The giving up/cutting down alcohol thread part VI

Bubble1379

Miss_Piggy wrote: »

HELP!!!

OH has just told me he's had his daughters Mum on the phone. HIs daughter is badgering her Mum to let her go on the pill!!! :eek: She's only 15!!:eek: She's been seeing a boy since the New Year and "thinks" she's in love. What the HELL do you do in a situation like this!? She's threatened her Mum by saying if she doesn't let her go on the pill she'll go and do it anyway without telling her.

ANy advice from parents of teenagers would be MOST welcome!

This week is getting worse (and to top it all off, the microwave has died!!:rotfl::rotfl:)

Miss P
xx

(EDIT - she's a very naive girl, quite immature for her age and this is her first real boyfriend...and she's got exams coming up....GAH!!!!)

Miss Piggy

This is such a difficult one! My eldest daughter now 30 had been with her boyfriend for nearly 2 years when she asked me the same thing. I went mad and said she had to wait until she was 16, at least. A few weeks later a condom wrapper fell out of her jeans while I was doing the washing.

With hindsight I think I should have been a bit more pragmatic in my daughter’s case, as she was quite mature at that age and in a loving, longish-term relationship.

I guess with your OH’s daughter it is still early days with her boyfriend (although probably doesn’t feel like it to her!) On a positive note she must have a fairly good relationship with her mother to be able to discuss it in the first place – perhaps her mum or your OH could talk to her about taking things a bit more slowly and developing the relationship a bit more. Also, perhaps try to find out if she is being pressured at all by the boyfriend or her peers (i.e. everyone else is doing it)?

It’s probably unlikely, but it is possible she is feeling under pressure and seeking out some ‘boundaries’ from her mum.

It is so difficult because while her parents don’t want to condone what she’s planning to do, an unplanned pregnancy would be far more damaging in the long-term.

Hope it all works out OK.

honeybear_2

Miss P! :eek:

OMG! I have no idea!

Ok, I will ramp down the exclamation marks a bit. I guess if she says she'll do it anyway (which she can) then maybe the best thing to do is talk to her about s*x, relationships etc.

There was stuff on Radio 1 yesterday saying apparently heaps of teenages would have waited longer if their parents had talked to them about all that stuff. I'll see if I can find the link

honeybear_2

Here...

&

here

Miss_Piggy_2

You guys are fab.

HB - I've emailed her the links to those articles, with a note from me asking her to at least wait until she's been down and we can talk to her about this (she lives 30 miles away and we're away this weekend.Typical!)

Bubble - you sound so sensible....please can YOU come and talk to her!?:rotfl::rotfl: I'm afriad that I'll just get all angry and domineering and I don't want to do that. With regards to her Mum, I just feel sex etc is a subject that isn't at all ignored in that house (they have obscene bumper stickers on thier cars and her mum lists her fave past-time on facebook as "good sex":eek::eek::eek:) But OH's daughter, despite all that, is still very naive and young. I think what you say about asking her to go slowly and develop the relationship a bit more is a very good idea...and I will be using those exact words when I speak to her!:T

Thank you guys...I feel a bit calmer now..

Miss P
xx

Lurkio

Miss_Piggy wrote: »

I'm afriad that I'll just get all angry and domineering and I don't want to do that.

no - you don't :cool:

It took me a heck of a lot of years to realise that shouting and ranting at DS1 was futile....... there's much more respect if you stay calm and measured. Almost like you'd thought about what you were saying

fruitycar

14 MAD's please. Beginning to find Mon-Thurs AF not too difficult, but can already hear Friday night bells. This is the first time i have set a target and if I am going to make it I need to do an AF weekend, and I can't remember the last time that happened.

MountainOfDebt_2

Lurkio wrote: »

no - you don't :cool:

It took me a heck of a lot of years to realise that shouting and ranting at DS1 was futile....... there's much more respect if you stay calm and measured. Almost like you'd thought about what you were saying

I agree Lurkio: shouting either raises the stakes a little too much i.e. they start shouting, or it scares them into a shell about the issue. Both of mny girls respond better to getting down to their level (they being small) and calmly asking them to talk to me. Sometimes I still shout, mainly when I have had a drink the night before, but I maintain it really does help and keep them calm and in charge of their emotions.

Dreading teh day I have 'that' talk with them, but know it has to be done.

As an aiside, I read a book the other day called Fat, 40 and fired. Really did hit home on a few fronts, being 40 odd...

Lurkio

MountainOfDebt wrote: »

I agree Lurkio: shouting either raises the stakes a little too much i.e. they start shouting, or it scares them into a shell about the issue. Both of mny girls respond better to getting down to their level (they being small) and calmly asking them to talk to me. Sometimes I still shout, mainly when I have had a drink the night before, but I maintain it really does help and keep them calm and in charge of their emotions.

Dreading teh day I have 'that' talk with them, but know it has to be done.

As an aiside, I read a book the other day called Fat, 40 and fired. Really did hit home on a few fronts, being 40 odd...

I'll see your 40 odd and raise you a 'fired' :rotfl: (and i could stand to lose a pound or several, if I was honest )


*off to amazon I go*

MountainOfDebt_2

Lurkio wrote: »

I'll see your 40 odd and raise you a 'fired' :rotfl: (and i could stand to lose a pound or several, if I was honest )


*off to amazon I go*

Haha, before you do Lurkio, it's about a middle aged man, made redundant who decides to look at his life, effectively. One item alone makes me want to stop drinking and it's the fact he shouts at the kids in the mornings after drinking and that his drinking is out of control: it's the one thing I do, in parenting, that I loathe about myself and that's drinking affects the way I am with the kids. I read that passage on Monday on the flight here and it has deeply affected me.

Miss_Piggy_2

Lurkio wrote: »

Almost like you'd thought about what you were saying

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Now THAT would be a first for me!!:rotfl: