depression

Miroslav

elona wrote:

Miro

Please do not despair - S does not know what she wants at the moment - it is not you.

Let things calm down and give yourself a chance - you deserve it.

Well, she never does. She's one messed up girl and it really frustrates me.

I know she won't do much better than me, as a person anyway, as I am 110% genuine, unlike all the bar stewards she's used too.....maybe that's what scares her

Natty68

Just wanted to pop in and say "HUGS" to all and just to let you know why I hadn't been around for the past 10 days or so..

Sadly on the 24th November I suddenly lost my mum to pneumonia and septicimia. She was rushed into the hospital 36 hours before after collapsing and unfortunately she died twice on route, once in the ambulance and t'other time in the rescuss room. It took them 3 hours to work on her but they got her back for her to go into ICU. She sadly gave up the will to live and her organs gave up and basically I had to make the horrible decision to turn off life support and let her die peacefully. I was with her the whole time and was there when she passed away, so she wasn't alone.

This has totally cut me up more than I expected. We hadn't spoken since Feb of this year unfortunately, although I did still love her so much and this was brought home to me when I was with her in the hospital that night.

Last week I haven't really stopped, I have had to go to her house a fair bit, organise the cremation and go to the solicitors. It took me two days to find her will, and that is out of date according to her friends. Sadly I have to "register an interest" in the will as I have not been named at all. The solicitor said that it shouldn't be a problem but I have to go and get my own solicitor, eeks!!! Thankfully there is only me, I am the only daughter and next of kin so basically if I can contest the will and get it in my favour then I should inherit. It's not something I really wanted to do but unfortunately because of how the will is, it is the route I have to go down.

I have the cremation on Wednesday of this week, and today I said my last goodbye to mum in the chapel of rest at the undertakers.

I have really been going around in a bit of a blur the past week or so, and every so often I keep crying my eyes then get angry.. I have also been getting low. The other day I didnt even get out of my pj's.

So basically that is where I have been at.. Hopefully I can get myself into some sort of order once the funeral is out the way..

Miroslav

geminilady wrote:

Miro I do feal for you,you said "It took me 5 1/2 years to let someone in, and she has reminded me of why I don't let people in, because I get hurt." It took me 8 yrs but if we never let anyone in we have NO chance of finding someone to care.I know you are fealing very bad at the moment and that its a bad time for you.Of course you miss your partner and little girl but you have survived this long and you will find happiness one day i am sure because you are such a caring guy.As to "S" she did tell your flatmate she wanted to see you again.I am sure she does care but because she is so messed up with her own problems.I do not think she is strong enough to support you.I know she said she would but from your posts i don't think she has the strength.It is not her fault,some people can give and take and some are so damaged or "need" so much that they just cannot give support.

Well, after my partner died, it took me 7 1/2 years, then when she !!!!!!ed me about, another 5 1/2 years. I guess I don't let people in, so when I do ............ ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

I just feel no-one will ever care for me

She's bad right now, I just want to help her, but she keeps pushing me away.

feelinggood_2

Natty 68, I'm very sorry to hear about your hard time, and I'm sorry I'm not able to say more.
I wish I could say something to help, but I can't.
So I'll send you some hugs instead
***hugs***

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

Hi miro hun,
Bless you, it's certainly a fairground ride with 's' isn't it hun? I can understand that you want what all of us want - someone to love us. I'll do all I can to help you through the next 3 months - I'm sure we all will.

Now don't shout at Tiff because I mean this with all good intentions but, I don't think you're going to be able to get mutual support from 's' - she's too fragile herself angel. It caught my attention when you said you'd hoped she'd be able to help you through your hard time coming up, someone to be there to help you for once. Miro hun, that's not what the start of a relationship is for.

I can understand your joy at finding someone interested in you after so long but now others are interested too. Take heart in that angel and be proud. It shows you that you're better than you think you are. A new relationship shouldn't be this hard even though you both want it, it seems. Bless her, she's doing the best she can, but maybe that's going to do you more harm than good as it has recently? Keep her as a friend and see what grows just until you're sure.

Tbh, if your relationship runs as it has been recently, she's not able to support you especially as she can't support herself hun. I just don't want you to put all your eggs in one basket and end up with an omelette!;)

Wow, 14 years with your flatmate?! I'm glad fm has been so helpful to you. Maybe it's time to broaden your horizens hun. Things aren't looking so bleak angel with a new job (well done you!:T ) and women clawing at your door. What's important here is that you've come out of your low point, looked around and have seen this yourself! So you know it's true that people are interested in you.;) You've grown in confidence over recent months it seems from your posts hun, though you may not feel it. Well done you!

