depression

feelinggood_2

elona wrote:

FG

Sorry to be blunt but OH is panicking that you are giving up things that are not good for you - has a shrewd idea he couuld be next and is deliberately
(perhaps unconsciously) sabotaging you - or at least trying to do so.
Sounds as if he can only be strong if you are "weak" in some way = being upset, under the influence et. etc.

I don't really understand him, or the relationship.
My mum recommended I speak to my Auntie, she's just got out of a controlling/abusive relationship, and she might be able to help me see if it is my fault or something. I feel like its my fault, but maybe he's just making me feel like that. I spend most of the time feeling like I'm loosing my marbles!
I'm not gonna let him beat me this time - I've given up cigs and drink for me, and I'm not going to give in, no matter what he does to me. I am strong, I don't need him to suceed
Just wish he'd stop making me so miserable! How do they do it? Sigh.

How are you feeling today hun?

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

Morning guys
Hope you all got through the night okay, and that today is a little brighter for you all.

Miro - I'll try and PM you in a little while, I'm just struggling to type, you know? Sending you lots of hugs,
CCstar - I'll be about this afternoon hopefully, would be good to chat?
Rose - Thinking of you today, big hugs sis x
Gillette - sorry I missed you yesterday, talk to you soon I hope
Sleepy - hope it goes okay with work, sending you postive vibes - remember that this isn't a vunerability, its an illness.

Tiff, Saz, Blinky, Elona, Mclaren, Beer(have we scared you off?) and everybody else in the family, hope you have a better day today..

Today feels rather bad for me, I'd say a 2.5 - the anxiety is very, very bad, I've got some diazepam, don't know wether to take it or not - I've only got 4 tablets left, and I've got to take 2 to make any difference, and I don't know when I'll be able to get back to the doctors, or even if she will give me some more. Day 11 without cigs or drink today. The drink is the hardest - OH seems to be testing me, leaving glasses of wine or whiskey lying about, talking about how brilliant it is to drink, just generally going on about it. Its so hard being here, it really grates. Its made much worse with the anxiety.
I didn't get outside yesterday, and I doubt I'll get outside today. Didn't cook yesterday either, so feeling a bit like things are slipping away. I will go out tomorrow, and I will do my best to cook today, gotta try and maintain some sort of control over this, even when it feels like its all collapsing around me
Chin up eh! Sorry for the rant, I'll go and try and force myself to vacuum.

Hugs to all xx

How blooming mean - putting booze in the way:mad:
Hardly supportive - I didn't dangle ciggies in front of my husband when he gave up. Childish. That has really annoyed me:mad: :mad:

I will be out today but around sometime tomorrow or tonight. Pesky housework and Christmas !!!!!! needs to be done:(. I am so bored of all the same old same old tbh.

Actually it is better to get out so long as it isn't blooming wind and rain again. Still thankful I have power this morning.

feelinggood_2

CCStar wrote:

How blooming mean - putting booze in the way:mad:
Hardly supportive - I didn't dangle ciggies in front of my husband when he gave up. Childish. That has really annoyed me:mad: :mad:

I will be out today but around sometime tomorrow or tonight. Pesky housework and Christmas !!!!!! needs to be done:(. I am so bored of all the same old same old tbh.

Actually it is better to get out so long as it isn't blooming wind and rain again. Still thankful I have power this morning.

I should be around tonight, so hopefully we will catch each other at some point.
I'm in a good mood - my Dad posted me a CD and it arrived today Loads of new country tunes! A couple of Highwaymen albums and about 5 Emmylou Albums. Need to get some more Johnny Cash tho, I've only got 30+ albums
I've done the vaccuming and I've washed up, so things are good, even if I feel rather bad. I'm fighting the 'i want to lie in bed and do nothing for weeks' depression, its kinda cancelled out by the 'I'm so anxious I'm shaking like anything and have to do something busy otherwise I'm gonna scream' anxiety. Means I'm getting things done, which is good. Just feel miserable lol. I need to go and have a bath and straighten my hair, that always makes me feel better - I prefer having straight hair.
Its very wet and windy here, but I'm not going out so its okay.
Got a couple of xmas cards, but I've refused to open them. First christmas I've not wanted. Spoke to my Grandad, and this is a good year for him, first xmas he's not need Prozac for a long time

MushyPeas

CCStar wrote:

Hi

Nice to meet you

I don't blame you for wanting a duvet time. The darkness, wind and rain is sending me to mine. It was the only way to keep warm today having had no power!

