously if he gets the message that I am not moving in there and we look at another house but his dad doesn't agree to sell I'm sure he would stop paying the mortgage or evict his dad. His dad is 49 years old you think at that age he would be able to look after himself!

Steph xx

iamana1ias

I wouldn't worry about it now. A lot can change in 4 years!

tandraig

the house is prob in your BFs fathers name - and why not? its his house!
can your BF prove he has been paying the mortgage?

Stephb1986_2

tandraig wrote: »

the house is prob in your BFs fathers name - and why not? its his house!
can your BF prove he has been paying the mortgage?

But its not his house he doesnt pay any of the bills at all. Yes he can prove he pays the mortgage as it's out of his bank account and his dad doesn't have a bank account because he is blacklisted because he is in that much debt. How could he seriously afford a mortgage if he doesn't work?

not_tonight_josephine_2

Stephb1986 wrote: »

But its not his house he doesnt pay any of the bills at all.

It is his house though, as it sounds like it's his name on the deeds? He could argue that your OH's contribution is rent I guess.

As others have said, 4 years is a long time so I'm sure you can sort something out, but I think it is something you need to talk about, as this could get really complicated and messy - what will your OH do if his Dad won't sign over the house? Where will his Dad live if he does sign it over then you sell up and buy a home for the 2 of you?