The problem with teenage girls...

eklynne

My dd has just disclosed to me this evening that a girl in her class is pregnant. She is not overly friendly with this girl but I do know this girl and her mother from when the girls were at primary and also from around town, and dd has told me that mum doesn't yet know. I have now been sitting here for hours deliberating over how to deal with this situation. My dd says she doesn't know how far along this girl is (she's not showing yet apparently) and that the girl is not saying who the father is. She is 14. My OH says I shouldn't get involved, but what's tearing me up is the thought that if this situation arose in my family that other people would know and not tell me. I couldn't bear that. I have jumped in with my size 6's in the past (to my detriment) so would appreciate some views from uninvolved 3rd parties as to what they would do. All input welcomed, as I am truly confused as to how to deal with this information.

Casati

I would keep quiet for the moment. Is this girl definately pregnant? has she seen a doctor? or has she just missed a period (not unusual at that age) and is panicking ?

I would try and get your daughter on board, get her to encourage this girl to see someone confidentially, a school nurse or GP if she feels unable to talk to her mother. Do you think that this is something your daughter is confident/mature enough to help her friend with? The fact that this girl has chosen to tell your daughter and not her own mother suggests to me that she needs some help from someone who won't judge her

Kayteehee

Don't get involved - although you may feel like you should say something - it's up to the girl herself to deal with this situation.

It would cause umpteen problems for your own daughter if it came out that you notified the other's parents.

Casati

I understand what you say about no-one telling you if you were the Mother, but my main concern right now is for the daughter. A family planning clinic, NHS direct, her GP, a young persons contraceptive clinic, or the Connexions Service will be able to help her CONFIDENTIALLY. Does the school have a counsellor/advisor? I mean one thats actually worth a damn not a token muppet...obviously it would be great if she could confide in her mother but there may be a good reason for that. She needs to get this pregnancy confirmed before she can do anything else....hopefully its just a hiccup in her menstrual cycle. Fingers crossed. I don't envy you your dilemma, but I am remembering the numerous teenage girls who got pregnant when I was at school and am trying to be practical. I hope I have been of some help.

Threebabes

If it were my daughter (Ive 2), I would want to know. Do you know if the mother is approachable?

SugarSpun

I would simply give your daughter information about family planning/confidential advice sources and she can pass it on or not as she chooses. It's not a good idea for you to jump in ... and when I was a 14 year old I knew a couple of girls who invented a pregnancy for the attention and followed it by an imaginary miscarriage. I hope that's the case here, messed up as it sounds.

Kazipoo

I wouldn't do anything about it yet. My best friends' daughter told some girls in her class that she was pregnant last year. I was mortified because it was my best friends' daughter! But, I decided to keep quiet and see how it all panned out.... a week or so later, its ok, she got her period, turns out that her dates for her period were wrong and it was just her way of bragging that she had slept with a boy!!??!!

I think probably many girls will claim they think they are pregnant after having sex at such a young age. I know there has been a few "scares" in my eldest daughters' class, but what worries me more is that in my 2nd daughters class, one of the girls is actually planning to become pregnant!!!

pigpen

Is she lying for attention??

It may be best to spproach this girls head of year and express your concerns there. TBH it is none of your business and it isn't like a pregnancy is something that can be hidden for long.. leave her be and let her tell her mum in her own time.. if it is actually the truth!!

Having been the pregnant girl in this situation it would have caused nothing but upset if someone who I didn't even know butted in.. it isn't like she is taking drugs and can hide it or has a terminal illness..

Back off and if you must speak tto someone just make sure the schoolm are aware of the situation.

And if you did approach the mother she wouldn't thank/believe you and you could end up in a slanging match in the street for accusingher daughter of being promiscuous... as a mother she probably knows anyway and isn't letting on.. or again the girl could be lying teenage girls are not known for their truth telling abilities!

cats_whiskers

Hi

Has this girl actually told your daughter personally that she thinks she is pregnant or did your daughter hear it from someone else in the class. I'm not doubting what your daughter has been told, only the source as this could make a big difference. ie. someone else in the class could be spreading a nasty rumour or what if this poor girl has confided in someone that she has missed a period, which could have another explanation but somehow everyone thinks she must be pregnant.

No matter how tempting it might be I would try to clarify some facts before saying anything.

Cats

thorsoak

Well personally, I would have to share my concerns with someone else - possibly your daughter's form teacher if you don't know the mother? But someone should know - for the sake of the girl, the baby and the family.

I know of a very sad case that happened just three years ago where I used to live - 14/15 year old girl - very bright, best sets at school etc - only child - became pregnant. The father of the baby knew, some of her schoolfriends knew - but kept it to themselves - she told no adults at all.

She had the baby on the Saturday night, in her bathroom - and whether through her ignorance/deliberate action, the baby suffered a fractured skull and did not survive. She hid it in the garden shed and still told no-one. Her mother realised because of the state of the bathroom that something was wrong - and her daughter told her then. Ambulance/police called, baby found in the shed, girl taken to hospital to be checked over - and was then charged with infanticide.

She was taken to court, found guilty and I think received a suspended sentance. It totally destroyed her family - her parents were distraught at the fact that she felt she couldn't tell them - and that it was their grandchild that had died - and of course, in a small neighbourhood it was
talked about incessantly.

The family moved away, so I do hope that they are now able to rebuild their lives - but two or three mothers of the girls who knew said that if only they had known, they would have tried to help - and for this reason I would say - do let another adult who knows this girl and her family know.

cazziebo

Threebabes wrote: »

If it were my daughter (Ive 2), I would want to know. Do you know if the mother is approachable?

Yes, I would want to know too-and I have two daughters now in their late teens. The thought that I would be last to know this horrifies me. However, it's not about what you or I want - this is all about the girl and support for her.

You have said that your daughter is not particularly friendly with this girl - is she close enough to point her in the direction of support? Could she ask the girl round for tea and if it came up you could offer help then?

As everyone says - she can't hide it forever.