Dont know which way to turn !!

jackomk

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

You say you have had a text to say the baby was born. Was it really? Or is she lying and trying to put a strain on your relationship (or just being psycho?!)

Before the DNA test, confirm there is an actual child.

These have been my thoughts exactly. Especially as there had been little or no contact for 7 months. I had my doubts from the start. When she first announced the pregnancy he did go to see her to try and get things sorted, but all she did was argue with him about the fact he wouldnt move 150 miles to be with her. Once the pregnancy was mentioned it was never bought up again by her for 2 months !! The pregnancy also was only thrown in when he told her he wouldnt be seeing her anymore. He had kept urging her to see a doctor but she kept putting it off. None of it rings true to me, but maybe thats just wishful thinking, so I want to be prepared for the reality

Morgan_Ree

jackomk wrote: »

I have asked him what happens now, and he said he will support her financially, but has no intention of seeing the baby, which he made clear from the start. I know there will be people out there who are going to say this is wrong and he should be taking responsibility, but at the end of the day, what kind of father can he be living so far away.

Distance has nothing to do with it
The fact is your partner is a pathetic coward who made a baby now wants nothing to do with him/her (not it)

My ex is in the army, lives in Germany so only sees our son a few times a year
He still manges to be an amazing dad despite distance! He talks to his son everynight either on the phone or on the webcam
Even when our little boy was a baby I'd put the phone to his ear just so he could hear his daddys voice
It might not have made a difference but atleast my ex was trying!

As for the little or no contact throughout the pregnancy it hardly means she's making it up
She got dumped then found out she was pregnant. I imagine she was pretty !!!!ed with your partner so can understand her not exactly wanting to speak to him, or you for that matter

Your partner should call her, ask for atleast a picture, grow some balls and take some responsibilty for the child
Get that part out the way before asking for a DNA test

euronorris

To be fair though, Morgan, it could also be all made up by this girl. I'm not saying it is, it's just a possibility.

I remember, years ago now, when my brother ended a relationship with a girl she suddenly claimed to be pregnant. But, when he asked to be involved etc but explained there would still be no relationship between him and her, she came clean and admitted it was all a lie to try and win him back.

It's not right, but some girls/women will do it.

Morgan_Ree

euronorris wrote: »

To be fair though, Morgan, it could also be all made up by this girl. I'm not saying it is, it's just a possibility.

I remember, years ago now, when my brother ended a relationship with a girl she suddenly claimed to be pregnant. But, when he asked to be involved etc but explained there would still be no relationship between him and her, she came clean and admitted it was all a lie to try and win him back.

It's not right, but some girls/women will do it.

Yeah you're right, she could be making it all up
But surely the bloke should be giving this other woman the benefit of the doubt?
Seeing as he wants 'nothing to do with it' it's not exactly going to make a difference to his life if it turns out the baby doesn't exist

ninky_2

the truth is that your relationship has been rocky. although you both intend to make a go of it for keeps now there is no guarantee of this. if one or both of you decided to finish the relationship you'd be free to do so. on the other hand, this child will be your partners son or daughter for life. nothing can alter that reality. whether he intended to or not his actions have brought another life into this world and that life deserves to have the best from both parents.

get over your possessive feelings towards your partner - and the desire to control him in his dealings with the mother of his child. if you cannot deal with him being a father to this child then i suggest you end the relationship now.

jackomk

ninky wrote: »

the truth is that your relationship has been rocky. although you both intend to make a go of it for keeps now there is no guarantee of this. if one or both of you decided to finish the relationship you'd be free to do so. on the other hand, this child will be your partners son or daughter for life. nothing can alter that reality. whether he intended to or not his actions have brought another life into this world and that life deserves to have the best from both parents.

get over your possessive feelings towards your partner - and the desire to control him in his dealings with the mother of his child. if you cannot deal with him being a father to this child then i suggest you end the relationship now.

