MSE Parents Club Part 10

elle_gee

money_maker wrote: »

You having a relaxing morning elle ?? Or doing some major organising ??

Relaxing morning pottering about at home, then nipping into work to drop off my friend's birthday present then to training (starts half an hour earlier today cos we got into a debate about c-sections last week and overran! :cool:). Then nipping into town to the bank and to get my Mum's birthday card. No idea what to get her and it's her birthday on Monday! Then back here to pick OH and Rhys' tea up, then to Mum's for tea and for OH to fix my uncle's laptop. Then finally home! *phew*

My_Fathers_Daughter

Millies Mum - a feeding group, as opposed to a BF group, sounds good but I can't seem to express it with my fingers this morning!!

Here goes - I think there can be an 'elitism' attached to BF mothers, almost a 'middle-classness' which IMHO is just pure snobbery. I remember chatting at one Booby Group to a girl who had 'turned to formula in desperation' and I was glared at for saying that 'formula is not failure' and telling the girl to remember that the odd bottle of formula doesn't cancel out the benefits of BF'ing. As I saw it I was being inclusive and supporting the woman and, most importantly, telling her the important thing that she needed to hear - in the long run it doesn't really matter!!!

This is the reason that I didn't carry on to do a Peer-Supporters Group. I am obviously pro-BF, I am still feeding my nearly 11 month old, but I can't stand all the elitist b0ll0x that goes with it. Practically every Booby Group you go to (and I have done the rounds) is full of mothers who are slightly older and usually have good jobs (opinion only). Which is great for me, I met some good friends, but it is not inclusive at all in the way that a surestart centre should aim to be.


I would not for a second suggest that BF mothers don't need a lot of support, I was extremely lucky in having hardly any problems, but maybe to make an all-inclusive group would allow people to see that BF is not about being 'holier than thou' FF is not about being 'unnatural' or 'selfish' (terms I have heard used) and that we are all just mothers trying to cope and do our very best for our kids.


As I said, I am not expressing myself very well and the above is in no way aimed at anyone on here, more about my experiences from the Surestart centres I have visited.

weezl74

Boobie groups- middle class in all sorts of ways excluding sandwich fillings MFD?

SusanC_2

weezl74 wrote: »

I feel the whole midwifery/HV/medical profession need to seriously consider the ramifications of the decision to let the rule be 'don't promote Formula feeding' because of the effects that this has.
...
So would it not be much more forward thinking to have feeding support groups which show mums who need to make the decision to FF for whatever reason, how to closely match the BF experience for the baby, just at an attachment level?

I agree and I wonder if the feeling of having "failed" has an influence on attachment?

feelinggood wrote: »

I was talking to my Mum about breastfeeding yesterday, and how funny it is that I'm so militant about breastfeeding. She never said 'Breast is best' or anything like that, but breastfeeding was always the norm - I saw hundreds of women feeding when my Mum was a La Leche Leader. I asked her about me becoming a LLL because of my lack of sympathy and she said she sometimes found it frustrating. She said she tried not to pass on too much pro-breastfeeding attitude to me so I could make my own choices, but even so I'm pretty militant.

My mum breastfed all of us (until around six months) and I had no idea that most people didn't breastfeed until after Alice was born. I just thought it was the norm. It was only really when I was looking into weaning ages and started reading the infant feeding surveys and random WHO reports etc. that I fully appreciated the extent of formula feeding.

feelinggood wrote: »

I'm also suprised at how much of a pro-breastfeeding and pro attachment parenting person OH has turned into. He is a complete convert!

I think I indoctrinated my OH during pregnancy. I'm so glad I did because without his support I don't think I would have made it through the early days. I've now managed to get him to agree to co-sleeping with the next one but only on condition that we have a snuggle nest or similar.

SugarSpun wrote: »

After 44 hours of labour?! I'd have set her on fire, I think. My 13 was bad enough, I can't imagine that length of time. Well done you.

You always make me laugh when you say things like that.

weezl74

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

... FF is not about being 'unnatural' or 'selfish' (terms I have heard used) and that we are all just mothers trying to cope and do our very best for our kids.

