depression

rose07

geminilady wrote:

H Rosie,Sorry you have had a bad day.It must be very scary when you halucinate and a nurse should have come to talk to you if you were told they would.I do not know how busy it is but you are under their care and they should have ckecked you were ok,you should be getting the help you need.It is good you have found a friend in Kirsty it must make being there a little easier.Hope you are fealing better and get a good nights sleep tonight.
I am keeping my depression at bay at the moment but am having relationship problems,well its not much of a relationship but i care for him more than he does for me,story of my life but i'll survive.

hi hun
yeah things are very scary at the moment, and im afraid its only getting worse.
i think the thing is, there are a lot more people iller than me, eg: pre natal depression, and schizophenic and things, so i dont think im that important ya know? there is only one place for mental ill people on the island i live and soo we are all bunged together as it were, and its very hard hun.
Oh kirsty is great, i was told today by my personal nurse that me and kirsty are the soul of the ward, which is great. but if they could really see how much im dying inside, then they would see its not all fun and games. but it does cheer me up to see her, we played football in the garden today that was funi. and we went for a walk to the shop, and lied down together. it is nice to have a friend there. but i am in all weekend too and she doesnt go in on the weekend and only certain times during the week, so it hard, but the other people that are there, esp a guy called john and a girl called emily have kinda taken me under there wing as it were, and im now accepted as it were in the ward everyone is alright so we are all mad but it is why we are all there.

thanks hun

soz to hear about this relationship hun, seems a few people here are stressed by relationships, ccstar, fg, ethel, and tiff (you wonderful thing)

but let me tell ya a little story of me own, yep i promise it will be little

i have been in all kind of relationships, abusive, violent, controlling, manipulative, fragile, rocky, sexual, and so the list continues, i have got involved with drug dealers, alchoholics, abusers, violent and people that have thier own problems themselves and all this only have bad efffects on ourselves. one of my exes set someone on fire, that how messed up he was, he liked blowing things up and that, another beat me soo hard that i was very bruised, but he never touched my face, why was that i wonder? and another one was an alchoholic and i became an alchoholic too, another well he stabbed his best mate, and well tried to stab me, i was a bit like you tiff and ran (its not being weak huni, its being strong). and then there are a few where they were soo hard, like you would get soo involved with how they felt and trying to help them and support them, that you wouldnt see yourself getting hurt in the process.

one relationship i lost something soo dear that i never talk about it.

and another thing an ex of mine hung himself due to drugs he woulda only been about 19 at the time, i have to say thats something i try and block too huni.

its all very hard stuff, but we are still here.

ok so i said this was gonna be short didnt i :rolleyes:

ok so what im trying to say is, if people hurt us, then we can choose how we react, we can say, you really hurt me with what you said/did, or we can shout, argue fight punch even, till we have no energy left. and its about a balance between the two people in the relationship, now im not saying nothing bad here. i just trying to say as long as we love the person and they treat you right then make things work for the better. it sounds hard for you hun, its very hard when we love someone soo much and they dont love us the same back, i know this only too well hun, it breaks ya heart doesnt it. you would do anything for them, yet they would do half of them, its hard, but as long as you both do love each other and there is a connection, it will be ok hun.

ok i might be digging meself a hole so better stop

hope you ok today

xxxx

rose07

hi to everyone ccstar, feelie, saz, tiff, gillette, miro, blinky, ethel, geminilady, elona, well all of ya im bound to for get someone, thinking of you all xxx

ccstar sounds like things are stressful for you at the moment hun, but dont give up, it is good to have a rant and get things out so never worry bout that, i can rant all day, if i was aloud me laptop in the hospital , take care hun xxx

hi feelig hun, how are you doing? are you still drink free, i was really baad last night hun, i needed a drink sooo bad, i was at me ex ex boyfriends house, and he literally had to hold me down to stop drinking, its really bad at the moment, but im sooo proud of you huni. your a strong thing and you will get there. xxx

ethel, relationships are hard arent they huni? have you changed the locks yet? , do you get really stressed when oh is around? and how college/uni going? hun hang on in there ok, we are all here for you xxx

miro, gillette, blinky, elona, geminilady, huge hugs to you all and much love, thinking of you all, keep going xxx