As I've said, 's' is probably giving you as much as she can and she's not very stable right now. I don't think she tells lies out of malice but maybe just when she can't cope or is very down. I just don't want to see miro get hurt. And remember, time is still new and no-one can foretell what the future holds for you and 's'.

Just be prepared to see other possibilities and keep an open mind because you need to look after yourself too! I'm not trying to burst your bubble angel - I just want to protect you from anything that may make your situation worse.
Much Love
Tiff xxx

I know she's not strong enough. Some days she is, it really is from day to day with her. I'm not going to talk about my stuff with her again, i'm just gonna tell her everything is great, whilst listening to her stuff all the time. At least I am helping someone I care about!

There is something between us, flatmate has noticed, a chemistry, but neither of us are either ready or brave enough to do anything!

I am growing in confidence, so many people telling you that you're good looking is kinda nice!

Btw, it was just a job appplication, not a job success

'S' is special to me, but as previously posted a few mins ago, a relationship won't work between us. She likes the control, I like equality. Maybe in the future, but I'm scared she'll never get better.......she's getting worse!

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

Miro, just wanted to say thanks for letting us know you are okay, and that I'm thinking of you.
Take care, I'll try and PM tomorrow xxx

I'll reply to you ASAP as got today's

Hope you are well. I haven't read the 8 pages i've missed fully yet, but anything you need to say, PM me, as anyone can at any time

Miroslav

:wave: To all the regulars and our new friends :wave:

Sorry not been around over the last few days. I've been very down. Been speaking to flatmate for a couple of hours as we are both concerned about 'S', so whilst I feel a bit better, i'm posting a little.

I've had a look at some of the posts, I won't mention names as don't want to leave anyone out, but alot of us are having a really hard time right now, so my thoughts are with you all, my PM box is available anytime to anyone.

I know it was tough day for a couple of people last Saturday, 2nd Dec, I hope you came through it okay.

It was Britney's B'day (25 :eek: ) so a fair bit of Britney stuff for me to tape on TV, although I didn't have it up very loud as even Britney couldn't lift my spirits on Saturday.

Now, I don't watch these things, but I understand

1. Matt Willis won Jungle Fever or whatever it's called. I do like his new song, but Malandra should have won

2. McDonald Brothers have left Pop Idol. Shame, it should have been Gareth Gates (I have the right year, right?)

3. Emma Bunton nearly lost in dancing, despite being top with the judges. Are the public insane? She's far better looking than Mark Ramprakash........oh it's not about looks? Still, I bet she looks great in a tutu???? Sweet girl, bit dull, but cute

4. Any other reeality show? Who won celebrity ludo?

Natty68

Thanks FG, trouble is no-one really knows what to say in these circumstances. Although I am finding that people are avoiding me..says a lot really - I think they are embarrassed as they dont know what to say.

I wish it hadnt happened really, especially as I had just managed to sort myself out with my therapy and where I stood in regards to mum and not having her in my life anymore. I was so happy too when therapy finished for good. Oh how I wish I had know what was coming..

Luckily DH is around me this week so he can pick me up if/when I give up. The hardest thing is that I keep wishing she was here and if she was how I would ring her every day and tell her I loved her.

Anyway hon, I am heading off to bed now, I am getting tired and I have drained still.

feelinggood_2

Night night Natty, hopefully I'll be able to say sometihng slightly better tomorrow - I'm very low tonight and struggling to type to be honest.
Hope you get some sleep, take care xxxxx

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

These people are my family, they are truly wonderful.

Sorry you are having a black cloud day, want to talk about it?

I've decided I am not doing christmas this year - no tree, no presents, no cards or anything. Will get a few presents and have to attend 2 xmas meals, but the rest of it I am not going to bother with.

We are not doing the tree or anything in the Living Room, too many boxes now. I don't feel very festive in this house and with all the rubbish that is going on just now. It feels too hypocritical. We are going to my mum's for Christmas and even new year will be me and hubby (might be OK, most likely to be boring). Son going out with his mates.

If the weather is OK next week, our son and a mate will do a Blackpool illuminations for us next week outside:D

Have sent the cards. If the neighbours put one throught the door, I will return the favour but again it is hypocritical as they have been giving me hell this year!:mad:

Pressies just for hubby and son (both Christmas and birthday - hubby in January and son in February). My mum wants personal things that don't cost much - she is very MSE. Just step father to get something for (cheap and cheerful!)