Debt Free by 40 Debt Diary

oakdale_minx

The £100 cheque for the Allocation Questionnaire was cashed today, so my account is loking a bit pitiful now

Phoned up the court about the other allocation questionnaire and they said they are a bit behind but it is with the judge now. Makes it all sound scary.

Boss wasn't in today, so Ithought I could get on with some work. She phoned and made me feel very stupid. I put down the phone and cried. If only I was debt free. I could leave and take a pay cut.

in*the*red_6

Hi OM

Sorry I haven't read your thread fully so it may well have been covered before but have you considered logging a formal grievance against your boss? She shouldn't be making your life this miserable and it sounds like bullying to me.

Best wishes

ITR

oakdale_minx

hiya in the red.

I don't have many choices I'm afraid. I can either

Tell her myself how I feel (not likely!)
tell her how I feel with a third party present (again, not likely!)
or invoke a company policy. This will mean a full investigation, with colleagues I share an office with interviewed. The results will be used and so she will obviously know. My colleagues are all for backing me. However, HR told me that 'this policy does not get anyone the sack, it may just put her secondment into question', so basically I will rock the boat and she will know about it.

There is nothing inbetween. Even my discussion with HR wasn't logged and in the future can't be used as evidence if god forbid anything worse happens.

i've never ever felt like this before. One colleague has said why not go above her head. But that's the Chief Executive. I would feel like I was telling tales if I went to her and said I had concerns.

HR want me to log everything and try to 'sit it out' until her secondment ends in January. Come January, unless there is very good reason, she will be kept on as it is a new post which will be advertised (and last time they advertised it, they didn't even interview as the pay was too poor to attract the right candidiates)

The girl who's post I am also covering through materity leave is absolutely terrified about coming back as she also knows her. She doesn't feel she has a job to come back to because some of it has been farmed out externally.Her maternity leave ends early January, I wouldn't be surprised if she extended it.

I'm just not the kind of person to rock the boat. I'm too respectful for my own good however I am being treated. I had to be virtually dragged to HR to talk initially. I was told 'she is being rude to lots of other people also', which isn't good for her, but I am having to face her being rude, derogatory and downright horrible to me every day.

ZTD

There are other options.

1. You have a go at HR, and get them to formally state (in writing) what consitutes bullying, and what the consequences are for bullying. No more "off the record".
2. You all go down to HR, none of this divide and conquer stuff. You all ask them what the company's policy on bullying is. Unions would be good here.
3. When january comes along, you put in for her job.
4. Tell the Chief Exec. You might feel uncomfortable, but you owe it to yourself and you collegues. Again, a group might be more appropiate. Getting someone to complain about HR's attitude would be good too.

oakdale_minx

Cheers ZTD

She was going to try to tell me off today for not doing enought press releases. I wrote four and she kept very quiet when she hauled me in. I said there was too much work for one person. She said she would 'think creatively' about the situation. Hopefully that doesn't mean a big boot out of the door.

Pooped.

Got a cheque from greasypalm for £44.27. I'll bank that in the morning. There is still £101 in my current a/c and no more bills etc due out. When the greasypalm cheque clears, i'll move some of the £100 onto my CC and when I get my £25 mystery shopping money i'm hoping to still have the remainder of the £100 to also transfer.

Got the notice from citicards that they are transferring the case to my local court. They are trying to get it delayed by saying there is a test case going to happen in London. I've got a letter to send to the judge to say that the case was settled out of court in July and citicards are trying it on . (in legalise if you get my drift!)

Tempted to open the bottle of champagne in the fridge. I've had it a year - Tesco gave me it a year ago because I complained about the non-delivery of shopping and a horrid CS woman. I've been waiting a year for a celebration and there hasn't been anything, so I might just open it for the hell of it!!!!

ZTD

oakdale_minx wrote:

Cheers ZTD

She was going to try to tell me off today for not doing enought press releases. I wrote four and she kept very quiet when she hauled me in. I said there was too much work for one person. She said she would 'think creatively' about the situation. Hopefully that doesn't mean a big boot out of the door.

HA! You're propping her up and you think she's going to get rid?!
Everyone including you has complained about her, and you think the company will allow her to get rid?! Double HA!

oakdale_minx wrote:

I've been waiting a year for a celebration and there hasn't been anything, so I might just open it for the hell of it!!!!

