Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

salesaddict

morocha wrote: »

I feel at home here... i think i might stay.
I am the kind of person who never buys full price... the sales are my dream come true. I kind of also set a budget of no more than £10 ( before it used to be £5) per item... But i can happily shop today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow...
I get in the shops, and i need to see absolutely everything, once i finished with all of them, i go back to the ones that i liked the most and decided if i would like them... 80% i leave them but the 20% of the time... i get them, as long it's a bargain.... i get depressed if after being in town i come back empty handed.
MY new obsession is buying on line... get them delivered, waiting for the post man...HE knows who we are... but happily chooses to keep quiet.
Since i started My Business selling things, i feel in heaven, i for once get things without feeling guilty , take them home... and then make some profit.
Should i say that i love shopping not only for myself but for others too ?... 2 days ago i bought my MIL a pair of Monsoon leather shoes for £5 brand new in Cheshire oaks...i feel so happy when i give others things.
And i too feel that feeling, awful feeling, that i have no hobbies, it is like i can not do any other thing than shopping. i like shopping because it allows me to have things that i never could when i was growing up... my family were quite poor.. but since i moved to the uk... every girls seems to have everything, full wardrobes, lots of handbags, lots of everything...

Oh Morocha,

I so identify with the things you say too. Please stay on this thread:). Hope fully we can encourage and help each other. Another reason I want to get a hold of myself and have a healthier attitude to shopping is so that my little girl doesn't follow in my footsteps. I feel really guilty that I would rather shop than watch her at her horse riding lesson or whatever activity there might be. She would love to just go to the park or swimming on a Saturday and this is the first time I have ever admitted that I would rather shop than do any of that, dare I say, boring stuff. What an admission:(

GetRealBabe

That's fantastic salesaddict.

We're rooting for you:).

GRB

lynzpower

salesaddict wrote: »

Hi Anglea,

yes I definitely have that fear of missing a really great 'bargain'
I feel so happy, I may actually say thrilled, when I find something in a sale. Especially when I would have really desired it when it was full priced, knowing that I would never have paid full price for it.

This is interesting. I think I have this a bit too. Now you mention is ( in an abstract way) when im in this same situation, I feel rather "clever" that I knew it was "worth" more before so "pat on the back for me for being so clever" and a nice trophy to boot. Im not saying YOU said you feel like that, but what you said made me realise I AM LIKE THAT.

I had never thought of myself being like that at all, but it is true.

Thanks x

Ex-Spendaholic

Salesaddict I loved your M&S post. I could actually visualise it all going on in my own M&S and felt very envious.

I worry too about shopping behaviours wearing off on the kids. My eldest (a boy) hates shopping but the 6 year old girl just loves it. She can spot a branch of Next a mile off and although she isn't a greedy child will happily have anything from there regardless of what it looks like just so that she has got something. Traditionally I haven't said no. :eek:

salesaddict

Mags30 wrote: »

I didn't post earlier but I can't stop thinking about this thread since I saw it earlier today. I too tend to never go more than a week without buying something. I'm well aware that I like shopping but I would never have seen it as an addiction probably because:



Like the example of the pair of socks my purchases are usually bargains with 70% off.

This thread has really made me think so thanks to everyone who contributed. I have a question if anyone can answer it: Other addictions like alcohol/gambling/smoking/drugs are usually dealt with by completely stopping the activity but nobody can completely stop shopping so how is it cured? I'm expecting people to say "buy only what you need" but doesn't any shopping fix even nice food at the supermarket feed the addiction a bit more?

Hi Mags

I know what you mean. I even love food shopping. Since I have been on this site i have tried Aldi and Lidl and moving down brands and I can spend ages in Supermarkets over the food shopping. But up until, I suppose, my lbm, I would make savings on the food then splurge in the sales on clothes and make up. That is not really a very maternal thing to do. A Mother is supposed to do her best for her children, you know with regards the best food and making other sacrifices for them . I feel really guilty about this at the moment as I am thinking of all the times I have put myself first instead of my family. It really hits me with a full force now that my teenage son once laughingly said to me that I was like a teenager with a credit card. He was joking, but when you really think about that what an indictment.

salesaddict

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

Salesaddict I loved your M&S post. I could actually visualise it all going on in my own M&S and felt very envious.

