Head in a muddle!

NeedSomeHelp_2

worriedsik wrote: »

There comes a time when a victim who will not protest becomes an accomplice. Don't allow that unhappy person to be you! Good luck.

I think its called co-dependant

paddy's_mum wrote: »

You know, you really ought to call the Police and hand over to them this gun that your husband must be holding to your head! :rolleyes:

I do feel for you, and I agree with belfastgirl that this is a complicated relationship in which not everything is bad and much of value perhaps able to be salvaged but I don't understand why you and your husband are so mis-using alcohol. Instead of enjoying it (and nobody likes their glass or four of wine more than I do!) you're attributing all kinds of abilities and blame to it. Can you really not see that between you, you are in danger?

On what medical advice or common sense opinion did you think that consuming a large [enough to render you unconscious :eek:] amount of booze would help with a major problem with your innards? That booze could have so very easily led to your death if you had peritonitis and were too out of it to call for further help. What damage do you think you are causing to an already in-trouble gall bladder?

For the sake of your health, if for nothing else, please, please stop this drinking for obscene reasons and with such sick results. What you are doing is frankly stupid and highly unhealthy - but perhaps you also believe that the ideal treatment for the person who just had their arm mangled in machinery is a medicinal brandy or that a tot of rum cures cancer!

Bluntly? You seem to have lost any sense of right and wrong, sense or stupidity. You must talk to someone who can help you get your sense of perspective back. If you can't or won't, then the sordid parts of your marriage will simply carry on and the blame for any damage will rest equally on you and your husband.

There comes a time when a victim who will not protest becomes an accomplice. Don't allow that unhappy person to be you! Good luck.

You are both right i am choosing to drink the drink so i am a accomplice. i am going to stop this today and plan on having a talk this evening and maybe some time out of the marriage. I wont be drinking anymore. I dont even like alcohol and until a few months ago hardly ever drank apart from special occassions like Christmas etc

I think i need counselling too and help to make me feel like something again. I have become everything he use to sl@g his ex wife for whilst when we met i was everything that these women are that he flirted with at work.

Thank you all for the help

worriedsik

NeedSomeHelp wrote: »

You are both right i am choosing to drink the drink so i am a accomplice. i am going to stop this today and plan on having a talk this evening and maybe some time out of the marriage. I wont be drinking anymore. I dont even like alcohol and until a few months ago hardly ever drank apart from special occassions like Christmas etc

I think i need counselling too and help to make me feel like something again. I have become everything he use to sl@g his ex wife for whilst when we met i was everything that these women are that he flirted with at work.

Thank you all for the help

You are welcome ...seems you are doing everything to please him inc drinking , he should respect your choices and decisions

maybee you should start by getting a docs apointment and they can refer you to counselling

good luck take care & post back with a progress report xx

Steel_2

The next time he brings vodka home you tip the bottle down the sink or fling the whole bottle on the ground outside the house. The latter will forceably bring it home to him. Whatever you do, do not let that bottle sit inside the house or you may end up relenting the next day or a couple of days later.

Your husband either feels so sexually inadequate he doesn't want you to know how poor his performance is or he is doing something horrible to you while passed out to get his kicks or he really can't be bothered to be loving and is just doing it as an act for relief.

Either way, unacceptable. Absolutely unacceptable.

I truly hope one day you can find someone who loves you enough to show you the pleasure and love that can be experienced in a relationship.

Money_maker

NeedSomeHelp wrote: »

and i swear to god i was so shocked as i knew i had passed out in pain and i cannot remember a single thing about it as i had drunk more then i usually do just to get rid of the pain as i really detest going to hospital. This has played on my mind since hence why i have come on here. I was shocked he had sex with me knowing i was in pain and scared of what the pain was.

OMG, he is a MONSTER. Rarely read something so upsetting on here. I dont care is he is daddy of the year or Mr nice guy during the day.

Listen to these posts and do something today.

And for crying out loud, do not drink any more alcohol. Indeed, I would suggest you also make your own tea/coffee as this creature is not to be trusted.

You are worried about losing this monster? I would be more concerned about any other woman he chose to get involved with.

Save yourself.

Counting_Pennies_2

What is happening with your gall bladder now?

Alcohol cannot help that, the pain will continue when you come out of the drink coma!

You need to look at what you are eating. I too had gall bladder pain. It isn't just fatty food, it is also food with skins on, so any fruit you eat, including apples, pears, grapes etc need to have their skins taken off. This also includes dried fruits I'm afraid!

I had my gall bladder out in the end, but if you can control it through your food you might find that is best.

Please be strong. Don't approach it tonight in an accusationary tone, you will have built up a huge speech and it will throw him, and could come back to you verbally or other. So instead of 'you do' say 'I feel' it makes quite a difference.

hth

emma12345

I have experience about being taken advantage of in this way but don't want to say much about that side of it. However in my experience these men don't change unless you do.

Your husband may love you but he certainly doesn't respect you.

You already know to stop allowing yourself to be encouraged to drink. However in other ways little by little you have to take back control of your life.

These type of men will control you also by trying to stop you working. My OH, even though he had had an affair and ran away at the time still didn't want me to work. He would be aggressive towards the childminder so I lost childcare and so couldn't work, or change his hours so he couldn't take or pick up the children from school etc. I lost 3 jobs this way. It's all about control.

Don't allow this to happen to you otherwise you'll be trapped and miserable for a long time.

Whether the marriage can get back on track or otherwise, you need to regain your independence. Take steps to get back to work if you can and if that's what you want, he probably won't like it but be calm about it and don't give in or you will regret it later.

Let us know how you get on. Good luck.

katebl

Hi NeedSomeHelp, hope you've got on well tonight? Thinking of you. I really was shocked at your posts, you deserve to be treated a lot better!

Mely

Hi op...i hope you are ok. Did you have a chat about things with your husband, as planned?

NeedSomeHelp_2

Hello all,

Wanted to keep you all updated as you have all been good enough to give me good and honest advice.

Over the weekend i showed my husband this thread and your responses to his behaviour. He was very shocked at first, then cried and then was very ashamed of himself.

We had several long talks and agreed no more alcohol for either of us anymore. Neither of us have ever been drinkers so it is not something we will miss.

We have also both agreed to get counselling individually and then together eventually if we decide to stay together. I think we both need help and dont think we can ever be together healthly until we both are well emotionally as individuals. I think he needs as much help as i do!

He has agreed to everything i proposed and seems to be extremely remorseful and willing to do anything to put things right even if we do not stay together.

I would like to thank you all for helping me get out of a horrible situtation and hopefully to get me back on the road to gaining back my confidance and self worth so i can be truly happy and be a better mummy.

belfastgirl23

I'm really pleased for you NSH, I did think from what you were saying about your DH that there might be some glimmer of hope that he would be able to see there was a problem here. I think the not drinking decision is very wise, as is seeking help. I do think you're wise to seek it seperately as well, but just make sure that it isn't just you going, yes you do need some support but I think he needs to examine how he behaved very closely. it might also be timely to think about some of his other control issues. I think you've been living towards the borderline of what is acceptable for quite some time and this latest episode was what pushed it into red alert territory. Clearly it's part of some sort of a pattern for him and I think for his own sake as well as yours he needs to address this. Especially if he is genuinely wanting to change.

I really hope it goes well. Please do keep posting if you think it might help.