Go to a mirror, say "I'm wonderful", then celebrate that.

in*the*red_6

oakdale_minx wrote:

hiya in the red.

Hi again Oakdale, sorry i didn't manage to reply to you yesterday, my previous job was in HR policy for one of the large banks so just a few of my thoughts on the situation (although I'm no expert)...
I don't have many choices I'm afraid. I can either

Tell her myself how I feel (not likely!)
tell her how I feel with a third party present (again, not likely!)
or invoke a company policy. This will mean a full investigation, with colleagues I share an office with interviewed. The results will be used and so she will obviously know. My colleagues are all for backing me. However, HR told me that 'this policy does not get anyone the sack, it may just put her secondment into question', so basically I will rock the boat and she will know about it.

Don't know how big your company is but you have a dedicated HR department and HR policies. These policies have been written to help employees. This woman, for reasons best known to herself, is bullying you and there should be a specific policy in place regarding bullying and harrassment and a formal grievance procedure. Taking out a formal grievance against her will rock the boat, granted, and she will know about it but what have you got to lose? This woman is trying to destroy your confidence and it seems will ultimately push you out of your job one way or the other if she is allowed to continue. It is wrong that people like this get away with it and, IMHO, you should make it clear to her that you are going to fight her head on. This will not lose you your job and may not lose hers but why should she continue in a seconded position that she is incapable of?
There is nothing inbetween. Even my discussion with HR wasn't logged and in the future can't be used as evidence if god forbid anything worse happens. Do you have a dedicated HR consulant for your department? Even if not, they should be offering you more support than this.

i've never ever felt like this before. One colleague has said why not go above her head. But that's the Chief Executive. I would feel like I was telling tales if I went to her and said I had concerns.

Can understand why you wouldn't want to do this but if the management structure ends with the Chief Exec then she is still responible for ensuring her immediate subordinates are doing their jobs correctly. May be worth having a chat with her first to let her know what has been happening as she would know if a grievance procedure was started anyway.
HR want me to log everything and try to 'sit it out' until her secondment ends in January. Come January, unless there is very good reason, she will be kept on as it is a new post which will be advertised (and last time they advertised it, they didn't even interview as the pay was too poor to attract the right candidiates) Yes, definitely log everything but what will this achieve if no one has the information come January and she is kept on in the role?

The girl who's post I am also covering through materity leave is absolutely terrified about coming back as she also knows her. She doesn't feel she has a job to come back to because some of it has been farmed out externally.Her maternity leave ends early January, I wouldn't be surprised if she extended it. What job will you be returning to if/when the girl on mat leave returns? Will it be in the same team?
I'm just not the kind of person to rock the boat. I'm too respectful for my own good however I am being treated. I had to be virtually dragged to HR to talk initially. I was told 'she is being rude to lots of other people also', which isn't good for her, but I am having to face her being rude, derogatory and downright horrible to me every day.

I know this is the last thing you want to go through but this is affecting both your mental health and your work i'm sure. Why be respectful of this woman? She doesn't deserve your respect. You need to put yourself first and not let her continue to do this to you. I know it's all a lot easier said than done but your colleagues are behind you, at least give it some thought anyway.

Hubby is now kicking me off the computer so apologies if this is badly formatted etc!

Best wishes

ITR

oakdale_minx

hiya both ZTD and in the red - I work for a very large public service organisation. My team is three of us plus the Director (and that includes my friend on maternity leave). Hardly worth having one really, but it ticks a few government boxes. My job is always changing a bit and when my colleague comes back, some of the bits I've inherited will be returned to her, but goodness knows what the situation will be then (January at the earliest)

It is definitely affecting my mental health. When you come off the phone shaking it ain't good. must look at joing the union. Apparently amacus (sp?) is better than UNISON.

I opened the champagne last night. I read the bottle and the shelf life was only a year!! So, that was justification enough for me as I've already had it a year (the old me would have opened it the same day!!!) But, I have made it last two nights and I'm sipping some now with a splash of Summer Fruits cordial in it to pretend it is an exotic cocktail.

Told OH I needed petrol. He gave me his card, but the pay at pump rejected it at one Tesco. He has gone out tonight, so I went to another Tesco and it rejected it again. I paid otherwise I would have been pushing my (big fat old estate car) home. I am concerned if his CC is being rejected, but it does look a bit mangled so maybe that is the problem. Maybe his finances are worse than he is letting on.

Went into Tesco -haven't been in there for ages and was a bit naughty. spent £25 on, erm, bits really. Got a load of cheap garlic bread for the freezer and reduced sausages, as well as some desparately needed toiletries (couldn't squeeze the toothpaste anymore!), but also got some posh crisps, a pack of caramel biscuits and some wine spritzer drink with hibiscus in.

Whoops. I loved hibiscus when I was in Egypt so hoping it is as nice. Also bought a car ice scraper, two teatowels and a pack of two mousemats in the £1 sale. At least I can stop using my paint mixing palette board as a mousemat, it never was that good.

Did £60 on AQA today and only just logged off. Didn't get to the bank to deposit the greasypalm cheque. MUST do that early next week.

Going to investigate quidco tomorrow as I've exhausted all the greasypalm sign up free money.

Might have a reduced discontinued caramel biscuit as a reward with my newly created champagne and cordial cocktail!!

ZTD

oakdale_minx wrote:

It is definitely affecting my mental health. When you come off the phone shaking it ain't good.

No, it isn't. But I'd like you do so something. I'd like you to place yourself in her position (!:eek:!). Let's say you had a subordinate who was better at the job than you, so she was vital to you - how would you:

1. Make her stay
2. Make her do what you tell her, no matter how unreasonable or out of her job spec

Would destroying that's subordinate's self-confidence do that?

Let's assume your subordinate was called the Oakdale Minx.

If you wanted to destroy the confidence of the Oakdale Minx, and you were allowed to say anything you wanted, no matter how untrue/unfair or whatever - what would you say? Remember to hit any weak spots in her psyche that you know about. Is it anything like what your boss says?

Have a think about it when she goes off on one, whether past or future. Try not to *feel* the words - I know it will be hard - but to look at them dispassionately. Think to yourself "what was the intended effect of the sentence/paragraph?". "What is the hidden agenda?" "How is she trying to manipulate me?" "What does she want me to feel like and why?"

oakdale_minx wrote:

must look at joing the union.

NO! You must JOIN the union. None of this looking at it stuff! Monday. Mark it in your diary. Often there is a gap of 13 weeks before they will represent you at tribunals etc - so Monday.

oakdale_minx wrote:

Apparently amacus (sp?) is better than UNISON.

I would suppose that the effectiveness of the various unions vary from site to site. Go with the one with the best reputation where you are. Having said that, I was indirectly involved in a bullying case, and UNISON were involved at a regional level. They were exceedingly crap. YMMV.

oakdale_minx

i've just joined the union.

It will be £9.75 a month by DD. Picked the 7th as the DD date as the other DD dates weren't any good, and I couldn't choose the 1st when most of my others come out.

Went to pick up my dog from the ex's for his walk and my ex gave me three stamps and a sunday paper - bit tight I know, but Imentioned I was popping to get some stamps and he gave me a book of three and said did I want a newspaper and a load of magazines before he put them in the recycling. I gave him a £1 for the stamps which he tried to refuse but I said for him to get Charlie some treats. It was still cheaper than a book of 6 stamps! And a day's worth of reading throw in as well!

The evidence of my old lifestyle is still there. He has three Sunday papers and only reads the sport section in one - he throws the magazines out without even opening them. I said, why not stop them and save money (he was saying he should have been playing golf but couldn't afford it), he said no, because he liked reading the sports section!!! He also asked if I knew how much a second hand laptop would be as he wants to get rid of the PC. He wants to clear some space in the spare room - I said, but would you use a laptop ?(he never uses the PC!!) and he said "no, but it would free up some space!!!" :eek:


I am so glad I am out of that kind of thinking about money and things. I know I still spend a bit of money on 'stuff' but when I was with him, there was so much unnecessary spending - the paper bill was over £20 a month!

ZTD - I'm going to spend some time re-reading your post and have a think about a few things. Thankyou :A