Dont know which way to turn !!

Pollycat

cathy2702 wrote: »

Have you had your father throughout your life or an absent father?

This is what you know you would prefer and could deal with as an adult, but have you been through this with your father or with your children?

My biological father did not pay a penny for my upkeep, nor did he send Christmas/Birthday cards and presents (although his Mum did until she died).

Now in my mid-fifties, I have never missed that connection with my father. If he spoke to me today, I would politely tell him I want nothing to do with him.

My Mum married a wonderful man (when I was 7) who has been my DAD.

cathy2702 wrote: »

Why's it left to the mother to make the best of the situation - this child is as much the mans as it is hers?
You're assuming that there IS a child and that the OP's OH IS the father.
From what I've read, I'm not at all convinced that this is the case.

Also why is a financial responsibility more important than a moral one?!
I don't think the poster that you replied to actually said that.

I'm really shocked at some of the attitudes - no wonder the world is in such a crap place now, people have lost their morals and society is falling apart!
Imho some of the reasons that the world is such a crap place right now because the legal system is not dealing with criminals, young children are allowed to run wild because
teachers etc are not allowed to disclipline them (and I don't mean hitting them), some young adults take drugs and feel it is acceptable to break into other people's houses and steal items they've worked hard to buy or mug old ladies and take their pension money.
I think the statement that the OP's OH saying he is willing to financially contribute but doesn't want contact pales into insignificance as a contributory factor in the demise of today's society. :cool:

Zazen999

cathy2702 wrote: »

Can you imagine how hard it is to tell your child, 'I don't know where you dad is', or 'dad doesn't want to be your friend'. It's not that my child isn't loved, she has a huge extended family and has my partner as her 'dad' from she was a few months old but to her already at this young age, she is aware that her biological dad didn't want her.

I think this is one of the saddest things I have ever read. Your poor daughter. Talk about sticking the knife in.

euronorris

cathy2702 wrote: »

Why's it left to the mother to make the best of the situation - this child is as much the mans as it is hers?

Also why is a financial responsibility more important than a moral one?!

I'm really shocked at some of the attitudes - no wonder the world is in such a crap place now, people have lost their morals and society is falling apart!

I completely see where you're coming from. But try looking at it from his point of view:

Both of them made the mistake of not using protection (either that, or the protection failed).

Neither of them discussed the possibility of having a child together. They'd only been together a couple weeks. It was supposed to be just a fling.

She finds out she's pregnant and tells him. She wants it, he doesn't. At this point, the choice is entirely hers how to proceed. No one could force her to have an abortion or give up the child for adoption.

She chose to keep the baby, against his wishes.

He made it clear that he didn't want another child, but she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy anyway. That was her choice, not his, but it is essentially then forced on him.

I'm not saying his reaction is right or wrong, but I really don't think the situation is as black and white as some would like to believe. There is no easy answer here.

Zazen999

cathy2702 wrote: »

I think I responded to this, thanks

You're welcome. I'm going to use it in my book; I needed a cutting line and that's definitely it.

Zazen999

cathy2702 wrote: »

Ok, there is no need to keep attacking me. I've explained as best as I can without hijacking this thread that it's a difficult situation to explain and I'm probably using the wrong language and words to describe how I deal and explain things to my daughter.

Please do not feel sorry for her, she is above average in every aspect of her life, she is full of confidence, full of beauty and full of fun & laughter. She does not require pity, and I certainly don't require sarcasm or judgement. Please feel free to contact me by private mail if you want to discuss further, alternatively if you have any helpful suggestions or advice I welcome them also

It may be difficult to explain but telling a child their parent doesn't want to be their friend, and not seeing how bad that is - is one of the saddest things I've ever read.

I don't want to discuss it further - my helpful suggestion would be to not do it.

neneromanova

euronorris wrote: »

He made it clear that he didn't want another child, but she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy anyway. That was her choice, not his, but it is essentially then forced on him.

But him and his current partner were either trying or got pregnant but sadly lost it....

mrcow

cathy2702 wrote: »

In your opinion, and in mine it is not

Without getting into a very long and detailed explanation, and to avoid hijacking the OP's thread, I hope this answers what ever question you had, as you left a question mark

No my question mark was in lieu of the "confused" smilie which I would most certainly have inserted. ie. Confused as to how any intelligent being would think for one moment that this is an acceptable thing to be saying to a six year old kid.

It is not your kid's fault or problem that his father doesn't want anything to do with you. What you are saying to that child is wholly inappropriate.

euronorris

neneromanova wrote: »

But him and his current partner were either trying or got pregnant but sadly lost it....

So, it's a different relationship, so completely different situation.

He wants a baby with his current partner, but he didn't want one with this other woman. And he was clear about this with her.

red_devil

bloody nora all this cos people want to s*** around!

jackomk

neneromanova wrote: »

But him and his current partner were either trying or got pregnant but sadly lost it....

We were not actually together when OH had his "fling". We had lost our baby the previous year. Our pregnancy was a happy accident, as explained in one of my earlier posts.