Thank you :A

The worst selfishness comment for me was day 2 when we went to the hospital for Fergie to have a full check.

Senior MW asked to look at me feed. I tried for about a minute, Tears coming down my face and biting my fist (DH says I drew blood) to try to hang in there. Then I said: I'm sorry I'm just going to have to pause, and popped my finger in his mouth to gently break the suction.

MW pushes him back on roughly (ouch in spades) and says:

"the thing is, it's not all about you anymore Darling"

hurtful to someone like me at so many levels.

weezl74

SusanC wrote: »

I agree and I wonder if the feeling of having "failed" has an influence on attachment?

YES! great point

It also made me feel like I couldn't justify being the key feeder or to sometimes take fergus away from a big group and just feed to him and chat gently to him.

MIL said: Oh well since he's not BF I can do the bottles this weekend

I dumbly nodded and then watched her hold the bottle with the airflow hole in the wrong place every feed and then get painful trapped wind.

I also ended up making guests cups of tea and chocolate brownies while they bottle fed fergus. Whilst desperately wanting it to be the other way round but feeling I couldn't justify it.

SusanC_2

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

Here goes - I think there can be an 'elitism' attached to BF mothers, almost a 'middle-classness' which IMHO is just pure snobbery. I remember chatting at one Booby Group to a girl who had 'turned to formula in desperation' and I was glared at for saying that 'formula is not failure' and telling the girl to remember that the odd bottle of formula doesn't cancel out the benefits of BF'ing. As I saw it I was being inclusive and supporting the woman and, most importantly, telling her the important thing that she needed to hear - in the long run it doesn't really matter!!!

I think that balance is needed between encouraging breastfeeding (which can be hindered by giving formula) and supporting how things pan out in real life. When we gave Alice some formula on night three I was desperate because I was so sore. However it was also very stressful and upsetting because all the information you are given makes out that if you do this then you won't be able to breastfeed any more which is not true. My midwife was very good about it but the weekend one wasn't.

It's interesting looking at the breastfeeding demographic because it varies in different countries. In Kuwait it is poor illiterate mothers who breastfeed (because they are at home and they can't afford formula and even if they could probably wouldn't be able to read the instructions) and it is the more well educated mothers who formula feed (because they can afford it and they go back to work).

three2be

weezl74 wrote: »

MW pushes him back on roughly (ouch in spades) and says:

"the thing is, it's not all about you anymore Darling"

eh excuse me slaps MW
cheeky mare, don't these people realize the effect their blaze attitude can have:mad:

Millie's_Mum

I havent' got time at the mo to respond to everyone so this is just my initial reaction (My neighbour has a problem with his drains this morning and apparantly it involves taking up my drive to sort it out) but all your points are really helpful to me.

Feelie I think the instructions being on the tin is neither here nor there, I'm sure you read an awful lot of 'instructions' on BF before you had Toby, it didn't turn out to really follow the 'instructions' did it?

MFD I didn't know about Hubby either, hes a big boy though and as you say you are going to have enough on your plate without visiting too, Can't think of anything to take into hospital although it might be nice if you wrote to him whilst he's in there (a proper letter)

Its a one group only deal so if it was decided it had to be a BF group then that would be it (theres no option to have two groups) and all the many people who need help and support with ALL aspects of feeding ie FF/Weaning would be excluded, what MFD says about feeling like her BF club being unwelcoming is very valid and is also my experience of similar things.

Plus I really wouldn't want two groups, how elitist would that be? You can't come to this group because you do not BF.but I can! If there are BF people who would object to have FF people there then I'm not sure I'd want to go to that group if I was BF or not!

weezl74

elle_gee wrote: »

Relaxing morning pottering about at home, then nipping into work to drop off my friend's birthday present then to training (starts half an hour earlier today cos we got into a debate about c-sections last week and overran! :cool:). Then nipping into town to the bank and to get my Mum's birthday card. No idea what to get her and it's her birthday on Monday! Then back here to pick OH and Rhys' tea up, then to Mum's for tea and for OH to fix my uncle's laptop. Then finally home! *phew*

Hope training is good today elle, and hope inspiration strikes for your mum