Help! Oh childs mum continually breaking contact order + emotional abuse

ford_prefect_3

Kazza am I right in thinking you used to post on Parentscentre a few years ago on this one.

You can legally record anything in a public place so if the ex wants to have a rant at you in the street you can record it and it is admissable as evidence, you do not have to advise the other party that they are being recorded.

I have also recorded and admitted telephone calls in a family court case which where recorded on telephone loudspeaker (and my ex's solicitor was a bit useless which helped) and where used as part of the section 7 and the hearing itself.

I have always been a firm believer in using the legal channels well and applying pressure through "other" channels to focus the other party.

In the legal channel:

Have you made an application to enforce the order? Has it got to the stage of power of arrest?

Your solicitor should be asking for drug tests on the mother, if she is know to be using drugs and/or has a history of drug use then this is a useful step in getting residency

You need to move to a third party pick up and drop off so your OH has no contact with her and that needs to be court ordered, its clear from the rants she wants your OH present so take that toy away.

Raise the bar and look at a residency application, clearly the ex is not exactly mother of the year so this would be in the childs best interests (does the mother have a residency order at the moment?)

Be forceful with social services, if they wont take the drug taking seriously explain to them you want it noted in the section 7 report that they have been advised she is a crack head and are choosing not to investigate (your solicitor may not be comfortable with this approach btw)

In the external pressure channel:

Payment to CSA level, cut her shoe and bag tokens and she will re join the human race faster, at the moment your OH is paying for her lifestyle as opposed to his sons care.

Benefit fraud and any other skeletons in the closet need to be taken out for an airing, even if it just means she is getting extra interviews at the job centre the pressure is applied, a conviction would be useful but isnt essential.

Make it clear that if she doesnt play ball her life will become a world of disaster and use those pressures combined with the court case to get a better result.

MrsE_2

euronorris wrote: »

OP, has she ever said that she wanted a relationship with your OH? Maybe in the beginning?

I know there hasn't been, but maybe this is why she is so angry and acting so nastily. Perhaps she is an extremely jealous person and therefore enjoys putting such strain on you, your OH and your relationship. Obviously you've been strong enough to overcome that, but in her mind she may believe it's working.

I know that doesn't help the situation, but I find it can be easier to deal with things like this, if you at least understand it a bit better.

I thought this.

Some (much) of her behaviour sounds like the nutter my DH had 2 kids with before we met & married.

Even after us being together 10 - 12 years she was still trying to get him back:rotfl:
Getting his kids to ask him for her - I'm embarrased for her:rotfl:

OP word of warning, it never stopped. Now they are adults & they grew up believing her crap.

kazza1000

ford_prefect wrote: »

Kazza am I right in thinking you used to post on Parentscentre a few years ago on this one.

You can legally record anything in a public place so if the ex wants to have a rant at you in the street you can record it and it is admissable as evidence, you do not have to advise the other party that they are being recorded.

I have also recorded and admitted telephone calls in a family court case which where recorded on telephone loudspeaker (and my ex's solicitor was a bit useless which helped) and where used as part of the section 7 and the hearing itself.

I have always been a firm believer in using the legal channels well and applying pressure through "other" channels to focus the other party.

In the legal channel:

Have you made an application to enforce the order? Has it got to the stage of power of arrest?

Your solicitor should be asking for drug tests on the mother, if she is know to be using drugs and/or has a history of drug use then this is a useful step in getting residency

You need to move to a third party pick up and drop off so your OH has no contact with her and that needs to be court ordered, its clear from the rants she wants your OH present so take that toy away.

Raise the bar and look at a residency application, clearly the ex is not exactly mother of the year so this would be in the childs best interests (does the mother have a residency order at the moment?)

Be forceful with social services, if they wont take the drug taking seriously explain to them you want it noted in the section 7 report that they have been advised she is a crack head and are choosing not to investigate (your solicitor may not be comfortable with this approach btw)

In the external pressure channel:

Payment to CSA level, cut her shoe and bag tokens and she will re join the human race faster, at the moment your OH is paying for her lifestyle as opposed to his sons care.

Benefit fraud and any other skeletons in the closet need to be taken out for an airing, even if it just means she is getting extra interviews at the job centre the pressure is applied, a conviction would be useful but isnt essential.

Make it clear that if she doesnt play ball her life will become a world of disaster and use those pressures combined with the court case to get a better result.

Hi ford, thanks for this.

The mother has residency, my oh has, in the past, applied for both joint residency and sole residency (on the basis that is son would be better of being cared for by his father because of both emotional abuse, concerns about his welfare re drugs etc. However, SS did not find any suficient evidence that would necessitate changing residence from the mother to my oh).

On the point of the handovers my oh has ben advised by both NSPCC and SS that if he feels that the child is likely to witness conflict during handovers then he should not personally pick the child up from his mother but should send a 3rd party. However, the mother is determined to have my oh at the handovers (and therefore have him available if she wants to have a rant) and is refusing to allow the child to go with anyone except my oh. We have made an application to the court in attempt to have this sorted.

There is NO WAY to have the contact order enforced - it's crazy and not really worth the paper it's written on. As is a civil court police cannot be involved, court order cannot be enforced and we can only ask the magistrate to advise the mother to abide by the order. But if she chooses not to there are no consequences for her ( in England there is now leeway for a magistrate to give such mothers community service and it has been very successful in persuading mothers to uphold the order but we live in Northern Ireland and as yet our legal system does not allow for this).

The most recent update is that my oh has rece'd a letter from SS this morning to say that the referal made to them by NSPCC does not warrant an assessment as all issues have previously been addressed in a previous assessment - so it seems like the poor child will be at the mercy of his mum's manipulation and emtional abuse without interference from anyone - brilliant!! They have just given her free rein to put whatever thoughts and words into the childs head that she wants, to bully him into choosing not to see his dad and to be able to treat my oh exactly how she likes in front of the child.

We're are really stuck with this now as we really wanted an SS assessment done but it seems that, other than my oh solicitor there is absolutely no support available to him in his efforts to protect his son and let him grow up in a stable environment.

Aaaaaargh

kazza1000

chloe99 wrote: »

Hi there - just wondered if you have asked ss to add her latest madness (accusations of violence aginst child by your oh) to their records? If you dont do this then I would just have a small concern that they could mistakenly put HER claims to the top of the pile whilst putting yours to the bottom - which given the current status of child protection etc, could turn out really badly for your oh.

Hi Chloe, thanks for this. However it seems that despite her being "seriously concerned" about the way my oh treats the child she has only deemed it necessary to report this abuse to her solicitor and not the relevant protective agencies!!!! She is 100% loopy loo.

So, SS are not even aware of her current allegations and have now closed the case as they do not feel that an investigation of the complaints raised by my oh with regard to his sons welfare will "benefit his family at this time".