The problem with teenage girls...

Casati

You are welcome eklynne. Let's hope it alll works out, keep us posted. I was always the one at school who was confided in...your daughter sounds like a sensible lass. This girl is more likely to listen to her than anyone else given that she is the one who was told. I think you are doing the right thing, just keep an eye on the situation for the next few weeks.

dieselhead

I think you have done the right thing, make sure your daughter knows the information to be able to give good advice, however like others have said if she does not make any effort to confide in an adult soon I think you should contact the school.

cazziebo

Bit of a side issue but congratulations on having a daughter to be proud of. She's obviously trusted by her peers, and has demonstrated real maturity in how she has handled this. :T

Not easy being a teenager - or being a parent of one!

eklynne wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice.
After sleeping on it I've decided to take a step back and see how it progresses over the next week or two. I've told DD to pass on some friendly advice about speaking to someone at school. I hadn't really considered that there may be a reason she wasn't telling mum.
DD doesn't think it's bravado or showing off, as she told her in the bathroom at school where she found her crying in a cubicle and as far as she knows, no one else knows. My daughter is on the pupil council so maybe that's why she chose to confide in her? DD is also on a firm warning that the information is to go no further amongst the other pupils.
Hopefully now that she's confided in someone else she'll feel she can open up to someone who's in a position to help her out.
I suppose I panicked a bit as they all just seem to have grown up so quickly and I didn't think I'd have to deal with things like this quite so soon.
All the advice is much appreciated, thank you all.

littlemissmoney

I don't think you should tell the girls mother, but I do think you need to ring the school and tell the school nurse (or, failing that, the head of year). I don't think you should do nothing!

vaio

eklynne wrote: »

My dd has just disclosed to me this evening that a girl in her class is pregnant...........

..........My OH says I shouldn't get involved........

and he's absolutely right

coolcait

Heavy weight for a 14 year old's shoulders

Eklynne's daughter that is.

She gets hit with this news, landed with this burden, and does the sensible thing and tells her mum.

Who seeks advice on what to do. Which turns out to be, predominantly, let the distressed and possibly pregnant 14 year-old deal with it herself and in her own time. And use the 14-year old confidante as a kind of go-between to provide sources of help and information

Which leads to Eklynn'e daughter being left with the burden.

I think that's the point which we're all missing in the rush to put ourselves in the shoes of the girl who may, or may not, be pregnant. There's another 14-year old girl in this scenario - one who has been left with a huge level of responsibility. Which - in my view - is completely unfair, and puts a completely different complexion on the whole dilemma.

If the possibly pregnant teenager had confided in an adult, then I would have been more comfortable with the 'wait and see what happens' messages.

A 14-year old, who has already confided in an adult, despite the 'don't tell anyone' warnings? I think her feelings, concerns and vulnerabilities also have to be taken into account here.

shazrobo

i think the school nurse or head of year needs to be informed, this girl sounds like she needs help[

valos_mummy

I think that the OP's daughter sounds like a very level headed and sensible girl, and although at this stage the possibly pregnant friend needs to be able to go to an adult (either doctor/nurse/parent) it needs to be handled carefully. No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and the friend needs support which she might not feel she could get at home; or she feels parents will simply hit the roof and she'll be in for a world of trouble.

She's obviously upset (crying in the toilets) and scared, has put her trust in the OP's daughter. I don't think that trust should be broken by having the teachers suddenly go in informing her they're aware of her condition. Not to mention it would go through the school like quickfire - I remember a girl being pregnant in my school - think Rizzo in Grease; that's how quickly the news spread!!! I imagine at that age, you're not thinking about the baby, you're thinking about the fallout, being in trouble and having the school gossiping about you.

After all, it could be a delayed period/hormones thing. I think at this point, if the OP's daughter is comfortable with it, she needs to persuade her friend to now go to a teacher or nurse and tell them. Maybe she could offer to go with her for support, a friend to be there and hold her hand so she's not alone. Or offer to go with her to the doctors if she's not comfortable with someone at school. Once she starts opening up to people who can help her, it should become a lot better.

Lunar_Eclipse

kindofagilr wrote: »

So many girls at my school said they were pregnant for attention when they weren't.

That is so sad and something I don't understand at all. Did they not realise exactly what sort of attention they would be getting?;) I never knew anyone at school who said that, but have made a mental note ready for the rapidly approaching teenage years in my house; eek.

Whilst I agree that the OP should not approach the family concerned directly, I also think that if I was the adult with this vital information, I would feel duty bound to disclose it if the girl in question did not do so herself. This situation is indeed none of our business, yet I don't think that approach is particularly helpful or in this family's best interests. I believe in people looking out for others and extending acts of kindness. Time is fairly important in terms of pregnancy.

Thinking pragmatically and with personal beliefs aside, this is a situation that could affect the rest of this girl's life. Depending on how pregnant she might be, there are choices available to her. Additionally, she requires medical attention if she is pregnant. So whilst I can fully understand why she would not want to tell her Mother, if she is pregnant, it is better for the situation to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

In this situation, I think I would also work with my daughter, to steer this pregnant girl in the direction of seeking help. I would send her in with phone numbers or a list of some people to discuss it with. Perhaps also offering your help if she wanted it?

The girl is no doubt scared beyond anything she has felt before. She needs some support and medical care soon. So I would probably see what unfolds this week and then set a date for telling someone next week (for example) if the news is still secret. Poor girl.

EDIT: I have just read that the girl in question was crying in the toilets. Someone (form tutor) should spot something is wrong very soon and hopefully, the girl will open up to them. How do you feel about your daughter suggesting a pregnancy test? Otherwise a confidential, discrete word with the school nurse or other sensitive member of staff that your daughter could suggest, who might 'find her' upset at school soon, might just get the ball rolling.

red_devil

the whole thing is sad people pretending people that actually are at such a young age!