Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

moggylover

salesaddict wrote: »

Hi all,

I posted this last night and I have not had a chance to look again until now and I am absolutely overwhelmed and delighted by all the very real practical help and suggestions. But also, I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone and others have definitely felt the same as me and yet have beaten it, or at least have it under control for most of the time.
I will post more again later and thankyou all again for your time and help

Hi salesaddict! Loving this new thread! I don't have much advice for you that hasn't already been given: but I wanted to stop by and say Good Luck !

juno

I shop online constantly.

But I've blocked my debit card from being used online (well, with verified by visa sites), and can never remember my credit card details - and it only has a £100 limit anyway. So I put stuff in my basket, and then don't finish the purchase and a few days later have forgotten anyway.

NGlady

Another thing I read on here, I think it was on the £100 shopping limit thread is when you go into a store, you have this overwelming urge when you see something to pick it up as if to buy it. Well make yourself walk around the store for 20 minutes, that strong urge to buy will be susided with, can I really afford this and do I really feel like queueing up. Aparinatly, more times out of not you dont actually buy the garment anymore.

Another one, when you have picked something up - and ur having that urge. Ring a friend who knows your trying to stop buying and explain the garment to them (its there job to discourage you!)

I know, pot calling kettle black and that for me lol..

velocity.girl_2

hiya all, i too am a shopaholic...this is the first time i've ever admitted it...over the last 15 years i've got myself into debt 3 times and had other people (ex hubby/bloke) bail me out...
I am as of today £3,000 in debt and £1,500 of that is to Simply be...all on stuff i didn't need but brought to make myself feel good, i am constantly spending money i don't have on Ebay(i sell on there too) sometimes i buy stuff receive it, don't like and stick it straight back on Ebay but a lot of the times it just languishs in a bag hidden...i have the postman come to my door every morning with a mountain of parcels...i got asked by paypal to reverify my account as i had reached my £10,000 spending limit (i've only been a member 18 months ) i feel sick, i'm overweight, suffer with mental health problems...hidden all of this from my partner...he knows about my other debts and has refused to bail me out this time and fair play to him for that and i've cleared some...

I just don't know where to draw the line some of the advice in this thread is awesome...a lot common sense but when you are in the throws of it like i am it seems impossiable

good luck to everyone on their journeys to a debt free life xx

NGlady

It is a scary feeling isnt it Velocity, you are bored so you buy. Afterall, that top on ebay is only £0.99p and a couple more quid for postage. But then it all adds up. I got into debt with additions once, an took me 3 months of pay cheques to pay it off, at the end of the period of paying I looked into my wardrobe and thought so what did i buy from additions - answer, i couldnt remember.

salesaddict

deepintrouble wrote: »

Hi,

I was just as bad, when I was depressed, or stressed, or just plain bored I would go shopping. Eventually I ended up with £60k of unsecured debt and am now on a DMP for the next ten years to pay it all off.

What made me stop? I suppose it was finding the "right" partner who I wanted to marry (had already been married and divorced). Not wanting to let her down I suppose?

I'm sorry I don't have the magic answer for you, but hang in there, things will get sorted eventually. I suppose its like any habit that you need to break (smoking/drinking/eating) its tough at first, but becomes easier with time.

You know you mentioned boredom. That is something I suffer from and I feel really ashamed about that. My beloved Mum use to say she could never be bored, there was always too much for her to do. She worked, she kept an immaculate house, the garden she kept like a bit of heaven on earth. It always seem to be in bloom all year round. But with me I don't like housework or gardening. I mean I do these things but only because I know I should. I have had jobs that have been very demanding and taken my life over. In those instances I found it a release to shop and reward myself I suppose for having to put up with the stress. Now I have a really boring job and I am grateful for it (since the banking crisis, ironic I know that I should work in a Financial service industry yet not be able to control my own finances:o)
The boredom I am talking about comes deep from within. I don't know if I can properly explain it to someone who hasn't felt like that. I am never bored when I shop. What does that say about me?:(

velocity.girl_2

i know what you mean NGlady, i'm exactly the same and i'm ashamed to say a lot of the stuff i brought from simply be about a month later i sold on ebay for a fraction of the price or gave away...i need to stop doing it, all my debts are now with collection agencies and i'm constantly trying to beat my bloke to the post...i'm living on my nerves all the time wish i was stronger...you would of thought i'd of learned by now

Ex-Spendaholic

Hi Velocity Girl

I have a suggestion for you. Go into your paypal account and remove your credit/debit cards from it. It is all too easy for you just typing an email address and password in and voila you've bought stuff.

Obviously if this is a big habit (and it certainly seems to be given your spend in the past 1.5 years) you are not going to give up overnight so need to take small steps.

What I suggest you do is get a prepaid card and use it for ebay. The card will need topped up with cash in order to be used. Yes you can do bank transfers and things but put that out of your mind for now. Get the card and then when you feel the need to buy on ebay go to the cash machine get out the cash and walk into a paypoint location and add the money to the card. You will probably feel like you are paying a bill. I'm hoping that maybe just maybe the hassle and the psychological effect of doing this may make it a little harder for you to buy on ebay and it may help you cut down on your spending.

My OH is an ebayoholic. He loves parcels arriving. I think he has a jiffy bag fettish. :rotfl: He can't wait for stuff to arrive. He expects everything next day. :rotfl:In fairness to him he doesn't spend money in shops or anything and does work hard. A lot of what he spends on ebay comes from stuff sold but the rest is him giving me the money in cash to put back into the bank.

I've ordered him an O2 money card. Its free to get, free to use etc. I'm hoping that walking in and handing over money will slow him down a bit too. He never admits that things aren't what he was expecting or that he won't use them. They just pile up until I have a tantrum and list the whole lot for sale again. :mad:

Finally do not succumb to the ebay psychologically of "winning", you are not "winning", you are "buying" and "paying" for the item. If you want to "win" stuff, take up comping and maybe you will win stuff.

I wish you loads of luck in getting sorted.

NGlady

Probably the wrong thread to put this on lol.
But ive got £10 in my purse. Im taking all my debit cards away from me. And that is all Im allowed to spend until Saturday morning now. On saturday morning ill allow myself £20 until Tuesday wonder if ill manage it lol.

Ex-Spendaholic

Of course you can do it Nglady. :beer: