We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.

This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Sick of my local supermarket! Grrrr!

Ok so I'm really not having the best week and as usual I turn to my friends on here. Several things have upset me this week but the one that has annoyed me the most is my local supermarket.
I've been a customer here for 5 and half years - usually popping in about twice a week to top up my big online shop with basics and fresh items. But the last 3 times I have been in I've been treated like a criminal I feel and its really shaken me and now I feel anxious at the thought of even going in.
1st incident - stopped by security guard because i had baby milk from boots in my pushchair shopping basket. Easily sorted as I had receipts but everyone was staring at me and I felt embarrassed. Also - the supermarket dont even stock that particular milk. 2nd incident - yesterday - wouldnt serve me for a bottle of red wine. This is bearing in mind how often I shop at this store and the fact that I regularly am in with my children (eldest being 7). They must have sold me alcohol literally hundreds of times. I even bought 30 bottles of champagne from them for my wedding 3 years ago! The woman behind the till was very snooty with me and said that if i was 'desperate for wine' I could go home and get my passport. Blimey - 1 bottle of wine and made to feel like an alcholic! Again, people were staring. 3rd incident - almost unbelievably - today I was stopped by security again and asked to see receipts for my items. You have to ask for carrier bags and are encouraged to use your own so I try to be good and use an eco bag and my shopping basket but this is what I get for it! I was so upset I actually cried walking home.
I know it's not exactly the end of the world but it is a small supermarket in a small town and the staff (many of who I know from school) and customers literally stand and STARE blatantly. 3 times I've been confronted there recently and felt so embarrassed. I dont know what is wrong with me! I dont get dressed up to the nines to go to the supermarket but I dont particularly look scruffy. i just look like a typical harrassed mum lol in my usual mum uniform of uggs, leggings and a cardigan/jumper or whatever but I feel like I'm being looked down on - like i look like a thief or an underage drinker! It's made me feel really nervous of going in there now - but I dont really have much choice.
I'd complain but I dont think it would get me anywhere - would probably get blacklisted as a trouble causer as well.
It's just topped of what has been a pretty bad week so far - had a review at docs for my postnatal depression and she is forcing me to go onto meds now - I really didnt want to and have managed almost a year without but she just wouldnt take no for an answer.
Just feel so upset and still shaken from earlier and needed to chat - thanks for listening people and any advice on how to make myself less of a target for supermarket confrontation would be great :(
MANAGED TO CLEAR A 3K OVERDRAFT IN ONE FRUGAL, SUPER CHARGED MONEY EARNING MONTH!:j
£10 a day challenge Aug £408.50, Sept £90
Weekly.
155/200
"It's not always rainbows and butterflies, It's compromise that moves us along."
«134567

Comments

  • jellymid
    jellymid Posts: 338 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Hi Roxie,
    I didn't want to read and run. It sounds like a rotten week, and very unerving to be treated like that by the supermarket and the doctor. It sounds like the supermarket security guard is trying to justify his pay, and you were an easy target. He probably knew that you bought the milk in under your pushchair.

    As to the wine - you lucky thing - looking like you are under 21! But seriously, take some ID next time and sigh, be laid back and casual if you can when you show it. In the short term, use their bags, too.

    All I can say is that if I saw a young Mum being obviously picked on then it would make me think twice about shopping there in the future.

    Good luck with the PND, you are doing really well just to get out to the supermarket and you really don't need this harrassment,

    Jelly
  • RoxieW
    RoxieW Posts: 3,016 Forumite
    Thanks jelly - it honestly does feel like harrassment but i spose they justify it by saying they are just doing their jobs. Yet I'm the one left feeling embarrassed and singled out.
    The id rules have changed so that it is under 25 now - which just seems so silly seeing as you have to be 18 to buy alcohol and I think under 18's are pretty easy to spot - whereas 25 is more of a grey area and anyone up to the age of 35 I think could possibly be 25 - shrug - I dont know. I just felt it was so hypocritical going on how many times they have served me in the past - they should hope that I am not underage otherwise they have broken the law many many times! Even though the supervisor knew me and my age she said that once a cashier had asked then they were not allowed to serve without ID? My friend who I was with who is 32 and had her drivers license with her (and who I was actually buying the bottle of wine to share with!) then said she would buy the wine but they wouldnt serve her either because they said they knew it was for me! It just seemed really silly and petty.
    It really hadnt occured to me that I would ever need ID in there - based on past experience -and i only have my passport anyway which I'm not comfortable carrying around. Just going to buy my wine with my online shop from now on I think!
    MANAGED TO CLEAR A 3K OVERDRAFT IN ONE FRUGAL, SUPER CHARGED MONEY EARNING MONTH!:j
    £10 a day challenge Aug £408.50, Sept £90
    Weekly.
    155/200
    "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, It's compromise that moves us along."
  • ema_o
    ema_o Posts: 885 Forumite
    Aw, sounds dreadful, I would be fuming at the woman for being snooty and saying "if you are desperate". How rude. I know what you mean about not using carrier bags as well, it is a bit stupid that the security guard stopped you twice in one week as well - was it the same guy?

    I do wonder if a bit of how bad you feel about it is related to your PND though. Perhaps despite your annoyance you should be chuffed to be asked for id, you are obviously not looking your age or harassed. I know it is annoying but perhaps if you laugh it off the woman would be less snooty??
    My OH dealt with this in a way that worked the other day (he is 30 and no way looks underage!) he simply said "are you ***ing kidding :eek:" and got on with the shopping - he actually did think he was joking when I asked him later, but the guy did hover around as if he was waiting for ID but then decided not to push the matter. Not my style but it did work!

    Perhaps for the time being just use their bags to stop the security person stopping you? Or if it was the same person both times maybe say something as you go in jokingly like "I'm not going to be searched on the way out again am I ;)"?

    Hope things do improve for you hun, sounds like the last thing you need :)
  • ema_o
    ema_o Posts: 885 Forumite
    Oh and just seen your other post about refusing your friend because it was for you - now that is just petty. And it used to be that you could get a second opinion (I used to when I worked in a pub sometimes) but maybe that has changed now!
  • RoxieW
    RoxieW Posts: 3,016 Forumite
    Also - re their bags you have to ask for them and they hand them over very begrudgingly - like they have some kind of targets not to give them out or something! You just cant win. It's a horrible, unfriendly place anyway with really poor customer service but they have the monopoly on the area which is unfortunate. I really wanted to say I'd never darken their door again but knew i'd probably be slinking in next week to buy milk and bread lol!
    MANAGED TO CLEAR A 3K OVERDRAFT IN ONE FRUGAL, SUPER CHARGED MONEY EARNING MONTH!:j
    £10 a day challenge Aug £408.50, Sept £90
    Weekly.
    155/200
    "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, It's compromise that moves us along."
  • RoxieW
    RoxieW Posts: 3,016 Forumite
    ema-o - I would be interested to know if the rules they were telling me are wrong - i'd really like nothing better then to let them know. Plus - with your husband - the supervisor said, once asked, they cannot serve without being shown id so one of them must be wrong.
    thanks
    MANAGED TO CLEAR A 3K OVERDRAFT IN ONE FRUGAL, SUPER CHARGED MONEY EARNING MONTH!:j
    £10 a day challenge Aug £408.50, Sept £90
    Weekly.
    155/200
    "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, It's compromise that moves us along."
  • floss2
    floss2 Posts: 8,030 Forumite
    edited 28 January 2010 at 2:35PM
    RoxieW wrote: »
    ... Several things have upset me this week but the one that has annoyed me the most is my local supermarket....

    ...2nd incident - yesterday - wouldnt serve me for a bottle of red wine....The woman behind the till was very snooty with me and said that if i was 'desperate for wine' I could go home and get my passport. ....

    ....I'd complain but I dont think it would get me anywhere - would probably get blacklisted as a trouble causer as well.(

    Firstly, a lot of supermarkets HAVE to ask for ID if the staff do not think you look over 30 - it's the Think 30 rule, and has been brought in to stop prosecutions for selling to minors (this can actually lose a supermarket its licence, as happened here about 6 months ago when a Tesco Express lost theirs for 4 weeks). Maybe you could get a Citizen Card to prove your age - less worry if it gets lost than a passport or driving licence.

    Secondly, I think you SHOULD complain - store manager never know if there is a problem if they don't hear about them from customers. Write & put down just what you wrote here, and tell them how long you've shopped there, and how embarassed you felt after being asked to prove your shopping etc.

    And finally, good on you for getting help with your PND - I know it's not easy, and don't let these incidents knock your well-being :grouphug:
  • floss2
    floss2 Posts: 8,030 Forumite
    ema_o wrote: »
    Oh and just seen your other post about refusing your friend because it was for you - now that is just petty. And it used to be that you could get a second opinion (I used to when I worked in a pub sometimes) but maybe that has changed now!

    It's actually illegal to sell alcohol to someone if you know that it is for someone else who has not been able to prove they are over 18. Petty, maybe, but someone can lose their job over this.

    I was at risk (as was the check-out person) when buying booze for my 17 y.o. son - now I take it as a compliment (but I am a forty-something!)
  • It's very understandable to feel victimised and embarrassed when we're not feeling totally 100%. I suspect if you were feeling 100% it might be easier for you to have shrugged this off and laughed about how ridiculously these people have behaved, never mind being treated rudely by someone with an agenda you cannot know and shouldn't have to care about. An awful lot of folk are feeling very insecure in their jobs right now and are probably following orders from on high to the very letter even if they actually know in their hearts that what they are being asked to do is daft and pointless.

    I'd be seriously considering not spending a farthing in that business if I could avoid it until I felt better about what happened.
  • bestpud
    bestpud Posts: 11,048 Forumite
    RoxieW wrote: »
    ema-o - I would be interested to know if the rules they were telling me are wrong - i'd really like nothing better then to let them know. Plus - with your husband - the supervisor said, once asked, they cannot serve without being shown id so one of them must be wrong.
    thanks

    That is correct as far as I am aware.

    It's definitely an offence to serve alcohol to someone if you suspect it is intended for someone who is underage anyway.

    It's to stop kids being refused and then asking an adult to go and buy it for them.

    I have to warn you as well that my dd was asked for proof of her age to accept our online shop a while ago and there was no age restricted items in there.

    The guy was fine when I came to the door but said they are supposed to check the person receiving the shopping is over 18 and they now do that by applying the 'over 25 rule'.

    I think it is just infortunate you've had these three things happen quite close togther tbh.

    The milk powder incident seems ok to me and I'd expect to be asked if I walked out with them in the bottom of the pushchair. A security guard will not know every item they stock in the store.

    The age thing is something that happens all the time and people who are continuously asked tend to just carry ID in my experience. Some find it flattering... ;)

    I can't see how making a fuss will give you a less embarrassing shopping experience tbh!

    They aren't 'harrassing you' imo so there is no cause for complaint - it's just unfortunate and will hopefully not happen again...?

    Just to say as well, your GP cannot 'force' you onto any medication so if you really don't want it then say no. Sometimes though the biggest hurdle in overcoming depression is taking responsibility for your illness and recovery and I am sure she wouldn't recommend them without good reason.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 454.2K Spending & Discounts
  • 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177.5K Life & Family
  • 258.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.