saz, hi hun, how the sazter? well work sounds like its keeping you busy but yey :T :T :T , 5 days off, extra long weekend for saz then, now you make sure you have some saz time, treat yaself, i wanna hear of at least one thing you have done o treat yourself when those days are up!!!, (yes i can be hard like tiff too ), oh thanks for the milk hun , puuurrrrrrrrr , purrrrrrr, rosie brushes up gainst sazzies leg. take care huni xxxx

now tiff, i am keeping my eye on you, i know this is your bad, bad, bad time, SAZ, keep an eye on tiff, she only a kitten really . really tho tiff i know what ya like keep posting and talking hun, i still wanna know about your time in hospital hun, but when ya ready, rosie very very bad at the moment. will explain in a min, firstly hun, i want you to do something for me, STOP, CHILL, RELAX, BREATHE. ok when you have done that have tiffy time, we can do it together, ya better watch or rosie will come find ya xxx

ok so me time i guess...

im afraid guys im really not well at the moment, im getting a bit worse, well as you all know its like a rollercoaster. wednesday night i got really, really bad, and well its been downhill since then really, i have been naughty tiff. the nurses now coz kirsty told them, do you know tiff he is worse than you, i tell kirsty things, like, im seeing things, ive been sick ive s-hd and she goes and tells them :rolleyes: , but she is doing the right thing i guess.
so wednesday was really bad, and you know what that means hun , yep, so nurses find out from kirsty, doh!!!!, then i have been really awful today too, like i keep going inside meself i dunno if any of you will know what i mean but i kinda get it a bad way, i got like that today, and yesterday, and well im hurting soo much, physically and mentally, the pain is immense, my head hurts and i just cant cope anymore, i cant cope with it all. i was sooo suicidal the other night, i didnt wanna come on here and scare you all as thats not fair, but im soo unwell at the moment, and yet i feel like im fine, if people ask im fine ok tiff

its weird on the ward, there was absolutely f**k all to do today, was f**kin sh*t. i was soo board, i nearly smashed stuff till i went for a walk, but the weekend is gonna be worse as they do nothing, nothing is planned for the weekend so it awful,all the other day patients dont have to be in on the weekend but i do, its in me contract, im sure you know what i mean tiff, yep, its like signing ya life away!!!!.

anyway so being on the ward, very strange as you see all kinds of people, people with depression, and post natal depression, severe suicidal people, schizophenic. etc... strange thing is you can all relate to each other and know or at least understand to a point whats going on, the patients help one another, like i say they have taken me under thier wings, even the schizophenic person i get on with, ya have to be care ful. but as long as you bounce around it ok. tiff do you know what i mean, think you might be the only one that understand???
like today i was on me own, and the inpatients say, come sit with us, if your ever lonely just hang around with us. which was nice of them, but its very crazeeeee in thier, proper mad house like. and just tonight a smack head came in, and i dont like him, now i am not one to judge, but he isnt nice people, really not nice, i can see me and him coming to blows, but some of the inpatients dont like them either so we will see.

i could talk for ages about the ward but it carp and boring, and carp i am the only day patient thats there all weekend. :mad:

but after wednesday night (which was very bad) i can understand they need to keep an eye on me.

just wanna say one thing tho the doctors and nurses have confirmed a few labels for me, which are PTSD, OCD, Depression, and another one, its got a strange name, all of which are very high/severe, oh joy, oh and tiff i am a ittle agoraphobic too, i told kirsty and she said are you trying to go for the whole lot, ha, lol. they also think i might be bulemic, or anaemic too, but there are still a few things going on, soo it a very hard time for rosie at the moment.

i see all kinds of people including people that sh, its hard as its like watching yaself in a mirror, you see there arms all hacked at and the actual slices of skin pulled away, you see the scares afterwards, and some have them all up and down their arm, so its hard when you see the damage they do when you know yourself you do damage too, it very hard, tiff dont tell me off as you know its my coping mechanism at the moment , me and the nurses are working on it tho.

ok so basic jist is, im sooo bad right now, and cant cope anymore, plus on top of it. my parents are out tonight and i dunno i might get serously unwell, they were out on wednesday, its when im on me own im the worst ya see.
so if anyone is around for a chat later, that would be ace, but it will depend how i am if im realluy bad i wont be on, as it will just be too upsetting for you all. xxxxx

ok remember everone to keep going, much love to you all always
xxxxx :grouphug:grouphug:grouphug:grouphug:grouphug:

rose07

oh and one last thing.....

