depression

Miroslav

I'm really confused today. I've negative vibes about the whole thing.

She'll probably not want to meet me now, after my flatmate turned her down 1st time, and if she does, she probably won't like me and not want to see me again.

Do I want to put myself through all that and then feel worse because even she won't want to know me? Can I handle another rejection? No is the answer. Very very occasionally (and we are talking twice in nearly 15 years) have I had an interest in someone, so it's not like i'm a bed hopper. When my ex left me over 5 years ago, I gave up everything, work, work friends, all my interests etc etc, and even though i've not had a relationship any higher than hello/goodbye with this girl, I know a few things about her and when I was told she thought I was good looking ( :rotfl: ) it was a nice, if unbelieving feeling, either she's got eyesight troubles, is desperate (which I think is realistic) or she's just being nice to someone who's down on themselves. I hope she is desperate enough to want to get to know me, but I really don't envisage any good happening.

All i've done all weekend is lay down, sleep, think and......well, that's it. Maybe this is my last hope, if i'm rejected this time as well, i'm not sure i'll handle it well.

The chances are we won't meet, maybe that is a better option than meeting and being rejected. Maybe I shouldn't have got my hopes up in the beginning, but i'm sure people will understand, when only the 3rd person in the best part of 15 years (I include my flatmate who i've never had sexual relationships with), shows a little interest in you, it's understandable I'd get nervous, anxious, fearful, but excited?

Yours

Confused & Scared

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

miroslav, whats happened? whoose taken you for a ride is it this girl? i hope your ok and dont give up hun, you can battle through the pain and make sure you take care.

Read my posts above I'm bricking myself, wishing i'd never agreed to the possibility of meeting her. Miroslav + Relationships of any kind = Disaster!

How are you now your Bro has gone to Uni? Hope you are holding up well

Miroslav

Natty68 wrote:

Oh I do hope you are okay Miroslav !!!!{Hugs}}}

Afraid I am not around for much longer as my sleeping tablet is starting to kick in so I am heading off to bed in about 5 mins with a hot horlicks. But I can be around for you tomorrow if you wish to talk hon..

Take care sweetie..

Thanks Natty...

I wasn't around......I hope to be around but with good news, but don't hold your breath. Send me good vibes

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

Miroslav- if you are reading this please know that I mean it very sincerely, both to yourself and to others in our little clan.

Hun, your post was a little alarming so the first thing I hope you can do is to post and let us know you're all right. You sounded really low in your post so something has acted as your trigger - maybe the young lady you've talked about? It doesn't matter what it was angel.

One thing our group has in common is pain, and it comes in varying amounts and at various times, and what's been miraculous is that when we're down, there's always someone here before very long to listen and to help put a different perspective on things. Coming on here has shown me that good people exist and want to step in. Bad experiences stay foremost in our minds and cloud the good things - hence the saying 'bad news travels fast'.

We've all cared and we've all been hurt - that is life and the same for everyone - and some of us have been hurt more than most. Pain is pain. Life is bittersweet angel. But what actually saves us and makes us better people IS the caring. We can't seem to help it. We've survived, somehow, and there must be a reason for that, even if it's just to give others hope or maybe because your life still has something wonderful along the way. I know you have been through a heartbreaking time angel and we all feel for you.

If you don't think that tough old Tiff here hasn't got a heart that's broken and a soul that's in so much pain, you'd be wrong. If you only knew how much I cry when I'm alone, how I think that no-one in the world could possibly reach me or help me and that it's just too hard to keep on fighting. You're not alone Miroslav. And whether it's through posts here or some other way, the pain eases - NOTHING, even pain, stays exactly the same.

Please anyone considering doing anything harmful , for want of a better word, please get in touch with your GP or CPN if you can.
Come on here and spill your guts like I did and you cry and let it out.
The replies of warmth and kindness you will receive will ease the pain. It helps us too, to know that other people feel the same way. That's why I post - I'm amazed that people can understand what I've been through and THAT is what gives me hope.

In 24 -48 hours of asking for help, there's a 99% chance that the response you get will help you feel better and change your mind and you wait maybe 24hours before you do whatever you were thinking of doing. When you're deeply in a low, grab a pen and write "I've been here before and I always get to leave. Sit it out."