Do try and go to the parties (even if it is just one). Dress up, think of the good in them. It is once a year and a distraction from the heavy work, even if you do work with the people!

Love your avatar too - is it your creation?

Hi CCStar, thanks for the welcome. Feeling a bit better today, in a strange way I quite like the darkness, wind and rain I find it more comforting when it matches my mood.

Took ages to get out of bed this morning, just took my time rather than pushing myself.

I might stick to just one party where I know friends, but I don't enjoy them really, even though everyone thinks I do!

I scanned the flower in, the lovely iwanttosave made it all Christmassy for me.

Hope you're day is going ok.

MushyPeas

feelinggood wrote:

I'm in a good mood - my Dad posted me a CD and it arrived today ....Just feel miserable lol. I need to go and have a bath and straighten my hair, that always makes me feel better - I prefer having straight hair.

Ah music is great for enhancing the mood, but then it can also make one cry. I think I need to make the effort to straighten my hair, always makes me feel better. Most of the time I leave the house without looking in the mirror, easier that way

feelinggood_2

Morning Mushypeas
Glad you are feeling a little better today, hope it continues for you
I like the darkness too, I like stormy weather. Then again, I like all weather really. It is hard to be depressed when its a glorious sunny day - it sort of rubs it in for me - its so pretty and wonderful, and yet I still hurt. The dark doesn't rub it in so much.
Its all down to me to plan xmas for some reason, I've got to tell my parents when to cook, and I've gotta try and organise who is where on OH's side of things.
I am going to have xmas dinner at my parents - thats nice, its not too christmassy, just a nice family dinner. Dinner at OH's isn't nice - they are very strict Catholic. I always feel very akward when they say Grace before eating - I'm not a christian, so don't know what I'm supposed to do lol. If my BIL is there, we just glance at each other akwardly. I just don't really want to spend time with family at the moment. I'm not answering the phone to most people, not even my mum sometimes. I just want to hide under my duvet and not talk to anyone. Well, some people can break through this 'wall', but most people I just want to go away.
I don't know wether to have a bath now. How can I be stressing so much about wether or not to have a bath? I need to have a bath and do my hair at some point, but I could do it this evening. That would give me an hour or two away from OH. I'll probably do that.
Oops, that was a bit of a rant!
Sorry

Sazbo

Hi lovlies. Sorry I wasn't around much yesterday, had visitors and was in and out a fair bit. Didn't sleep great last night, but nothing new there particularly :rolleyes:

Mushypeas and mclaren - hi and welcome to thread. It's a wonderful group of people who post here. This thread has been a lifeline for me, without a doubt. Hopefully you'll find it a source of help and support too. Mclaren - just a though maybe get your neck checked out hun?

Feelie - lovely to have you back posting again hun. As you say, we're a family and I didn't like to think we'd lost you for long Think I'll take a leaf out of your book and do minimal xmas this year. I just can't get into the xmas mood. Was cross to read about your OH trying to undermine your fantastic efforts re quitting cigs and alcohol - as Elona says, he senses he'll be next. So I applaud you wanting to keep strong and not let him win. Keep it going hun xxxx

Natty - I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. We'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Understandably your emotions are going to be all over the place right now. Please post here anytime, we'll support you as best we can. Take care.

Ethel - did you manage to solve the problem of the chest freezer? Hope OH isn't feeling too chilly in there:D:D Well done re your uni marks - all your hard work has paid off. Hope tutorial goes well. Catch you later.