TIFF now you may kill me for this ([STRIKE]youd be doing me a favour[/STRIKE])

ok everyone as you all may know this is tiffs bad, bad time, with alot of anniversaries, well tomorrow is one of tiff's very bad anniversaries,
and i hope you will all join me in sending big hugs and positive vibes to our tiff.

hun i love ya, your a wonderful person, and im thinking about you alot. ok and if you need me tomorrow, or any other time you know where to find me

here ya go tiff this is me always got ya back

http://www.cutelittlekittens.com/files/images/general/cuddles_963.jpg

:grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:HUGE HUG ALERT HUNI :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

keep going hun, its clear you are a strong tiff.

SAZ you may wanna leave lots a milk out just incase tomorrow.

hun i will be thinking of you all day, while im locked up
and sending lots a hugs and positive vibes your way

your not alone hun and you will make it through this tough time

much love huni
thinking of you
xxxxxx;)

(oh carp i hope i have the right day tomorrow my memory soo carp:rotfl: )

sleepy

Hi, I've had a read through (although not all the way, there's just a few too many pages for that), and you all seem really supportive, so I was wondering if you could help me.
I've been feeling really awful for a while, I've barely eaten for 2 weeks, I can't sleep, and then today I couldn't make myself go into work, insead I stayed in bed and have cried all day. This afternoon I was very very close to killing myself, it was only the thought of causing pain to my wonderful fiance that stopped me. It's become obvious that I need to go to the doctors, but what I'm wondering is, is there anything they can do?
Mental illness runs in my mums side of the family, her dad was a violent alcoholic with very dark moments, and my mum herself has had treatment for depression. My mum found that councelling really helped, but I tried that 3 years ago when I couldn't get out of bed for days at a time, and I didn't think much of it.
So what can a doctor do?

The_Economist

Hi sleepy sorry to hear you are having a rough time, but please be strong you are not alone. I havn't read all the other posts only caught site of yours as i was flicking. Please speak to the doctor they should be able to help. You say there is a history of mental illness, hey lets face it in this day and age who doesn't have a breakdown no matter what shape or form. As i say you are not alone there is light at the end of the tunnell. You have just got to find it (easier said than done i know but keep fighting). You hav'nt said what is dragging you done so much.

geminilady

rose07 wrote:

soz to hear about this relationship hun, seems a few people here are stressed by relationships, ccstar, fg, ethel, and tiff (you wonderful thing)

but let me tell ya a little story of me own, yep i promise it will be little

i have been in all kind of relationships, abusive, violent, controlling, manipulative, fragile, rocky, sexual, and so the list continues, i have got involved with drug dealers, alchoholics, abusers, violent and people that have thier own problems themselves and all this only have bad efffects on ourselves. one of my exes set someone on fire, that how messed up he was, he liked blowing things up and that, another beat me soo hard that i was very bruised, but he never touched my face, why was that i wonder? and another one was an alchoholic and i became an alchoholic too, another well he stabbed his best mate, and well tried to stab me, i was a bit like you tiff and ran (its not being weak huni, its being strong). and then there are a few where they were soo hard, like you would get soo involved with how they felt and trying to help them and support them, that you wouldnt see yourself getting hurt in the process.

one relationship i lost something soo dear that i never talk about it.

and another thing an ex of mine hung himself due to drugs he woulda only been about 19 at the time, i have to say thats something i try and block too huni.

its all very hard stuff, but we are still here.

ok so i said this was gonna be short didnt i :rolleyes:

ok so what im trying to say is, if people hurt us, then we can choose how we react, we can say, you really hurt me with what you said/did, or we can shout, argue fight punch even, till we have no energy left. and its about a balance between the two people in the relationship, now im not saying nothing bad here. i just trying to say as long as we love the person and they treat you right then make things work for the better. it sounds hard for you hun, its very hard when we love someone soo much and they dont love us the same back, i know this only too well hun, it breaks ya heart doesnt it. you would do anything for them, yet they would do half of them, its hard, but as long as you both do love each other and there is a connection, it will be ok hun.