We are all on this thread for a hundred awful reasons that should never have been. You are all so wonderful and precious pieces of life and you all make a difference.
Everyone please, don't imply that you're going to do something drastic because that is just another piece of terrible pain we would have to bear. Please, give each other the chance to help or make a difference.

This has all sounded like a rant but it's straight from the heart. I'm so sorry if I'm not making sense or if I've said the wrong thing. I just don't want to contribute to giving anyone, here especially, anymore pain - we've all got enough of that.

Miroslav hun, I hope you are okay. Please post and let us know. I'm sitting here in the ether, so's to speak, worrying about this and I have no way of knowing what's happened. And I won't be the only one either.

Sorry everyone.
Much love to everyone, Tiff x

I've posted

It's nice when people reply, it's just..........well it's different over the net. It's nice and all that, I guess I just need a real life friend. I just never make friends, as I am so shy and backwards (and apparently not easy to approach )

I know others suffer too, it's just, i'm rubbish at helping people. I mean I don't know what to say, because I can't even help myself. I've been helping my flatmate for years, but it's by doing things, rather than saying things. I've never told her that I care, unless we are arguing, I never ask her how she is.........I'm just really bad with relationships.........if I meet this girl, I will ask her how she is, because it may put her at ease. It will be hard, but i'll try really hard.

As for GP's etc, none of them ever listen to me. GP's, Counsellors etc, I'm fed up with them all telling me it'll be alright soon and that I should think about returning to work. People have said some things that upset me. "You were only the father" "Your partner died x amount of years ago, it's about time you got over it" "You were only kids" "you're really hung up about this girl, which I don't understand why" "You don't need any help" etc etc. My flatmate has said she thinks I need alot of help, as she's known friends who absolutely hate themselves, but i'm far worse as i'm always so nasty about myself, which is true. I agree with her when she says I punish myself for things that have happened, and I won't let go of the past, because the future without what I have lost is impossible to face........but what do I do? I'll never change!

I'll never understand life, and nobody will ever want me the way I am, but I don't know how to be any different. All I want is someone to want me and want to be wanted by me, let me look after them. I'm doing something wrong somewhere

Miroslav

bettyboop61 wrote:

Morning all, Welcome megs, Tiff, Rose, Flis, Slayerx, Mrs A and everyone else. How is everyone?

Miroslav, I am extremely worried about your last message, if you are feeling so low and desperate, please take a look at maytree@maytree.org.uk I don't know if I got that right but if you google maytree its the first one on the list, it may offer the respite that your looking for. Please take a look at it.

Huggssss to you alll
Betty

Thanks for the info, i'll check it out when I find the strength too, it is appreciated.

Miroslav

Sazbo wrote:

Miroslav, are you ok?

:wave: I'm still alive. Don't want to be, but I am. Thanks for your message.

Miroslav

flis21 wrote:

Miroslav - Please post honey and let us know that you are ok. If things are really bad please speak to your doc, or CMHT or someone who can help.

:wave:

May I please ask what a CMHT is?

Is it like a GP or CPN?

I don't have anything like that

Miroslav

jellycat40 wrote:

I have put a post out asking Miroslav to post back but no luck.

I have been where I think he was the other night and I am worried about him.

Is there anything else we can do?

Louise

I've posted now, thanks for your posts

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

You could send a message to the administator, as they can email people.
Other than that, I don't know if there is - does anyone know any more details about him?
Does anyone have msn/yahoo/aim details?

Hopefully he is just having some time away and nothing to worry about
I really hope so anyway.
But theres a chance he's reading this, so just wanted to say that I'm hear if he wants to talk.

:wave:

I don't have any of the messengers anyway, i'm nearly as bad at talking to people online than I am in real life

Thanks for your message.

Miroslav

CCStar wrote:

Sorry to hear you are feeling low.

It has been a tough week, I blame the change in season. Never the nicest time of year.

:wave:

Weclome along

I wish it was change of season, at least then i'd have more than 5 days a year where I felt 'okay'.

Hope you continue on this thread with us.