Yes our relationship was rocky, with good reason. I fell pregnant by him year before last after multiple miscarriages and being told I couldnt have anymore children. We lost the baby and I struggled so much with my feelings I pushed him away. Im not a possesive person so I think thats quite a harsh judgement of me. I am willing to do whatever is needed to allow him to have a relationship with this child if thats what he wants. If that means stepping back then so be it. BUT, I am part of his life so in essence part of the childs life too. No I cant say its forever, I would like to think it is but I am a realist. I thought my 17 year marriage would be forever.

red_devil

jackomk wrote: »

Apologies in advance for the long post, please bear with me, I just feel the need to get this off my chest.

I have been with my partner for a few years now. Early last year we split for a while (my choice) and both met other people, but stayed in contact throughout. Mine lasted only a month or so and his was a 2 week fling. We both realized how much we loved each other and got back together, making plans for the future. We were honest with each other about what had happened while we were not together. 3 weeks after we got back together he got a call from his "fling" to say she was pregnant. We talked, screamed, cried etc, and he said that although he would support her financially he really didnt want to be a dad again. She was adamant she was going to have the baby with or without him, but he was honest with her from the start about what role he would be playing. To be honest, my impression was that she didnt really want a baby, just a relationship with him. She had moved away and asked him to move with her, 150 miles away before any mention of a pregnancy !!

To me things didnt add up and maybe it was wishful thinking, but I wondered if she really was pregnant at all. Anyway, over the last 7 months he got the odd abusive text from her, but no mention of a baby. Till last week, when she text him to say she it had been born

I have asked him what happens now, and he said he will support her financially, but has no intention of seeing the baby, which he made clear from the start. I know there will be people out there who are going to say this is wrong and he should be taking responsibility, but at the end of the day, what kind of father can he be living so far away. He has no intention of having a relationship with this woman just for the sake of it.

We are both older, with grown up children and were looking forward to slowing down work commitments etc to be able to enjoy "our time".

Im not sure really what im looking for here, maybe someone out there has been through similar. Im just not sure how to even begin dealing with the way I feel

poor child sorry i think its awful people sleeping around and then not taking any responsibility?

The child deserves to see his dad and you should encourage it too its not the childs fault.

How many more stories will we read like this!

Minxy_Bella

jackomk wrote: »

Yes our relationship was rocky, with good reason. I fell pregnant by him year before last after multiple miscarriages and being told I couldnt have anymore children. We lost the baby and I struggled so much with my feelings I pushed him away. Im not a possesive person so I think thats quite a harsh judgement of me. I am willing to do whatever is needed to allow him to have a relationship with this child if thats what he wants. If that means stepping back then so be it. BUT, I am part of his life so in essence part of the childs life too. No I cant say its forever, I would like to think it is but I am a realist. I thought my 17 year marriage would be forever.

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. Do you think maybe that this is why you have reacted so strongly to the news of some other women having your OH's baby? I mean, I can appreciate that for any woman it would be a bit galling initially (even though you two weren't together at the time) but it might explain your hostility, mightn't it?

mrcow

I know someone who went out with a complete nutcase who claimed she was having a baby by him. An absolute sick-minded loon she was. The upset she caused by her lies and cruelty was absolutely disgusting. She only got caught out when some of his friends unexpectedly travelled a couple of hundred miles to "see" her and caught her out.

He does need to find out whether or not there is a baby first and then again if it is his.

If it is, then poor kid - to have a Dad who wants nothing to do with you is not what they deserve.

jackomk

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. Do you think maybe that this is why you have reacted so strongly to the news of some other women having your OH's baby? I mean, I can appreciate that for any woman it would be a bit galling initially (even though you two weren't together at the time) but it might explain your hostility, mightn't it?

Yes you're right, I feel sick to my stomach. My hostility really stems from the fact that to be perfectly honest, I still dont believe it, but as I have said before, maybe thats just wishful thinking. I will support him if he wants a relationship with the child, but I dont think its unreasonable to make it clear that I will be involved too. I have accepted what happened to me and dealt with it, but yes it hurts like hell. I keep in mind that there are still others much worse off than me.