ok i might be digging meself a hole so better stop

hope you ok today

xxxx

Thanks for Telling me about your relationship problems,wow you have been through it,it is not suprising that you got to the stage that you need some help.I have not been through anything like you.Just spent most of my life fealing unloved which has left me with very low self esteem.I was going to go into more detail but this post would turn into a book lol.As to my relationship,as i said its a very strange one or maybe in some peoples eyes the old old story,he is married.My husband had an affair and i always said i would never go near a married man,funny how we can change our ideas and morals to suit ourselves."N" and i met on line when we first chatted he was very open with me told me a lot of things,i think maybe at that time he just needed someone to talk to.I fealt an empathy with him as he grew up fealing unloved too.Also he was raped at 9 yrs tried to kill himself at 11 and he has spent 6 months in a mental hospital.He now holds down a very responsible job but is on medication for life i think.Anyway at the time he was trying to get back with a girlfriend that he met while he was seperated from his wife.His wife left him then wanted a reconcilation so he left the girlfriend went back to the wife then realised he wanted the girlfriend,complicated i know.Well he eventualy got back with the girlfriend but it did not work out,i don't know why only that she also had a lot of problems,she had tried to kill herself by jumping off a bridge and a couple of years after that her 16 yr old daughter killed herself.I wonder myself if it is possible for two damaged people to suceed in a relationship,maybe not.Anyway since then he has built a wall around himself,never talks about his personal life,he said to me "nobody gets in,nobody gets close" but he knows i have fealings for him have done since our very first chats.We met for the second time recently,in a hotel,won't say anymore lol.He said he wanted to meet again, a regular thing but i don't want to be used.I know men and some woman can have sex without being emotionaly envolved,not me though.I told him that to me it was a way of being close to him,if only to his body.He knows i don't sleep around infact i had been celibate for eight years so it was a big deal for me.I suppose i hope if i continue to meet him he might develop fealings for me i don't know part of me thinks he must care a little to have stayed in touch all this time and that i must fill some sort of need.ok texting doesn't take a lot of effort but he texts most days sometimes twenty or thirty texts a day.I don't know why i am typing all this maybe cause i am having a down day or maybe i just need to tell someone.If i believed he has some fealings for me i think i could cope with an affair can't ever see myself living with someone again been too long on my own.To give him his due he has not given me a load of bull like some guys do,i sort of respect him for that.I had another online friend who told lots of woman he was in love with them just to get them into bed and they believed him.Well if you are still awake thanks for reading i can talk for England lol.I suppose only i can decide what to do.

Sazbo

sleepy wrote:

Hi, I've had a read through (although not all the way, there's just a few too many pages for that), and you all seem really supportive, so I was wondering if you could help me.
I've been feeling really awful for a while, I've barely eaten for 2 weeks, I can't sleep, and then today I couldn't make myself go into work, insead I stayed in bed and have cried all day. This afternoon I was very very close to killing myself, it was only the thought of causing pain to my wonderful fiance that stopped me. It's become obvious that I need to go to the doctors, but what I'm wondering is, is there anything they can do?
Mental illness runs in my mums side of the family, her dad was a violent alcoholic with very dark moments, and my mum herself has had treatment for depression. My mum found that councelling really helped, but I tried that 3 years ago when I couldn't get out of bed for days at a time, and I didn't think much of it.
So what can a doctor do?

Thanks for posting sleepy. There is a wide range of treatment options, obviously dependent on your particular needs which must be discussed with your GP. But if the same thoughts continue please contact the Samaritans asap. There is help and support available, so best thing is to start making it work for you. Best wishes, Saz.

Miroslav

Well, it took a while, but after a huge row with flatmate, we took a card, teddy bear and a list of 20 positives about 'S' to her place and left outside her inner door. Flatmate then text her to let her know, but has had no response.

I know i've lost her and right now i'm deeply depressed. I'm never going to let anyone in again. It took me 5 1/2 years to let someone in, and she has reminded me of why I don't let people in, because I get hurt.

I see horrible people with families and friends, yet someone like me who is really caring, ends up with no-one who cares about him.

I can't do it anymore, i've lost someone I care so much for. It's all well and good saying she'll write, but she won't. It's all well and good saying it's not forever, but if she doesn't want to know me now, so why when it suits her?

She said we'd support each other, always be there for each other, but now, in my 3 months of most need, she isn't there. Just another who promised the world, and gave little. My things matter too, or maybe they don't after all.

I need some time alone, I can't handle people right now. Things will never change, I was born to be hurt. I told my flatmate to get out of my life. She refused, but right now, I don't want anyone.

It's too hard, I miss my partner and litle girl too much, and when I let myself have a chance of being happy again, my heart gets ripped out.

