The problem with teenage girls...

Badger_Lady

Unless she's at a strictly religious school, she will know exactly who to talk to. There's so much education in schools about what to do, what support is out there, confidential numbers to ring etc... thorsoak's story above is heartbreaking but I'm sure very rare.

I have to agree with a number of other posters - girls at that age can be very dramatic and I'd be dubious about the existance of any pregnancy at all. Any silly sign can set them off into a fantasy land and they will talk about it with their friends because it's fun... they won't talk about it with their parents because deep down they know it probably isn't true and there's no point causing serious worry.

So step back for now... but check up via your DD every so often. If in a few weeks' time she says that the girl definitely is still pregnant, and definitely hasn't shared the news, then you can step in.

(I know the waiting and worrying can be torture)

kindofagilr

I wouldnt do a thing at all.

So many girls at my school said they were pregnant for attention when they weren't.

paddy's_mum

I wouldn't be able to sleep nights if I did nothing about this. What's to stop the OP from telephoning the school or the Education Department of her area anonymously and trying to get help for the girl in that way? A name dropped in the appropriate ear isn't trumpeting gossip from the rooftops. In her mother's shoes, I'd want to know even if only to try to protect her from her own foolhardiness in the future.

I take the point entirely that it may be teenage fantasy etc but even if the pregnancy is a figment of the girl's imagination, might this scare provide the ideal opportunity for her to be given some facts about sex/boys/pregnancy as well as sound advice about contraception if she is sexually active.

Nobody wants to bring a heap of trouble down on someone else's head but the welfare of the girl (and her baby if she is proved to be pregnant) should take precedence over anyone's desire not to get involved.

There have been far too many sad cases through the courts lately where people chose to turn a blind eye and tragedy was the end result. Septicaemia and death from a self-induced abortion, anyone?

msb5262

I agree with paddy's mum (post #14) - this can't be left alone totally.

Posters above have advocated waiting but surely here time is of the essence?

Yes information and support is freely available in schools etc BUT it's very hard to take the step of seeking that information/support.

OP, in your position I would contact the head of year or deputy head at school. Insist that your information remains anonymous (indeed, hopefully it will turn out to be misinformation) but pass this on PLEASE...it could literally be a matter of life and death.

My feeling is that if all was well, the rumour probably wouldn't be going round. It may be a cry for help from the girl, who is in a hideous situation if it is true. She may feel that someone will have to offer her help once enough people have heard it as a rumour - this is where school, school nurse, counselling service etc can step in as you clearly cannot.

Please act on this rumour. You may regret NOT acting, but I don't think you'll regret acting even if it turns out to be untrue. The girl clearly needs some help and support, even if she's never been pregnant in the first place.

Best wishes with this.

MsB

warehouse

Back away now.

The girl needs to find her own time to do this, you will force the issue to it's detriment. Stay away, it's absolutely none of your business.

paddy's_mum

At only 14 years of age, and patently obviously unable to protect herself, the likelihood of a pregnancy is everyone's business .. or are people saying that bullying in schools, domestic violence, scams leading to suicide, feral kids, honour killings of young women etc are "absolutely none of [our] business" either?

I respect that others hold different opinions but where do you draw the line?

poet123

Wait and see would be my advice. If the girl has told your daughter the chances are she has told others, and it will get out. Ask your daughter to make sure the info is correct, and not bravado.

I have a lad in my class who is currently boasting about how his girlfriend may be pregnant, he is 16 and she allegedly is 25.:eek:....it was only when he was questioned closely about her name, and it was clear he couldn't think of one quickly enough, and so latched onto the name of a famous (older) singing star that it became apparent that he was simply wanting to get across to his classmates that he had "done it" and this was his way. Of course it backfired, and he is now a source of amusement.:) Sadly this is what teens do, and more often than not it is girls who do it, so it may not be true, just a ploy to be the centre of attention for a time.

Most schools have nurses or student pastoral care, and kids are not usually shy about approaching them. I would only inform the girls mother if she was a close friend, and even then with apprehension, bad news is often met with anger, and misdirected anger at that. I may ask the school nurse to have a private word with her though, if I was sure of the facts.

thorsoak

Badger_Lady wrote: »

Unless she's at a strictly religious school, she will know exactly who to talk to. There's so much education in schools about what to do, what support is out there, confidential numbers to ring etc... thorsoak's story above is heartbreaking but I'm sure very rare.

Believe me, the school this girl went to has plenty of people that this girl could have talked to ...and it is a school that has attached to it a Mother/baby class - it is in an area where under-age mothers are not exceptional, sadly

But this girl did not tell anyone apart from a couple of friends and maybe because she was still quite skinny apparently (she was in the gym class on the Friday before she gave birth) she chose to ignore the situation and possibly pretend that it wasn't happening.

shegirl

DO NOT tell her mother!

She may not be pregnant and if she is then she needs to handle it herself,with help but to have you tell her mother would be horrible for both the girl and her mum!

It's not your place to tell the parents if the girl is pregnant.And she may be scared to tell her for various reasons.If she is in fact pregnant then she will need people to help her and people to talk to.

If you are so concerned (althoug your concern seems to be her mother not knowing) and she has told your daughter why not help your daughter help her and maybe then,if she comes to your house with your daughter you could offer her some support and encourage her to talk to her parents.

It isn't about how the parents feel it's about the girl!

eklynne

Thanks for all the advice.
After sleeping on it I've decided to take a step back and see how it progresses over the next week or two. I've told DD to pass on some friendly advice about speaking to someone at school. I hadn't really considered that there may be a reason she wasn't telling mum.
DD doesn't think it's bravado or showing off, as she told her in the bathroom at school where she found her crying in a cubicle and as far as she knows, no one else knows. My daughter is on the pupil council so maybe that's why she chose to confide in her? DD is also on a firm warning that the information is to go no further amongst the other pupils.
Hopefully now that she's confided in someone else she'll feel she can open up to someone who's in a position to help her out.
I suppose I panicked a bit as they all just seem to have grown up so quickly and I didn't think I'd have to deal with things like this quite so soon.
All the advice is much appreciated, thank you all.