Dont know which way to turn !!

kegg_2

If he had acted like a man when first told of the pregnancy rather than sticking his fingers in his ears and saying he didn't want to know then he would know if there really was a baby.
He might still want a dna test but at least he would know that the child actualy existed.

Pollycat

kegg wrote: »

If he had acted like a man when first told of the pregnancy rather than sticking his fingers in his ears and saying he didn't want to know then he would know if there really was a baby.
He might still want a dna test but at least he would know that the child actualy existed.

Where do you get the fact he didn't 'act like a man' from?

From reading the OP's posts, her OH has been clear he would support this child financially but didn't want to see her/him.
And from the OP's post below, he didn't 'stick his fingers in his ears', he tried to sort things out.
The more I read from the OP, the more I'd be insisting on a DNA test - once the fact that this child does actually exist has been proved, that is.

jackomk wrote: »

These have been my thoughts exactly. Especially as there had been little or no contact for 7 months. I had my doubts from the start. When she first announced the pregnancy he did go to see her to try and get things sorted, but all she did was argue with him about the fact he wouldnt move 150 miles to be with her. Once the pregnancy was mentioned it was never bought up again by her for 2 months !! The pregnancy also was only thrown in when he told her he wouldnt be seeing her anymore. He had kept urging her to see a doctor but she kept putting it off. None of it rings true to me, but maybe thats just wishful thinking, so I want to be prepared for the reality

pigpen

lauren_1 wrote: »

Text her your OH's full name, Address and NI number, thats all she needs to get a csa case up and running......DO NOT SEND HER ANY MONEY ANY OTHERWAY. The child needs to exist for a csa claim to be made and they can deal with DNA tests.

If they do that there can be an attachment of earnings order and money can be taken at source whether the baby is his or not.. just on the mother saying it is his baby... there is another MSE member going through this at the moment when the baby has not a chance of being this mans..

I'd suggest seeing a solicitor, they can get a court order demanding a paternity test before any money exchanges hands.. once it has gone if the baby is proved not to be his you won't get the money back!!

If he doesn't want to be part of the baby's life.. so what.. there are plenty of children out there who have never met their dad and are none the worse for it.. I'd rather know for certain my dad was uninterested in me than he was forced to see me begrudgingly.. They don't NEED 2 parents, just someone to love them and provide their needs.

kegg_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Where do you get the fact he didn't 'act like a man' from?

From reading the OP's posts, her OH has been clear he would support this child financially but didn't want to see her/him.
And from the OP's post below, he didn't 'stick his fingers in his ears', he tried to sort things out.
The more I read from the OP, the more I'd be insisting on a DNA test - once the fact that this child does actually exist has been proved, that is.

He doesn't even know if the child really exists so how is that trying to sort things out and acting responsibly?

JBD

I agree, the 1st step is to establish paternity of the child, then to take legal advice. Also I have to disagree with some people, if this man is not interested in taking a fathers role then there is no point in trying to force him. It may be better for him to make a clean break [whilst meeting his financial responsibility] than to make a half hearted attempt to be a Dad with no real interest. Therefore the mother is free to find another father figure . There is no need to be negative about him, if that is the situation then it is best to be honest and for the mother to make the best of the situation.

Person_one

OP this is slightly off topic but seeing as your partner had unprotected sex with this woman, have you both had sti tests?

euronorris

Person_one wrote: »

OP this is slightly off topic but seeing as your partner had unprotected sex with this woman, have you both had sti tests?

A VERY important question!

Zazen999

jackomk wrote: »

Thanks. We were waiting for the dust to settle a bit before suggesting DNA again. It was met with a barrage of abuse last time, which I kind of expected.

So what! You can't just go round telling people you've had their child and if you get abuse then it is likely that he isn't the dad.

Just say 'sure thing sweetcheeks, DNA to confirm and then we'll take it from there'.

Errata

kegg wrote: »

He doesn't even know if the child really exists so how is that trying to sort things out and acting responsibly?

I quite agree, the first responsible thing to insist on is sight of the birth certificate.

Pollycat

kegg wrote: »

He doesn't even know if the child really exists so how is that trying to sort things out and acting responsibly?

According to the OP (and that's all we have to go on here), he DID try to sort things out - the OP says:

jackomk wrote: »

These have been my thoughts exactly. Especially as there had been little or no contact for 7 months. I had my doubts from the start. When she first announced the pregnancy he did go to see her to try and get things sorted, but all she did was argue with him about the fact he wouldnt move 150 miles to be with her. Once the pregnancy was mentioned it was never bought up again by her for 2 months !! The pregnancy also was only thrown in when he told her he wouldnt be seeing her anymore. He had kept urging her to see a doctor but she kept putting it off. None of it rings true to me, but maybe thats just wishful thinking, so I want to be prepared for the reality

I didn't mention 'acting responsibly in my post that you quoted, but imho if this child DOES exist and if this child IS his and he contributes financially, then that is acting responsibly (at least to me).

You can debate the morality of not wishing to have anything to do with a child that you've fathered, but I personally feel the child will be better off not having contact with someone who doesn't wish to have any contact with him/her.

And I suggested that the OP's OH make sure the child DOES exist and IS his, rather than taking someone's word for it.