I just can't do it anymore

blinky

sleepy wrote:

Hi, I've had a read through (although not all the way, there's just a few too many pages for that), and you all seem really supportive, so I was wondering if you could help me.
I've been feeling really awful for a while, I've barely eaten for 2 weeks, I can't sleep, and then today I couldn't make myself go into work, insead I stayed in bed and have cried all day. This afternoon I was very very close to killing myself, it was only the thought of causing pain to my wonderful fiance that stopped me. It's become obvious that I need to go to the doctors, but what I'm wondering is, is there anything they can do?
Mental illness runs in my mums side of the family, her dad was a violent alcoholic with very dark moments, and my mum herself has had treatment for depression. My mum found that councelling really helped, but I tried that 3 years ago when I couldn't get out of bed for days at a time, and I didn't think much of it.
So what can a doctor do?

The doctor can help
Talking to them helps let some of the feelings out. It will help you feel better even for a short time.
They can prescribe antidepressants which will help but will take time.
They can write a referral to the hospital for specialist treatment
You sound really bad at the moment so they can put you in touch with the crisis team / community psychiatric nurse who can help you through the worst of it.

If things are really bad ring the samaritans, get someone to take you to A&E or ring NHSDirect or 999.



There is hope
It is worthwhile
Thing will get better but it will take time. There may be setbacks on the way - try not to be disheartened by them.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, although you might see it at present.
You have a lot to offer the world.

You have been brave coming here and admitting you have a problem. Please take some heart in that.

Sazbo

geminilady wrote:

Thanks for Telling me about your relationship problems,wow you have been through it,it is not suprising that you got to the stage that you need some help.I have not been through anything like you.Just spent most of my life fealing unloved which has left me with very low self esteem.I was going to go into more detail but this post would turn into a book lol.As to my relationship,as i said its a very strange one or maybe in some peoples eyes the old old story,he is married.My husband had an affair and i always said i would never go near a married man,funny how we can change our ideas and morals to suit ourselves."N" and i met on line when we first chatted he was very open with me told me a lot of things,i think maybe at that time he just needed someone to talk to.I fealt an empathy with him as he grew up fealing unloved too.Also he was raped at 9 yrs tried to kill himself at 11 and he has spent 6 months in a mental hospital.He now holds down a very responsible job but is on medication for life i think.Anyway at the time he was trying to get back with a girlfriend that he met while he was seperated from his wife.His wife left him then wanted a reconcilation so he left the girlfriend went back to the wife then realised he wanted the girlfriend,complicated i know.Well he eventualy got back with the girlfriend but it did not work out,i don't know why only that she also had a lot of problems,she had tried to kill herself by jumping off a bridge and a couple of years after that her 16 yr old daughter killed herself.I wonder myself if it is possible for two damaged people to suceed in a relationship,maybe not.Anyway since then he has built a wall around himself,never talks about his personal life,he said to me "nobody gets in,nobody gets close" but he knows i have fealings for him have done since our very first chats.We met for the second time recently,in a hotel,won't say anymore lol.He said he wanted to meet again, a regular thing but i don't want to be used.I know men and some woman can have sex without being emotionaly envolved,not me though.I told him that to me it was a way of being close to him,if only to his body.He knows i don't sleep around infact i had been celibate for eight years so it was a big deal for me.I suppose i hope if i continue to meet him he might develop fealings for me i don't know part of me thinks he must care a little to have stayed in touch all this time and that i must fill some sort of need.ok texting doesn't take a lot of effort but he texts most days sometimes twenty or thirty texts a day.I don't know why i am typing all this maybe cause i am having a down day or maybe i just need to tell someone.If i believed he has some fealings for me i think i could cope with an affair can't ever see myself living with someone again been too long on my own.To give him his due he has not given me a load of bull like some guys do,i sort of respect him for that.I had another online friend who told lots of woman he was in love with them just to get them into bed and they believed him.Well if you are still awake thanks for reading i can talk for England lol.I suppose only i can decide what to do.

Hi GL, yes, I'm still awake! Sorry you're feeling a bit down, but if it helps at all putting it down in writing here, then put it all down - we all here for each other And believe me I'd be the very last person to stand in judgement of your relationship with N - I would have to perfect myself and to have lived a fautless life in order to be able to do that, but I'm not; I haven't; and so I won't!

It might be the case that only you can decide what to do, but that doesn't make it easy, otherwise we'd all make the right decisions every time wouldn't we? All I would say is please don't get hurt. Try and establish some boundaries, determine what it is you are wanting from the relationship and try and keep that in mind. Don't focus soley on what his needs are - focus on yours. I hope it works out for you GL. Take care, Sx