I worry too about shopping behaviours wearing off on the kids. My eldest (a boy) hates shopping but the 6 year old girl just loves it. She can spot a branch of Next a mile off and although she isn't a greedy child will happily have anything from there regardless of what it looks like just so that she has got something. Traditionally I haven't said no. :eek:

Hello,

I have subscribed to your thread too.:)
Well my 17 year old son used to love shopping with me, when he was a child he loved a bargain too. Now he is older he shops very wisely from various online stores. He never asks me for much. Usually birthdays and christmas.
My little girl does like shopping but she tells me off for the way I am. She likes the things her Daddy likes doing like going to the park or to the seaside. I am worried that when they are older they will look back and think very badly of me. I have spoken to my son about my problem and he seems to understand and is not as harsh on me as perhaps I can be on myself.

salesaddict

lynzpower wrote: »

This is interesting. I think I have this a bit too. Now you mention is ( in an abstract way) when im in this same situation, I feel rather "clever" that I knew it was "worth" more before so "pat on the back for me for being so clever" and a nice trophy to boot. Im not saying YOU said you feel like that, but what you said made me realise I AM LIKE THAT.

I had never thought of myself being like that at all, but it is true.

Thanks x

Lynz
you are clever so you should pat yourself on the back:)
Isn't self-knowledge a wonderful thing:rotfl:

salesaddict

Another thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is my relationship with my dh. He has a drink problem which gets worse at times of stress. ( Don't we sound a great couple? Wouldn't you love a dinner part invite at our house?:o) Over the years we have kind of given into each other over our addictions. For instance I will say, oh I buy too much make up and lotions and potions. He will say, well you work hard and its your little hobby. I will say oh well you don't go to the pub you drink at home and you are always there for the kids. So as someone else on another thread pointed out to me, we have enabled each other to carry on. This is something I have only just become aware of. I have over the past year hid a lot of purchases from him. It has caused a lot of stress on our relationship because he lost his business a year ago and has not worked since yet I just carried on spending. The guilt I feel for this is really oppressive and I need to make amends and change my behaviour.

lynzpower

salesaddict wrote: »

Hello,

I have subscribed to your thread too.:)
Well my 17 year old son used to love shopping with me, when he was a child he loved a bargain too. Now he is older he shops very wisely from various online stores. He never asks me for much. Usually birthdays and christmas.
My little girl does like shopping but she tells me off for the way I am. She likes the things her Daddy likes doing like going to the park or to the seaside. I am worried that when they are older they will look back and think very badly of me. I have spoken to my son about my problem and he seems to understand and is not as harsh on me as perhaps I can be on myself.

cant you enjoy doing those things too though? Cant you enjoy taking the kids to the park or seaside?

I do think you need a diversionary tactic

lynzpower

salesaddict wrote: »

Another thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is my relationship with my dh. He has a drink problem which gets worse at times of stress. ( Don't we sound a great couple? Wouldn't you love a dinner part invite at our house?:o) Over the years we have kind of given into each other over our addictions. For instance I will say, oh I buy too much make up and lotions and potions. He will say, well you work hard and its your little hobby. I will say oh well you don't go to the pub you drink at home and you are always there for the kids. So as someone else on another thread pointed out to me, we have enabled each other to carry on. This is something I have only just become aware of. I have over the past year hid a lot of purchases from him. It has caused a lot of stress on our relationship because he lost his business a year ago and has not worked since yet I just carried on spending. The guilt I feel for this is really oppressive and I need to make amends and change my behaviour.

hate to bang on but I really think making a concerted effort to sell things, would be some evidence for both of you that you are trying to put things right.

You can only do that by taking less out and bringing more in.

A lesson it took me a very long time to learn and I only learned it when I hit the rocks ( bouncing accounts, wouldnt be able to pay mortgage, debt collectors etc) and thankfully committed ( in the main) to the mantra of MSE living.

I honestly dont know where Id be now if I hadnt