Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

Mags30

salesaddict wrote: »

Hello,

I am worried that when they are older they will look back and think very badly of me. I have spoken to my son about my problem and he seems to understand and is not as harsh on me as perhaps I can be on myself.

That's not true. They will look back and think "Mammy liked shopping". That hardly means the children were neglected and they probably have more than other children because you are finding all the good brands at low prices.

How often do you go shopping? Is it just at sale time? Because sales are a permenant fixture in retail these days which makes it even more difficult to stop.

salesaddict

lynzpower wrote: »

cant you enjoy doing those things too though? Cant you enjoy taking the kids to the park or seaside?

I do think you need a diversionary tactic

I can Lynz, but only if there are shops nearby:o
Normally I will leave dh and dd in the funfair, or park and go and 'browse'
then meet up with them later. I don't know any other Mum who would do this.:(

salesaddict

lynzpower wrote: »

hate to bang on but I really think making a concerted effort to sell things, would be some evidence for both of you that you are trying to put things right.

You can only do that by taking less out and bringing more in.

A lesson it took me a very long time to learn and I only learned it when I hit the rocks ( bouncing accounts, wouldnt be able to pay mortgage, debt collectors etc) and thankfully committed ( in the main) to the mantra of MSE living.

I honestly dont know where Id be now if I hadnt

I will honestly think about this and take some action on it. I will report back to you once I do. You are not banging on. You are really helping me.:)

lynzpower

I am worried that when they are older they will look back and think very badly of me. I have spoken to my son about my problem and he seems to understand and is not as harsh on me as perhaps I can be on myself.

The one thing Ive never said to my mother (ive hinted) and her incessant shopping trips was that although we had a good upbringing ( no complaints at all) I just feel sad for my mum that she doesnt have anything else in her life.

Im not perfect- but I try to avoid having weekend windows with nothing to do even if its just going to plan a long dog walk or going to a museum. Then that is the focus of the weekend, not potentially going up oxford street :eek:

NGlady

Oh im the same - I can go out for the day. Say to Alton towers, but by 7 hours there, im itching to go wonder round the shops and buy a teddybear i dont actually ever need just to have a purchase :S

salesaddict

Mags30 wrote: »

That's not true. They will look back and think "Mammy liked shopping". That hardly means the children were neglected and they probably have more than other children because you are finding all the good brands at low prices.

How often do you go shopping? Is it just at sale time? Because sales are a permenant fixture in retail these days which makes it even more difficult to stop.

Well Mags,



I have managed to stop my weekly visit to Primark. No matter what I bought it always seemed to total £35.00 which is quite odd. I have weaned myself off the Debenhams Blue cross sale now that they no longer have the Principles concession. At the moment, and I mean in the last 3 weeks I go food shopping on a Saturday and to a shopping centre where there is a market and lots of pound, 99p stores and savers type shops. These have been a revelation to me and I need to control myself in these type of places:(

Thankyou for your kind words about how the children will think of me. I have to say they are two lovely kids who never cause me a moments trouble (touching wood here) so hopefully they won't have to be in therapy for the rest of their adult lives.:)

salesaddict

lynzpower wrote: »

The one thing Ive never said to my mother (ive hinted) and her incessant shopping trips was that although we had a good upbringing ( no complaints at all) I just feel sad for my mum that she doesnt have anything else in her life.

Im not perfect- but I try to avoid having weekend windows with nothing to do even if its just going to plan a long dog walk or going to a museum. Then that is the focus of the weekend, not potentially going up oxford street :eek:

I think you may have mentioned this on the toiletries thread along with one of the other posters, I can't remember who? This really makes me think.

salesaddict

Sorry, I have to say good night now as my poor son wants to use the pc.
Speak to you all tomorrow

NGlady

I've just ordered a ring from Debenhams... but it was only £1.90 - tut tut.
I think my issue is, debenhams have saved my bank details so all i do is enter my memorble security number and visa details.
Is there a wy of making the site forget my bank details :S

mineallmine

Hi sales addict,

Great to see your thread. I've and we've been in debt several times. Like a lot of people it came up from behind and smacked us over the heads. We reached the minimum payment stage like you too. The HUGE thing you can thank yourself for is that you have realised what the situation is. You know the financial situation. Yes its terrifying. Absolutely. I found I had had to mute my worrying button (that was hard) and switch on an action button. What teeny tiny thing can I do today? There is always something. Can you -

- reduce your overdraft limit? credit card limits? I found snipping them to within an inch of their lives meant, I simply could not spend beyond that point. Even a reduction of £50 in the limit you can go up to is taking action.

- return any of your M&S purchases? I think they have a 30 day guarantee now. So re-winding back to early January - anything that go back? And like others have said, if it's still in packaging and un-used, you cant be that in love with it.

- break 1 habit and instead make 1 promise. Can you do food shopping somewhere else away from the high street or on a different day. Why not say to the kids how about doing X this weekend? It'll be harder to break that promise to them. Could your kids have some friends round? How can you break up your crucial most at risk shopping days/times?

- carry with you something of emotional importance in your life. A picture of your family or a little toy of theirs. When you feel yourself wanting to shop try and look at that object.

- you said you were refused balance transfers (perhaps to this to a new card?). Could you transfer balances between your credit cards - trying to use the one with the lowest rates of them all? It's shuffling debt around yes, but sometimes it can be worth it.

- I think there's a debt free thread - what have you done today (perhaps some can post it) - perhaps post in there to keep your focus.

- could you do a garage sale? Is there a table sale coming up near you soon - doesnt need quite so much prep as a boot sale.

One final thing stop being so hard on yourself. If you were blindly carrying on and ignoring the situation, that would be fool-hardy. But your not. You have acknowledged it. And that is the hardest thing. There has already been loads of advice on here but I know that your thread provides a platform for you to build your new life. :A