Some advice needed

RAS

You need to find out what your OH hoped to gain from this arrangment. tandraig mentions inheritance, but as father is 49, that could be way off.

Dad has to live somewhere and even if he was to sign over the house to OH, the rules make it well nigh impossible for him to rent unless he suddenly starts working and earning a good sum.

So you need to ask OH where he thinks dad will be living in 5/10/15/20 years. time

tandraig

usually where the kids are paying the mortgage under the right to buy council scheme - they inherit the property while ensuring parent has the right to live there. and this is prob where your OH comes in.... did he live there too?
he prob chose to pay the mortgage rather than be homeless - not realising that down the line he would meet his love and oh horror, she wouldnt want to live with him and dad! naive yes, stupid no. hun, he was young and looking to keep a roof over his head is my take on the situation. but situations change and i bet he hasnt a clue how to deal with this!
tbh - neither do I! i can quite understand you not wanting to move in and your OH not wanting to move out! you need to talk and if you can come to a compromise - can you afford a mortgage on a small place for you and OH? but its on condition that Dad sign the house over to his son after a certain amount of time?
you say about dad being only 49 and should be working etc, but hun, why should he get his act together? his son pays all the bills - dad can continue his lifestyle! is your OH helping him do you think? I dont think so - but getting OH to agree may be difficult!

Person_one

Is there a reason why your fiance's dad doesn't work? Is he ill, disabled, is he looking for work and can't find any?

Its not really usual for a young adult to be supporting a parent who isn't even 50 yet. Is he an alcoholic or a gambler?

I'm sorry if I'm being a bit nosey but I'm wondering about the dynamics of the father/son relationship.

Good luck for the talk tonight, I hope you can help your fiance to see things from your side a bit and to understand the pickle he's got himself into so you can start helping him out of it!

Savvy_Sue

Stephb1986 wrote: »

It's not 3 bedroomed either his dad knocked two rooms into one so its two bedroomed.

:eek: I do hope this was done properly and that no load bearing walls were knocked down in the process!

Money_maker

I have some sympathy for FIL2B. He has lived in this house for 26 years, it has been his sons home all his life. This thread is all about how to extract him from it - his home.

Methinks he would have been better off never getting involved with buying it. I wonder what a thread of his would say?

Is there anything he could do to make you like him or at least tolerate him a little? Could he be encouraged back to work somehow with a view to him taking over the entire mortgage at some stage freeing up your OH to buy his own property? How does he accumulate debt - is he buying stuff, gambling...?

Less time on his hands (such as a job) would mean he would probably spend less, smoke less, be more sociable and find outside interests. I also think there's other factors going on here.

Pollycat

Money_maker wrote: »

I have some sympathy for FIL2B. He has lived in this house for 26 years, it has been his sons home all his life. This thread is all about how to extract him from it - his home.

I don't think that statement is true.

There's been a lot of advice to the OP (who mistakenly believed that paying the mortgage meant that the son owned the house, not the father) about getting clarification of where her OH stands legally.

Steph actually said in her first post:

My OH pays the mortgage so it is his house

She now knows that this isn't the actual legal position.
I hope she now also realises the awkward financial position her OH is in.

I've posted on this thread a few times and have never suggested the OP or her OH 'extract' the FIL-to-be out of the house that he allegedly doesn't contribute to but is named on the deeds.
Neither have a lot of other posters.

Steph's stated problem was:

So the advice I need is how do I tell him that I won't move into that house.

and not:
"how do I extract my FIL-to-be from HIS house."

I hope Steph comes back and lets us know how the discussion with her OH went.

burnoutbabe

how can you have a mortgage on somewhere that you do not own?

else you are committing to pay £100k mortgage and never be able to get out of it (as no asset to sell)

there is no way that he can't have an ownership in the house, no mortgage company would let him have a mortgage like this?

Unless he actually has a LOAN for the property? just a fixed rate loan for 25 years.

a 2 bed place can be turned back into a 3 bed one quite easily.

the worse that can happen is that

1) you rent somewhere together
2) your OH has to pay £375 a month for the loan/mortgage until his dad dies.

which is no worse than say maintenance for an ex or kids that lots of couples have.

so just see the £375 as a monthly payment your OH has and doesn't impact your life together. And no need to chuck dad out of his house. Dad should change his will to benefit his son 100%.

and start looking for places to rent between the 2 of you.

Pollycat

burnoutbabe wrote: »

the worse that can happen is that

1) you rent somewhere together
2) your OH has to pay £375 a month for the loan/mortgage until his dad dies.

which is no worse than say maintenance for an ex or kids that lots of couples have.

so just see the £375 as a monthly payment your OH has and doesn't impact your life together. And no need to chuck dad out of his house. Dad should change his will to benefit his son 100%.

and start looking for places to rent between the 2 of you.

But it's NOT maintenance for an ex wfife or kids, is it?
So I don't see why the OP or her OH should pay it out for nothing - and surely paying out £375 per month WILL impact their life together.
It may have a financial impact and I'm sure it will eat at the OP and sour the relationship.

Unless you mean that the OP's OH still lives in the house and pays the mortgage (as he is doing now).
In that case, it is cheap accommodation for him as rent would probably cost him more than that.

But to say pay £375 each month for nothing and don't let it bother you, is (imho) a bit silly.

burnoutbabe

no, i am saying take the man as he is. As he may well have to pay out this money forever as he has somehow commited to a mortgage without actually owning the place. So basically a fixed rate loan for 25 years.

he may well NOT be able to sort it out. so you either accept he has this other commitment (same as you would with an ex wife or a man with kids or even a man with debts he is paying off like a car loan) or you don;t.

she doesn't really have any other option does she? dump him or accept he has this payment to make every month (which may or may not impact his ability to afford to rent elsewhere)

Stephb1986_2

Can I just say I'm not trying to force FIL2B out of the house I just don't want to move into it.

We had a talk last night and I told him the situation he is in I think he's took it on board and he's said we will have to look for somewhere to live as to what happens the the house I don't know yet. We will have to talk to his dad about it. I'm not saying his dad can't live with us in our new house but he would have to contribute to it. He is disabled but does work sometimes as and when he's up to it.

I'll update further later I'm just on my way out.