Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

Souk08

Hi,

Posted earlier but just wanted to add read 'In the Red' by Alexis Hall. It's great! Also leave cards at home and only take cash, a sensible amount per week out and about with you. Then you CAN'T buy X

Anglea

Hi, to curb my compulsions these days I only get £10 cashback in the supermarket and usually leave the house with a handful of pound coins rather than any notes. I've stopped buying anything in the post too.

I'm still a bit amazed how many things I've managed to buy since Christmas

The really annoying part is that I really need some new clothes and shoes and I can't find any where I live but really begrudge paying £10 bus fare to the city to buy some. Yet I can happily buy things I don't need and will probably never use :mad:

So do most of you buy things you need or are they just impulse buys that get forgotten?

salesaddict

One of my weaknesses is the Marks and Spencer's sale.
I pass the shop on my way to work each morning.
As soon as I spot the red 'sale' signs.
My pulse starts racing, I can hear my heart beating in my ears.
I rush in, as I know I only have 20 minutes before I should be at work.
I have to send a report out first thing that everyone depends on so I should never be late but I will take that chance just to get my 'bargains'.
I will have already tried on all the clothes my heart desires during the quiet full price time. I sweep in grab what I like in my size.
Next I fly down to the jewellery stand and pick out the autograph pieces as they tend to be the best quality and value.
Then onto the shoes to select my favourites in my size as shoes always sell out quickly.
I will then zip down the escalator to the underwear and grab any cerisio set in my size, then its the toiletries and make up.
Then over the next few days I will be anxiously watching and waiting for the further reductions sign.
Repeat the same of the above.
Then I will be waiting for the Final reductions sign.
Repeat all of the above.
Then I will keep visiting each day, because although the stock dwindles fast, as all the ladies love a bargain, there will always be returns of that one item I am looking for( and I didn't even know I was looking for it)
Once the sale is over I feel really flat and don't really know what to do with myself. In this way I have spent hundreds of pounds on my credit card, whilst foolishly trying to tell myself how much I have saved.
I cannot resist any autograph leather handbag that is reduced.
I recently bought two plum coloured ones in slightly different styles.
I said to myself that I would return one once I had made up my mind which I prefer. But I did not. Up until now I have kidded myself that, because I do not buy designer clothes ( well not at their full price anyway) that I do not have a shopping addiction and that all I am doing is saving money.
Now I need to face upto the facts that
I have maxed out all my credit cards.
I can no longer tart because I am only making minimum payments and I have been refused balance transfers for the first time in my life
I have no more room in, not just my wardrobes, but dh's dd's and ds's too.

So I will not be able to go to the next sale. I should feel relieved. I should see what a silly moo I have been when I re read this post. But all I really feel is depressed. Self-indulgent or what?:o:(:mad:

Anglea

Salesaddict, you must have your M &S shopping down to a fine art to get all those items so fast.

Now that kind of buying wouldn't do 'it' for me as I need to spend a long time looking round before I buy, even if I've previously seen the items.

I wonder if you miss the next sale if you can then avoid the one after that. Hope so.

lynzpower

salesaddict

You have a golden opportunity here to take the bull by the horns and sell some of this stuff. Be it on ebay or at a car boot sale.

it was only when I did this- a few years ago when I joined the site i was in debt too- that really shook me to the core. This thing you "only spent 15 on when originally it was 60" is worth 3.50 on ebay, despite the labels still being on.

The loss is chrystallised.

I dont know about you but I felt that the numbers on the statements were just that. Numbers. They didnt really apply- I felt very disconnected from them if you see what I mean.

Dealing in cash really narrows the focus I think.

I honestly think once you have started selling your stuff your buying will really slow right down. Not carrying money is also good. I used to set myself a £1 a day to spend/waste. While I was at work. I always took lunch in, so I never really needed anything else- but I had this I could waste if I wanted - in the end I hardly ever even spent it!

PLus every single penny gained from selling your unused items

I know someone mentioned cognitive behavioural therapy on here, and I know that can sound rather abstract. http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Cognitive-Behaviour-Therapy-(CBT).htm this is a good explaination.

What role does anxiety play in the spending patterns gals?

I definitely feel great anxiety at "running out" of something ( anything!!). I have had to really train myself out of this ( still rears its head though!) and do this by micromanaging the "stocks" in the house, making sure I fully know what weve got in, meal planning etc ( and latterly toiletries planning!)

IMO the key is to really listen to yourself, what is your "internal dialogue saying to you", once you are understanding of that, you can really start to manage it

I dont think it truly goes away. I also feel that it can be an anxiety passed down through parenting ( mother a shopaholic) I know "runnning out" is an issue for my mum or "us not having enough".

Anglea

Hi all

Lynzpower, I was reading your post and your comments about internal dialogues. My shopping isn't about stockpiling as much as fearing I'll be missing out.

I get the 'finding that special item or person or experience in case I run out of time and be too old'.

I've always had that feeling since I was small.

In recent years I've also discovered that I started doing the reverse e.g. procrastinating excessively on anything important and leaving it until the last possible moment then rushing around.

Anyone else have the fear of missing out?

lynzpower

Ang that is so insightful.

morocha

I feel at home here... i think i might stay.
I am the kind of person who never buys full price... the sales are my dream come true. I kind of also set a budget of no more than £10 ( before it used to be £5) per item... But i can happily shop today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow...
I get in the shops, and i need to see absolutely everything, once i finished with all of them, i go back to the ones that i liked the most and decided if i would like them... 80% i leave them but the 20% of the time... i get them, as long it's a bargain.... i get depressed if after being in town i come back empty handed.
MY new obsession is buying on line... get them delivered, waiting for the post man...HE knows who we are... but happily chooses to keep quiet.
Since i started My Business selling things, i feel in heaven, i for once get things without feeling guilty , take them home... and then make some profit.
Should i say that i love shopping not only for myself but for others too ?... 2 days ago i bought my MIL a pair of Monsoon leather shoes for £5 brand new in Cheshire oaks...i feel so happy when i give others things.
And i too feel that feeling, awful feeling, that i have no hobbies, it is like i can not do any other thing than shopping. i like shopping because it allows me to have things that i never could when i was growing up... my family were quite poor.. but since i moved to the uk... every girls seems to have everything, full wardrobes, lots of handbags, lots of everything...

salesaddict

Anglea wrote: »

Hi all

Lynzpower, I was reading your post and your comments about internal dialogues. My shopping isn't about stockpiling as much as fearing I'll be missing out.

I get the 'finding that special item or person or experience in case I run out of time and be too old'.

I've always had that feeling since I was small.

In recent years I've also discovered that I started doing the reverse e.g. procrastinating excessively on anything important and leaving it until the last possible moment then rushing around.

Anyone else have the fear of missing out?

Hi Anglea,

yes I definitely have that fear of missing a really great 'bargain'
I feel so happy, I may actually say thrilled, when I find something in a sale. Especially when I would have really desired it when it was full priced, knowing that I would never have paid full price for it.

salesaddict

thankyou lynz for your really thoughtful, helpful post. I have a lot to do, so much to read up on, and small steps to take. I know I need to sell stuff. I honestly can't make that leap yet. I can't even look on ebay. I don't know where this irrational hatred of ebay comes from. It's certainly not normal. I love a boot sale though, but I have only ever bought from them (quelle suprise!).
When the weather gets better I will become a seller. So stick with me I can't follow all this fantastic advice at once. But I do keep reading and re-reading all the posts and I am trying to put different strategies into action. I also want to be scrupulously honest if I fall off the wagon. That way I can climb straight back on.