The problem with teenage girls...

moggylover

I also think that letting the 14 year old girl that was confided in try to talk to her friend first is the right way to go: IF the girl feels confident doing so, and with the assistance (which she has obviously sought) of advice from her own mum to be passed on!

Whilst the problem is much more common nowadays than it was in my own youth, we all faced problems (often very sensitive and potentially damaging) even in those days, including the one of possible pregnancies;). It is part of the growing up process to learn how to deal with them, and it sounds as if the OPs daughter is capable of being the much needed friend and confidant, at least for a little while, at the moment and despite all the longer term implications the lass who thinks she is pregnant needs to be able to cope and have it sink in properly before being forced into any action in whatever direction (which is often what happens when adults take-over a situation, or, at least, that is how it usually feels to teenagers:D).


ETA: Could you offer to get a pregnancy test kit if one has not been used and let your daughter take it in for her friend so that at least the reasons for the worries are confirmed?

Caroline73_2

You could the school nurse and tell her that another pupil has confided in your daughter. Express that you are worried about the burden on your daughter and want to know where to go from here. State that you do not want your daughter asked about who is pregnant, that is a different issue.

School nurses hear about pregnant girls in school that aren't pregnant all the time. this is far more common than you think (unfortunately).

fluffy*giraffe*

has anyone ever been in the position either the mother or the daughter?

well sadly i have.

me when i was a teen and one of my own in their teen years.

first job is a test , she will not want to speak to anyone as this will make the situation seem "real".

you could provide this for her if she came to tea or to do homework, anything that would not seem out of the ordinary to the mum!

your daughter could arrange this and not tell her you know, depending on the result she may want to tell an adult and if the mother wanted to know you could say you found the test in your bathroom

depending on the result she then has options.

a friends daughter wrote a note to her mum and left it on her pillow as she couldn't bring herself to say the words.

it all depends on if you want to get involved and to what extent, think carefully as to wheather you can be invoved in an abortion and keep it secret if she asks. lots of issues here to think about.

i would help anyone that needed it and not think twice but life seems to give you experiences and the strength to help others if need be.

best of luck xxx

ImBlonde

What do DD and DS stand for?

Thanks x

Marcheline

An adult should be told, I would personally want to know as a mother and would not be distressed by an anonymous tip off if it was true my DD was pregnant at that young age. She may think her parents will hit the roof, but they may support her to have the child. I know I wouldn't have wanted my parents to know at that age, but if they had of done, the baby would have been welcomed (once the initial shock subsided) Her parents are likely to be best able to deal with this information, they know their daughter better than any school nurse.

Person_one

I would arm your daughter with a ton of phone numbers for Brook etc, find out if the school has someone in a pastoral role such as a counsellor or possibly a learning mentor and get your daughter to speak to them. If she feels they are trustworthy understanding adults then she can encourage the pregnant friend to go to them.

Often, adults who are trained to deal with this situation can be present when the teen tells her mum so she feels like she has some support, they can then sit down with the family and discuss options calmly. No massive scene at the dinner table but its all out in the open and progress can be made.

http://www.brook.org.uk/find-a-centre

msb5262

Re-reading this thread, it looks as if the girl is desperate for help and can't bring herself to tell an adult directly - she is hoping that the OP's daughter will pass the message on somehow. In your position I wouldn't hesitate to step in to take the burden off my daughter and pass it on to someone more appropriate. No 14 year old should have a responsibility such as this on her shoulders, and I honestly believe that the other girl is fully aware that the OP's daughter can't keep this a secret as it would be totally wrong.
MsB

eklynne

Hello everyone, and thanks again for your input.
There has been some progress since I last posted. I sent DD to school today armed with phone number and opening times for one of the the FP clinics in our town. Girl couldn't bring herself to phone, so DD called and made an appointment for Wednesday night and is going to go with her. So far the girl still doesn't know that I know. I plan to keep it this way until there is a positive PT. If and when that happens, I shall intervene, saying that DD has just told me and of course offer my support to the girl before we decide on the next move, which I'm hoping will be to inform her mum or another family member. Much as I don't want to betray this girl's mother, I feel I need to give her some adult reassurance that this is not the end of the world and that she needs the support of adults to cope whatever the outcome.
Of course, my hope is that Wednesday will bring with it a negative result and a good counselling session on safe sex from the FP clinic.
Thank you all for your kind and supportive words, I have been really wound up about this. DD has been an absolute star, I am really proud of the way she's handled this. It turns out that about 6 months ago this girl was turned on by her group of 'friends' and has more or less had no one to confide in. Teenage girls can be so cruel to each other. Poor thing.
So, thanks again everyone.

caroline78

I had a scare when I was 15 and confided in a teacher who got me an appointment with my doctor to confirm...It was negative, but the teacher then posted a letter to my Mum to inform her. I lied and said I went for a friend and she gave me a letter to bring into the school, which the school replied to by post.
My point here is that not everything you tell a teacher is in confidence and maybe if the girl isn't pregnant then she could get into trouble at home.

warehouse

eklynne wrote: »

DD has been an absolute star, I am really proud of the way she's handled this.

Absolutely.