depression

Horasio

Miroslav wrote:

Well, after my partner died, it took me 7 1/2 years, then when she !!!!!!ed me about, another 5 1/2 years. I guess I don't let people in, so when I do ............ ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

I just feel no-one will ever care for me

She's bad right now, I just want to help her, but she keeps pushing me away.

We care about you!

sleepy

Hi guys, I'm feeling really ill, I can't sleep.
I went to bed at 10 and fell asleep reasonably quickly, but I woke up half an hour ago and cannot get back to sleep! I was lying in bed with really dark thoughts going round in my head so thought I'd best get up. I'm so tired and I really want to sleep, but when I lay down, I just start having disturbing, dark thoughts.

Horasio

It looks like I have missed everyone today:(

I shall be busy tomorrow, going to the hospital tomorrow with my husband about his snoring

It is like David Gest's:eek:

Horasio

sleepy wrote:

Hi guys, I'm feeling really ill, I can't sleep.
I went to bed at 10 and fell asleep reasonably quickly, but I woke up half an hour ago and cannot get back to sleep! I was lying in bed with really dark thoughts going round in my head so thought I'd best get up. I'm so tired and I really want to sleep, but when I lay down, I just start having disturbing, dark thoughts.

Hi

I know that feeling, the silence and the thoughts creep in

If you want to PM me, or tell us what your thoughts are. It often helps the list them and what the trigger is!

I have had a week like that and I keep writing my thoughts down, make a drink, read, watch TV, not try too hard.

I have a meditation tape with positive messages, now on MP3, I play that shuts up my inner voices and relaxes me. I find hard silence hard to cope with sometimes (but don't like neighbour noise tho')

sleepy

Thanks, I think you are right, laying there is silence I just had too much time to listen to all my inner fears and worries. I have had an mP3 player by my bed before for whne I've struggled to sleep, I'll have to dig it out again.
My main worry tonight is going in tomorrow to tell work about my illness, showing how weak I am, and asking for help. I feel so guilty, like I'll be making extra work for everyone and I hate admiting any vulnerability.

gillette147

Hello people,

I've just got back from Birmingham - and read all the posts since I left on Satday. It looks like some of you are are doing ok - that's great.
I am much improved. I have got a plan - jobwise - which I will investigate tomora, now i'm back on i-net. Seeing my family is a great tonic too.

Feelie
Haven't heard from you today. You don't have to withdraw from me if you're low - quite the opposite xxx

Rose
I admire you so much. Get help or talk to any of us. PM me if you like and I will inflict my humour on you if it helps.

Sleepy
I hope/think you will find that people will be more understanding at work than you think. You can't do it all - but you are going in the right direction now. Big hug from me.

Natty
Hello. It sounds like you have done so well through a terrible ordeal. Only people who have had loss tend to understand. I lost my father and it became clear that only the people who had been through it had the slightest clue or could even face talking to me. If nothing else you have people on here who care and some who know what it is like.

And to all
If i can help, as an ear (1 still works) or a distraction then just contact me.

Love xx

Horasio

Yes same applies to you guys

Don't be shy about PMing me - feeling a bit neglected here

I wanna know more about what the op is like on that ear, my husband is nervous about having such surgery!

sleepy

Grrr, still awake. I used to be one of those people who slpet for 8 hours solid every night, feels so strange not to be sleeping. Just wish I could turn my thoughts of so my mind could rest!

Tiff_2

Natty68 wrote:

Just wanted to pop in and say "HUGS" to all and just to let you know why I hadn't been around for the past 10 days or so..

Sadly on the 24th November I suddenly lost my mum to pneumonia and septicimia. She was rushed into the hospital 36 hours before after collapsing and unfortunately she died twice on route, once in the ambulance and t'other time in the rescuss room. It took them 3 hours to work on her but they got her back for her to go into ICU. She sadly gave up the will to live and her organs gave up and basically I had to make the horrible decision to turn off life support and let her die peacefully. I was with her the whole time and was there when she passed away, so she wasn't alone.

This has totally cut me up more than I expected. We hadn't spoken since Feb of this year unfortunately, although I did still love her so much and this was brought home to me when I was with her in the hospital that night.