Oi Tiffy! I heard that! Ya cheeky so-and-so. If this carries on I'll have to consider locking the catflap!! Hope you're having a good day hunnie, big hugs as ever xx

rosie - big hugs to you hunnie. We're all thinking of you and wishing you well on the road to being well. Keep strong, keep going, you're doing great. Love Sx

CCStar - glad you had a productive day yesterday, is power still on? And I hope you manage to sort out David Gest's snoring at the hospital:D Hopefully catch you later this evening hun, I shall PM you:D:D xx

gillette - welcome back from Brum. Good to hear the trip was a tonic and that your now a man with a plan:) Best of luck with that, let us know how you get on. Sx

Miro - thanks for the reality show update:D I'll get back to you about the celebrity ludo tho;) Totally appreciate you being down and needing some time out, but we do miss you and your posts so good to have you back. At least S says she thinks you're lovely and she does want to see you again, so that's something to build on. We'll do everything we can to support you. Sxxx

Well guys, I think that's all the catching up I can do for now. Gotta jump in the bath now and get ready to go out later this afternoon. Will catch up with you all this evening. Love to you all, not forgetting lovely geminilady, elona, blinky, sleepy, welsh, flis and anyone my brain cell has forgotten.

Take care everyone, have a good day.

Much love,
Sazzy xxxx

MushyPeas

feelinggood wrote:

Oops, that was a bit of a rant!
Sorry

Hey feelinggood, don't worry about ranting, I'm guessing this is what this thread is for Been reading through some old posts and strangely they are making me feel a bit better. When you're brain is all scrambled (as I describe it) making decisions is hard, I've been in the supermarket before in tears because I can't decided what tin of tuna to buy - very bizarre.

I feel a bit better today, black clould is 'grey'. Wish I could predict when my own personal weather will change, I find it really scary not being able to predict future forecasts.

Hoping you've had a nice relaxing bath my now

P.S. Sazbo, I love your avatar!

feelinggood_2

MushyPeas wrote:

Hey feelinggood, don't worry about ranting, I'm guessing this is what this thread is for Been reading through some old posts and strangely they are making me feel a bit better. When you're brain is all scrambled (as I describe it) making decisions is hard, I've been in the supermarket before in tears because I can't decided what tin of tuna to buy - very bizarre.

I feel a bit better today, black clould is 'grey'. Wish I could predict when my own personal weather will change, I find it really scary not being able to predict future forecasts.

Hoping you've had a nice relaxing bath my now

P.S. Sazbo, I love your avatar!

Hehe, I've got to many jitters to sit in the bath at the moment.
And I stood up to OH.
He wanted me to order him something, and ask me if I could. I said I didn't feel up to it. He said, well, I'll just leave it with you... This went on for several minutes, and in the end I said very firmly but not shouting - No, I will not be ordering it for you. You can do it yourself. And he did. Whilst pulling a lot of faces at me lol, I've never known a man beso incapable of things before!
I've got sooo much to do, it means I'm not thinking tho.
I've got an overwhelming urge to scrub the skirting boards :-/

Sazbo

MushyPeas wrote:

Hey feelinggood, don't worry about ranting, I'm guessing this is what this thread is for Been reading through some old posts and strangely they are making me feel a bit better. When you're brain is all scrambled (as I describe it) making decisions is hard, I've been in the supermarket before in tears because I can't decided what tin of tuna to buy - very bizarre.

I feel a bit better today, black clould is 'grey'. Wish I could predict when my own personal weather will change, I find it really scary not being able to predict future forecasts.

Hoping you've had a nice relaxing bath my now

P.S. Sazbo, I love your avatar!

Hi mushypeas. Yes you're right - this thread's for getting things off our chest, good and bad And reading through other people's experiences I've found helpful too. Glad you're feeling a bit better today and thanks re avatar, yours is lovely too though, I like the simplicity of it. Sazx