Got pregnant by a married bloke

shell_542

You will see I participated to offer advice.

I didn't post again until I read your comment. If you really believe what you wrote, wow. Nice.

missile

tabetha wrote: »

It has taken a lot for me to pluck up the courage to send this post - so please bear with me i need objective advice and try not to be subjective.

i had an affair with a married man and accidentally got pregnant, he was dead against me proceeding with the pregnancy but the other option which was to terminate was not an option for me, i dont believe in abortion. After much discussion and heated arguments he agreed to paying me a lump sum to help with preparing for the arrival of the baby - he got me so sign a child maintenance agreement in which we agreed it would be for 7 years but for those 7 years the lump sum only works out to just over £100 a month. He agreed to chip in when needed but there was no monthly figure agreed, he has occassionally helped out with financial stuff but its not all the time i get help and now i want a monthly contribution from him as i am finding difficult to survive considering i am single mum working full time and not paid that much - on the other hand he earns alot has an extremely good job and earns well in excess of £2000 a week. I stupidly agreed that i would never involve the CSA and was content with the lump sum he would pay me, and would endeavour to discuss things with him to reach an amicable solution. I was naive and as it was my first child did not realise it would be so difficult raising a child on my own, i thought it would be easy and financially i am struggling. I have asked him to pay me a monthly sum of £500 but he has refused saying he has other commitments and that i am ungrateful and greedy and considers that under the circumstances he has done better than other fathers (in terms of financial support) he does not provide any emotional support or involved in his childs life at all. according to the CSA calcutor i may be entitled to £240 a week coz of his income and i have tried to negotiate with him to give me at least half but it all got nasty and he has said some pretty hurtful things and i am feeling so wound up and i just want to involve the CSA but that would mean he pays me alot more that what i need and also his wife finding out and its the last thing i want to cause any heartache or upset his household bt i also feel we both brought this child into the world and we both need to be responsible but he says "its your child - look after your child and leave me out of it".

I just want some advice on whether i would be able to make a successful claim considering he gave me a lump sum of not more than £10k about 2 years ago. i am not looking to be sent on a guilt trip about having an affair, it was wrong i know but i am trying to make the best of abad situation, so anyone who wants to hurl abuse or be judgemental please save it - i have already had that from the people closest to me and i am not proud of what i did - i need you to be objective not subjective.

Thank you

I am not judging either you or the married man, we all done things which we regret. No way does it cost £500 per month to bring up a child, you are being very greedy.

Loopy_Girl

shell_542 wrote: »

I know right from wrong, even without having experience of it personally. Affairs are wrong, the only way an affair partner could possibly not be held even partly responsible is if they didn't know the other person was involved with someone else (which happens a lot).

Precisely *sigh*

Which is why I felt that the comments from the poster I quoted were wholly unacceptable....we don't know the circumstances so to say very personal things to the OP like that is uncalled for and an uneducated knee jerk reaction to situation.

gordikin

Why oh why do people have trouble reading what is typed and then reply with 'my mistake' for example and no hint of an apology?

Loopy_Girl

shell_542 wrote: »

I didn't post again until I read your comment. If you really believe what you wrote, wow. Nice.

Thankfully I don't need any kind of redemption from you on what kind of person I am *phew*

As I keep saying on here, I don't spill my guts about every little thing in my life past or present so I don't have to justify any opinion I give.

Maybe I think things about you but there's no point telling you is there - I don't know you and I don't know your circumstances so I would be passing judgement ill informed

shell_542

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Precisely *sigh*

Which is why I felt that the comments from the poster I quoted were wholly unacceptable....we don't know the circumstances so to say very personal things to the OP like that is uncalled for and an uneducated knee jerk reaction to situation.

A simple, you are out of order, would have sufficed. You added your own little nasty comment on the end.

jamespir

missile wrote: »

I am not judging either you or the married man, we all done things which we regret. No way does it cost £500 per month to bring up a child, you are being very greedy.

it depend s where she plans to buy the stuff from i suppose but yeh 500 quid a month is a bit extortianate

Loopy_Girl

Err okay....I'll start running every post past you before I submit them shall I?

Loopy_Girl

missile wrote: »

I am not judging either you or the married man, we all done things which we regret. No way does it cost £500 per month to bring up a child, you are being very greedy.

Greed is nothing to do with it. The CSA set the guidelines for a percentage of how much child support should be paid. The higher the wage, the higher the CS amount due.

For an NRP on 2K a week with no children in the marital home, then he would be expected to pay £300 PER WEEK

DaveLy

RedSky wrote: »

Then I presume you also believe the original poster should pay half any divorce settlement costs having equally been responsible for the break up of a marriage. If both people should take equal responsibility for their actions and pay the cost of supporting the innocent then there are two innocent parties to consider here, the child and the (ex) wife.

The guy cheated on his wife, and thus been lying to her. To be fair, the marriage is now a bit of a sham, and still would be regardless of the OP's knowledge of his marriage. If not with her, he'd have no doubt done it with someone else.