Last week I haven't really stopped, I have had to go to her house a fair bit, organise the cremation and go to the solicitors. It took me two days to find her will, and that is out of date according to her friends. Sadly I have to "register an interest" in the will as I have not been named at all. The solicitor said that it shouldn't be a problem but I have to go and get my own solicitor, eeks!!! Thankfully there is only me, I am the only daughter and next of kin so basically if I can contest the will and get it in my favour then I should inherit. It's not something I really wanted to do but unfortunately because of how the will is, it is the route I have to go down.

I have the cremation on Wednesday of this week, and today I said my last goodbye to mum in the chapel of rest at the undertakers.

I have really been going around in a bit of a blur the past week or so, and every so often I keep crying my eyes then get angry.. I have also been getting low. The other day I didnt even get out of my pj's.

So basically that is where I have been at.. Hopefully I can get myself into some sort of order once the funeral is out the way..

Hi natty,
I'm so sorry for your loss angel and my thoughts are with you. Last Saturday 2/12/06, it was exactly a year since I lost my Dad suddenly hun, so I can empathise with a lot of what you're going through. I also had to face the life support question but in a way, when it gets to that stage, there really isn't a decision to be made, due to the organ failure. So don't ever think that you did something wrong because you did the only thing you could do - there was no other choice angel.

I was with Dad when he passed on, holding his hand. It's a precious moment hun. Suddenly, the only thing that matters is that moment and the one you love - nothing else. Just then, you feel nothing but unconditional love for the person - just pure love. I'm sure Dad felt that. That's an amazing and beautiful thing to have around you when you have to move on. Isn't that how we'd all like it to be? So you did your mum proud angel.

Your mum would want you to declare your interest natty. The practical tasks help us to accept it all piece by piece. I think people find it hard to say anything because they don't want to make you break down whereas sometimes that's exactly what we need to do and to have hugs there as well. When I got back from the hospital, I howled with grief and anger. I broke my heart. This happened a lot. There's no right or wrong way to grieve sweetheart - take it as it comes hun.

Right now, just take care of the basics - eat little and often. Your GP can come out to you in situations like this if you need extra help to get through, but the best medicine is to allow yourself to feel and cry as much as you can. Also, maybe at one point, if you want to, you could contact CRUSE who provide grief counselling - even at home I think. Don't keep it all inside angel - that's not good for you. People will understand hun. You don't have to be anything right now hun.

It's easy to feel guilty because of rifts or unhappy relationships but think about what I said angel - the only things that matter are the ways you loved each other. Inspite of the problems, you really did love each other and I truly think our parents felt this at the end. Dad's funeral helped in a way. There was a Coroner involved in our situation hun so it was another 3 weeks before we could formally say goodbye to Dad. The time between him moving on and his funeral felt like being in limbo. The funeral was like the fullstop at the end of the sentence and helped us to know Dad was at peace and we'd done all we could for him.

Try not to dwell on the past difficulties for they are just that - past. Easier said than done I know. The negative past is not who we are angel - we are all a mixture of positive and negative and not one of us is perfect. It's very easy to send ourselves on a very expensive guilt trip that will do far more harm than good. She, as a mother, knew you loved her.

I haven't got a recipe for you natty on how to get over this loss - everyone's different. You loved and were loved and that's all you have to remember sweetheart. You post here whenever you need an ear or a hug angel. You're not alone sweetheart. You've got a whole crowd of wonderful people here that are here for you.
I hope this was some comfort to you angel and I shall be thinking of you tomorrow, bless you.
Much Love
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Alright, alright - I'm coming! :rolleyes2
Hi Everyone!:hello:

:grouphug:HUGE HUG ALERTS FOR NATTY, ROSE AND RUBY!:grouphug:
We're thinking of you all and wishing you well.xxx

I have a few things on today and I will try and get back to the thread guys. For all of you who sent me hugs and kind thoughts, I'm very grateful - they meant a lot to me. I wish I could type psychically! So much I want to reply to right now but I've got to go.:o We can't all be like the wonderful Saz and have a year off work!:rotfl:
Thinking of you all. Be kind to yourselves on this soggy Tuesday - and don't forget the milk!:D
Much Love
Tiff xxx