don't know what to do?

seven-day-weekend

1sttimer wrote:

l. It was the same when my 2 were young and my mum (bless her) said that I hadn't to forget that my OH was working all day when I moaned about me having to get up to sort out the children through the night! (This was 20+ years ago)

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Well actually I agree with her if you are a SAHM....he does his job, that one is yours! And there IS time during the day to socialise/rest/chill. The kids go to sleep or they are at school.

You can share the children and chores at weekends.

I HAVE been a SAHM by the way!

skylight

My nan told me that my OH deserved to give me a good slap if I didn't put his dinner on the table as soon as he got home. (He NEVER has by the way!)

I was horrified! But it shows the generation gap.

My OH laughed when I told him, and said that he always knew he liked my Nan.............

[Deleted User]

charlotte664 wrote:

My nan told me that my OH deserved to give me a good slap if I didn't put his dinner on the table as soon as he got home. (He NEVER has by the way!)

I was horrified! But it shows the generation gap.

My OH laughed when I told him, and said that he always knew he liked my Nan.............

What!!!!:eek: :eek: :eek:

Your not the only one who is completely horrified!!!

Blimey, so glad things have moved on since then.

Anniek1969

I agree that he does his job and shouldn't be expected to do much in the house although I do expect him to help me when it comes to DIY. We do all the DIY together and if it's something I can't do then i'm there holding the ladder or handing him the tools.

He always has his dinner made for him coming home even though I never know what time he'll definately be home, he's a bus driver and if he's running late then he'll be home late, that is unless we have take-away which is only once or twice a month. I enjoy being at home looking after my family but I think that a lot of men do undermine it and think that we just sit watching tv all day. We're lucky in that we can take a break when we want and pace ourselves through the day so that not everything has to be done as a certain time, but I do think that I work just as hard as him and should get the same respect from him as he gets from me. To be fair to him he does appreciate how good I am with the girls and often tells me and them that I am a good mother. I just wish that sometimes he would see me as a woman who needs a bit of pampering instead of just his wife.

skylight

Anniek1969 wrote:

I just wish that sometimes he would see me as a woman who needs a bit of pampering instead of just his wife.

Everything else is easy in comparision.


Well, only one way to change things I suppose - do it yourself. Maybe we should change the vein of the thread into just that - how we are going to make things better?

starlite_2

I agree he does his job.and I do mine..but forcing me out of bed to make him a bloody coffee after a night like that is just plain unfair...

Anniek1969

I think our main problem is that we don't go anywhere by ourselves. Haven't been out for a meal just the two of us since before our oldest daughter was born in 1993, mainly because of money being tight and lack of babysitters. Youngest who's 3 has spent her first night away from home with my sister, she's over 50 miles away so it can only be occasionally but she has promised to take her again during the holidays. Last time DH was working till after 8 or we would have went out then so next time I'm going to try and make it his day off. The other 2 are no problem as their 13 and 11 and my brother will take them no problem.

I must say though that we both enjoy going out as a family and we always have a great time but I think I need an adult night out more than he does. Just need a reason to get dressed up and feel like a woman again. Unfortunately our house has people coming and going all the time and every time I've planned a nice romantic night for us both someone always decides to visit.

Getting totally off topic with the OP sorry, I think you've opened a can of worms. Unfortunately I think that most men are pretty much the same and don't see how important it is to talk about things and we always seem to be the only one trying to make it work. I'd try and get him to talk about things, I know when I have a rant about how I feel he just sits there and says nothing but the next couple of weeks he does make an effort to keep me happy. They just like uncomplicated relationships and don't have the emotional needs that we have.

margaretclare

charlotte664 wrote:

My nan told me that my OH deserved to give me a good slap if I didn't put his dinner on the table as soon as he got home. (He NEVER has by the way!)

I was horrified! But it shows the generation gap.

My OH laughed when I told him, and said that he always knew he liked my Nan.............

Good heavens. How old is your Nan - younger than me, I'll lay a pound to a penny. More importantly, which century is she living in? Not the last one - the 19th maybe?

I've been happily-married to 2 good men who loved me - have been with the second one, married and not, for coming up to 9 years now. The first one, 35 years. And I have NEVER put their dinner on the table as soon as they got home! If I tell you that between the ages of 16 and 67 I had only 3 years as a SAHM and 3 years as a full-time student (I worked for 14 weeks every summer though) I think that just about covers it.

Having said all that, there are blokes who expect this kind of thing. We recently went to see someone DH knows, she's his second ex's elder daughter, has 5 kids between about 16 and 5.....they've recently split, he complained that she didn't 'meet him at the door when he got in, cook him something special, ask him what he'd like her to cook for him, and allow him a long lie-in on Sundays without the kids coming in and disturbing him'. Apparently he found some woman who is willing to do all that for him - sounds too much like that 'Surrendered Wife' idea for me"!

I'm going to be 71 in about 3 weeks' time, and let me say, NOT all of this age-group think the same!!

Margaret Clare

skylight

Hi Margaret - My Nan is 73, so only a little older than you!

Its just the way things were. Her and granddad *had* to get married and she's put up with all his rubbish over the years, so its just normal to her.

My other grandparents though (my Dads side) were just as horrified at this!

starlite_2

Well said Margaret!

In fact..despite his faults my OH is an amazing cook, and always comes home and cooks us a fantastic fresh meal..no matter how tired he his..he also does all the grocery shopping too..
I sometimes have to battle him just so I can make dinner once in a while..teehee