Dont know which way to turn !!

paddy's_mum

Fair play to the mother for not getting rid of the pregnancy but she is, after all, just as responsible as the man for their carelessness. The 'move away with me' after just two weeks is making alarm bells tinkle in the background of my thoughts. Is it really the norm today to meet, mate and move in only 14 days?

She may be offended by the DNA test suggestion but it is also quite obvious that at the moment, everything is supposition and guesswork. Nothing concrete can be sorted out until there is certainty one way or the other, whether the mother likes it or not.

As to whether the man should shoulder his responsibilities and be a 'proper father', there is another aspect of that to think about. Maybe an unknown and absent father is marginally better and less damaging than a man who, all your life, makes it clear that he's not truly interested, that you are deeply unwanted, and that he feels trapped.

Not an easy situation for any of you and no one right answer. Good luck.

Errata

It seems to me that a sensible first step would be to ask for a copy of the birth certificate. If this request is refused, ask for the child's name, DOB and where the birth was registered and obtain a copy from there. A birth certificate will show that the father's name has been left blank.
Then contact a family law solicitor to understand the legal position.

jackomk

Errata wrote: »

It seems to me that a sensible first step would be to ask for a copy of the birth certificate. If this request is refused, ask for the child's name, DOB and where the birth was registered and obtain a copy from there. A birth certificate will show that the father's name has been left blank.
Then contact a family law solicitor to understand the legal position.

Can she register under my partners name without him present ??

busiscoming2

Agree with the above posters and OP about the baby potentially being made up. A DNA test has to be a must, if she slept with your husband within a fortnight, who else did she sleep with just before or after?
I don't condone him not wanting anything to do with the baby, but at least he was upfront with her at the beginning. But if he was so sure he didn't want to risk a pregnancy, where was the condom?

jackomk

busiscoming2 wrote: »

Agree with the above posters and OP about the baby potentially being made up. A DNA test has to be a must, if she slept with your husband within a fortnight, who else did she sleep with just before or after?
I don't condone him not wanting anything to do with the baby, but at least he was upfront with her at the beginning. But if he was so sure he didn't want to risk a pregnancy, where was the condom?

We have had that discussion many times believe me

neneromanova

jackomk wrote: »

Can she register under my partners name without him present ??

Nope, The father has to be there at the time of signing to get his name onto it or it is just left blank.

zfrl

neneromanova wrote: »

Nope, The father has to be there at the time of signing to get his name onto it or it is just left blank.

Unless the parents are married. Not in this case I know.

simpywimpy

To avoid being cast as the "baddy" in all this I would step aside as much as you can and let them sort it themselves. Otherwise, you might find you are the focus of blame by the woman (and thereafter the child) for stopping any relationship or even by hubby for pushing him into something he didnt want.

At the end of the day, I fully sympathise with your position in all this but you can neither make the situation go away or force your hubby to so something he doesnt want to.

You can still be supportive without being involved directly and I really do wish you the best of luck with it all.

Pollycat

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

Yeah you're right, she could be making it all up
But surely the bloke should be giving this other woman the benefit of the doubt?
Seeing as he wants 'nothing to do with it' it's not exactly going to make a difference to his life if it turns out the baby doesn't exist

I can't quite see why the bloke should give this other woman the benefit of the doubt.


If I were the OP, I'd want to be 100% sure that

1. there WAS a baby
2. that he/she WAS actually fathered by my OH

I'd expect my OH to feel the same way too.

I think some of the things the OP said in her first post (highlighted in red) are interesting.
After the first announcement of the pregnancy, no mention of the unborn child until after he/she was born?

This other woman could have got pregnant by someone else but has decided she wants this guy she had a 2 week affair with to pay for his/her upbringing.

OP
I think you should support your husbnad in whatever he wants to do here - once you're both sure the child is his.

jackomk wrote: »

Apologies in advance for the long post, please bear with me, I just feel the need to get this off my chest.

I have been with my partner for a few years now. Early last year we split for a while (my choice) and both met other people, but stayed in contact throughout. Mine lasted only a month or so and his was a 2 week fling. We both realized how much we loved each other and got back together, making plans for the future. We were honest with each other about what had happened while we were not together. 3 weeks after we got back together he got a call from his "fling" to say she was pregnant. We talked, screamed, cried etc, and he said that although he would support her financially he really didnt want to be a dad again. She was adamant she was going to have the baby with or without him, but he was honest with her from the start about what role he would be playing.
To be honest, my impression was that she didnt really want a baby, just a relationship with him. She had moved away and asked him to move with her, 150 miles away before any mention of a pregnancy !!

To me things didnt add up and maybe it was wishful thinking, but I wondered if she really was pregnant at all. Anyway, over the last 7 months he got the odd abusive text from her, but no mention of a baby. Till last week, when she text him to say she it had been born
I have asked him what happens now, and he said he will support her financially, but has no intention of seeing the baby, which he made clear from the start. I know there will be people out there who are going to say this is wrong and he should be taking responsibility, but at the end of the day, what kind of father can he be living so far away. He has no intention of having a relationship with this woman just for the sake of it.

We are both older, with grown up children and were looking forward to slowing down work commitments etc to be able to enjoy "our time".

Im not sure really what im looking for here, maybe someone out there has been through similar. Im just not sure how to even begin dealing with the way I feel

lauren_1

Text her your OH's full name, Address and NI number, thats all she needs to get a csa case up and running......DO NOT SEND HER ANY MONEY ANY OTHERWAY. The child needs to exist for a csa claim to be made and they can deal with DNA tests.

Or the other option is to ask for her address to send a 'cheque' for the baby..and then stake out her house for a few hours to see if there is any eveidence of a baby.